nobody's perfect

i have been thinking a lot about perfection lately.  work, personal life and friends and family all have brought these thoughts forward.  i was talking to a friend yesterday and realized that anything other than perfection would never be enough for her.  i asked and she confirmed it.  things had to be perfect or she could not be happy.  but, without slipping into an discussion of the shadows at the back of plato’s cave, the very idea of attaining perfection is an issue.  how can anyone mature enough to have seen that life requires flexibility attempt to hold onto the idea that perfection is possible.

i work in a very aggressive and competitive environment.  the need to be on top of one’s game at all times is almost oppressive.   when things do go wrong, you question yourself and ask what you could have done to see the issue and make a correction.  but the reality of the situation is, there is no way to do it.  even working 90+ hours a week for months on end is not enough to get to the level of “perfection” you might impose on yourself.

i was working on the direction for next year, and added “admit we can’t do everything” to the list of things we needed to change within the team.  i meant it as literally admitting we are not omnipotent; to allow people to step back and accept that they should take a breath and relax when that is needed.  the less direct message would be because we cannot do everything, we will prioritize the things that matter and ensure we do those well.   rather than gaining perfection, i was pushing for simple improvement and to get back to a place where the things that mattered were held as important.

when i was younger i quoted thomas paine who said, “consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds”.  the first time i did this was when my father was standing in my room asking me why my desk was always such a mess.  he was angry that i allowed it to get this way.   he told me he was embarrassed for me.  his argument was that i could not find anything.  we tested the theory, he named an item, i reached directly into a pile and pulled it from among the rubble.  i told my father that i didn’t need external order, because i could manage it internally.  we agreed i would keep my deck covered so he couldn’t see it.  not a perfect solution for either of us, but one that was good enough to let us co-exist without frustration and embarrassment.

i have a friend who i love to talk to.  we bump into each other and we discuss religion, education and life.  her mind is amazingly interesting because she mixes deep belief with openness and flexibility.  the flexibility seems to be the depth of her inner strength and core beliefs.  it is clear that allowing herself to be who she is and considering her actions allows her to understand what her fundamental needs are.  being educated and intentional is more important than being simply fundamentalist.

i have another friend who is discovering who he is.  it is possible that he is someone he might not choose to be, and who some others may not understand or accept.  the realization that you are different, that you will never match the ideal that society programs us to mimic, can be horribly difficult.  the only defense to this is realizing that the things that make you different are the things that give you strength.  if people ask you to turn your back on your strengths, it's because they want to weaken you. the worst thing you can do is allow them to succeed.  

allowing someone to upset you gives them to the power to control you.  by accepting your differences you have the power to not become upset, this gives you control.  it does mean you need to learn to accept when people point out your differences, and admit they are there.  not perfect, but better than the alternative.

everyone i know, my closest friends and family each have strengths and weaknesses.   watching them to accept those strengths, and to learn to compensate for the weaknesses is what makes life beautiful.  seeing someone struggle with attempting to cover weakness, and not being able to embrace their strengths makes me pray that they will allow themselves to be happy by accepting themselves.

i am in my forties, i have a list of things to do in my life, and i already know some of them will never happen; i am not in control of my destiny on these items.  i also know that given who i am, i will never remove them from the list.  it is more important for me to keep goals i can never attain than to give up and lower the bar.

that might not be perfection, but it is who i am.  being stubborn and willing to endure pain while fighting against impossible odds is both strength and weakness; honestly i am fine with that about myself.  do you know why?  

nobody’s perfect.