simple life

(this post was written while sitting on a bus, i am just getting around to posting now, sorry for the strange order of the past few posts)


i am on a bus driving from hanoi to halong bay, i am sitting among expat travelers from all over the world. all of us hoping to have good weather for the overnight boat trip that may be the visual high point of our respective vacations in vietnam.

as i watch the country side of vietnam unfold along the road, i am shaken by the simplicity of life so many people here live with. hanoi is a model of simplicity. nothing appears difficult to find. interactions are direct and easy, even when there is little shared language. although there is open poverty, people appear to be if not happy, than content.

this has helped to make my vacation a relaxing and easy going time. a direct contrast with a US vacation like going to LA and attempting to capture the west coast vibe, enjoy the sun, see a star, eat at a restaurant with a celebrity chef, and go to a sterilized theme park. none of those things, other than the sun possibly, would play in vietnam.

the road to the coast is a long stretch of shops, houses and rice paddies that show just how simple life can be if you could accept it. selling noodles in front of your house as an endless stream of bicycles with locals, motos with people moving from one city to the next and buses filled with tourists go by.

if that life is too stressful for you, you can work in the rice paddy. feet in water all day, crouched over tending to next months dinner. enjoying the placid pools of water and fields of spiky green plants sticking up like the hair of a punk rocker whose songs you would never hear. the required world view being the distance you can see; and the stone walls of your family house, that is half the size of an american child’s cramped bedroom.

the tourists chat about their travels, discuss visas, restaurants and flight plans as they pass by you. as you spend your day in the sun or hidden under a battered blue tarp that shelters you from the heat, the tourists complain they are getting too old to take a 3 hour bus trip to the boat that promises to allow them to rest and relax on their vacation. when they stop for gas there are groans of delay and demands for air conditioning; clearly focused inwardly rather than considering the life you are living just outside their window.

life can be simple, if you can allow it to be.

we are who we meet

traveling, meeting people, having conversations, exchanging ideas these are the things that make a trip, or any day in your life, what it is. i have met and talked to more interesting people in the past week than i have on any trip of my life. i am not sure what makes this trip different, but it is and i like it.

i woke up this morning thinking about the past few days and how much i enjoyed them. the halong bay trip was great, and to a very large extent that was due to the other people on the trip. there was english, chinese, italian and french being spoken around the table. communication was not an issue

the places we live, work, study or visit are not places to themselves, they are collections of people. all people are both different and the same as those in other places. this has struck me repeatedly since leaving the US, no matter what, people really are the same.

any place, any event is really was result of the people you bump into. the chance conversation, the smile you see when you look up, the distant stare that makes you wonder what is behind it. the look someone gives you when they realize you are taking their picture. the conversation that seems to flow, or is quiet without concern. they add up to the experience.

the interesting thing is that these people have lived lives that have by design or chance brought them to the same place as you, at the same moment. how many times in your life will you bump into this person? where will you each be in your lives the next time come within reach?

as you meet people you like, as you finish conversations you enjoy, when and how do you tell them that you would like to talk again. continuing to talk means opening yourself to this person and possibly sharing parts of your life far away from the chance encounter.

not saying anything, simply walking away and beginning the random drift of life away from them is easiest. but it would also mean you may never speak to them again. it is emotionally safe, it is socially acceptable, it is what most people expect. there is an issue though, for some of the people you meet in your life this would be a sad way to end a wonderful day.

traveling alone

i am in vietnam this week. i came to hanoi, the city that was the target of american bombing when i was born. this is a country that symbolizes the struggle that americans are still feeling the results of, the social revolution that came with the US coming to asia and working through a war we eventually lost.

this is the first time in my life i have traveled alone. a few years ago, when i felt my marriage coming apart i talked about traveling in europe, doing the backpacking i was too american to do when i was young. even then i tried to take my son along, i said it was to let us bond but it was probably about not wanting to be alone in a far away land. that trip was vetoed by my wife, i honestly don't know why.

those far away lands now seem close to the US for me. going to europe today feels like a non-event, i have been there almost 10 times since the talk of that trip, i am totally comfortable landing in almost any airport, getting a car and driving without worrying about boarders or customs. it feels just like the US to me.

i am now living alone in asia, and i have come to love the time i have to myself but i have not traveled around asia. the excuse has been that i am to busy with work. i am busy, but am i "that" busy? i have a list of places, i do have plenty of holiday weekends to fill with all the malaysian holidays and airasia is always running specials. so what is keeping me from traveling?

i struggled for weeks about this trip. i put it off until the very last moment. getting a visa and tickets less than 48 hours before i flew. i landed with no plan. (and a visa that wasn't valid for another day, but thats another story) the hotel i picked on the plane was an empty hole in the ground, they are rebuilding it from the ground up. i tried to not take this as a bad omen. i just picked another hotel and moved on, lucky for me, the second choice was a wonderful location and was more than i would expect for $25 USD.

there are people who would have come with me. but, leaving it to the last moment limited their ability to come. is that what i really wanted?

in the end, the stress, okay fear, of traveling alone was completely gone by the time i was on the flight. traveling alone is simple, i am doing it at my pace. i am skipping meals, being utterly flexible with my plans, drinking when i want, randomly wandering the streets and taking photos of life on the street.

i have this theory that the way to test a relationship is to travel together. you see sides of a person when you travel you may not see in any other setting. there are stressors that test a relationship in ways you don't get at home. how will the person react trapped on a crowded bus, in the middle of no-where, and the driver tells you it looks like you have to sleep the night there? if they are calm and smile at you, you know you have a keeper.

i realized the stress of traveling alone is that you have all this time to yourself. again, there are stressors you just don't get at home. you are outside your comfort zone, you have new patterns to learn and respond to. the good thing is that i like traveling with myself more than i thought i would. in a way this is the first time in over more than a year that i have accepted that i really am now traveling alone.

the US came to vietnam and ripped itself apart. many years later one american has come here and has found a form of peace. we are all traveling alone; coming to a communist country full of street business in a city that feels like a small paris has shown me that being alone does not need to be lonely. the US may have lost its war here, but i feel like this is a major victory.

life is good

my last post was about a wonderful friend who was quickly and tragically struck ill. he was taken from us before i had finished my trip back to the US. this is a loss all who knew him felt very strongly.

i took a break from writing because i just had no idea what to say. this blog has come to be my inner thoughts about life and relationships. how could i write when such a horrible loss was felt by so many people i care about. a few observations have come to me when i consider this and think of the aftermath.

first, every single person in our life matters. no relationship should be taken for granted. i had never thought of losing this person, or how deeply so many people would collectively feel the loss. we need to feel the people around us and understand what they mean to us.

second, we can not allow the people we care about to not know that we care about them. this can be hard in a corporate environment, but we have all kinds of relationships and communication is the key to every single one. tell the people you love that you love them. how terrible would it be to not have a last chance to do that?

third, it’s the small things we do that matter. two very senior members of our company “were unable” to attend the wakes that staff on two continents held to witness the passing of this wonderful man. this was contrasted by the new president of the company who may have barely known our friend. he came and raised a glass with the rest of us. he showed a respect not only for our friend but for each of us and our loss. this sense of priority has proven to me that this is a man i will follow, this is leadership.

lastly, everyday counts. take the time to smile and laugh. understand that the world is good. if you woke up today, if you can think about the above things and if find a moment to enjoy something small that happens around you today then are far ahead of the game.

life is good, live it with a smile.