ugly malaysians

while sitting in a cafe having a drink the incessant bleat of a horn began to waft in from from the street. this is a common sound here, it means, "dude you double parked your car and i a can't get by you, i need to go and you are nowhere to be seen, i am getting frustrated so wake up and move your car before i have an aneurism". this was taking away attention from my reading of an opinion piece, "less form, more substance", about malaysia needing a clear plan to move the country forward economically. the author's point was that there is more than enough infrastructure here, but that people's mindsets needed to change.

as the bleating increased in tempo, the woman sitting next to me looked out the window absently. as she continued her conversation she craned her neck to see where the horning was centered. i followed her gaze and saw three cars double parked down the street. this is when she dug out her keys and slowly got up to move outside. had the people who had been sitting there for 40 minutes having a leisurely lunch really parked a car in a way that obstructed others from getting by, and simply ignored the sound of horn for the past 5 minutes?

the woman walked toward the horning, but when she saw that it was not her illegally parked car that was the obstruction, she turned and happily walked back to the air-conditioned cafe with its happily kiwi coffee culture. she came into the cafe and re-took her seat, prepared to pick the conversation up where she had left it. unfortunately western culture comes with the concept of social peer pressure, something that does not normally happen here -- other than the anonymous reporting of suspect morality lapes to JAIS.

i turned to her and said, "hi, do you have your car double parked"?

she replied, "yes, we do".

i said, "can i ask why"?

she took a beat and looked at me, but said, "we are just stopping quickly".

i have been sitting here since they came in and watched them linger over a drink before ordering, see friends come in and have a quick catch up conversation, order lunch, wait for it to be delivered, eat lunch while talking and then order another drink to lepak over.

"really, you have been here at least 40 minutes and your car has been blocking other people the whole time? does that seem fair to you?"

she looked at me with open shock on her face, "well, there is nowhere to park".

this is friday, there are prayers going on and the area is busy, but there is plenty of parking for anyone willing to use it. there is an expanded version of her short-form sentence for those who know that it is just malaysian for: "there is no free parking available, and the parking that is available would require me to walk more than 50 feet. it's hot out, i am lazy and the police are all at prayers. no one is going to give me a ticket so i can do what i want without anyone saying anything about it".

with the local lack of social peer pressure, she is right, people will get back to their car 10 minutes or more after someone starts horning, and will just wave as though they had been in the car the whole time and was moving it immediately; the standard response is to say something in an unshared vernacular language and drive by.

i said, "there is jockey parking, BV2, jollygreen and BV. plenty of parking, off street and not blocking anyone. do you think it could be better to park there or to block the streets so that no one can get by. malaysian's talk about how bad the traffic is, but it could be that it's not too few roads or too many cars, but that people block streets so no one can get by. do you think this needs to be fixed so the country can get better?"

this is a complete stranger, and maybe i have no reason to get involved or take it on myself to question her on why she is so self-important that courtesy should not be followed. except that i use these roads, and are constantly blocked by illegally parked cars; or people driving against traffic on jammed oneway streets to avoid doing a longer loop, but that is another rant. the whole country is in perpetual grid lock because some clearly have an inability to line up in an orderly way; or to follow simple rules. if you live here, you know it's not everyone, but the ones that do this do tend to drive expensive cars and have the time and money to sit is kiwi cafes.

this is when she really got mad at me. i can tell she was mad because she took the standard malaysian approach of thanking me. this of course is either learned behavior from political groups, or a deeper cultural reaction to any questions from someone you feel is not in a position to question you.

she said, "thank you for your comments". this was delivered dismissively but with a quiver of outrage.

rather than push the point, i replied "you're welcome" and smiled with my best smart-ass exclamation point.

i am far from a saint, i am willing and able to break a rule. the last time i was in the US, i was driving above the speed limit and passed a truck. in the corner of my eye i saw the driver wave to me, which i thought was interesting. i looked over and saw that he was telling me to put my cell phone down. he wanted me stop talking, and probably slow down, to make the roads safer for others. i waved back, smiled the same smile i had just given this woman and accelerated down the pike.

asian culture reinforces a shame based society. the people who are double parking have no shame for doing it. "i am just running in" is a common excuse, even if they are clearly sitting and having a meal. it's also friday afternoon, when attendees are allowed to turn major roads into parking lots if they are close to the mosque. this is used as an other-cultural excuse to park illegally, along with the desire to take 3 hour lunches. this falls into the childish category of i get to do it because he does. i was sitting there having lunch, i am not throwing rocks at the lepak, but my being there had nothing to do with anyone else.

western culture is the guilt based system. guilt is inwardly imposed controls based on the conditioning to follow the rules. it is a self-control, rather than "what would people think", we live in a "i can't, it's wrong" culture. but to keep the system honest, you occasionally need negative reinforcement in the guise of informal social control. this is where the guy in the truck came in, telling me to hang-up and stop relying on unconscious driving skills to keep me alive.

but this is what is lacking here. or so i thought. as i turned back to the paper, the next article i saw was another opinion piece, the rise of educated 'ugly malaysians', by s. sundareson a retiree who appears to be leading the charge on fixing malaysian bad habits. his examples are illegally parking, running red lights, littering, wasting things they are not paying for and not attending meetings they have RSVPed. his piece has run in both of the major english newspapers here, but i wonder if any of the ugly malaysians are listening.

i wanted to show the couple with the car illegally parked, who where still lingering over drinks 30 minutes later, the article. but i thought that would be piling on, and clearly a breach. besides, i had lost all desire try to get through. it wasn't the dismissive thank you that did it. it was a few minutes later when:

the woman's companion said, "don't be upset. do you understand mandarin? ta [something] hundan".

dude, i already know i am an asshole.

sometimes, you need to be if you are going to be honest with people who don't want honesty. the real ugliness here is that people won't say it to your face, they switch languages and assume they are covered by language. this is why there are vernacular schools, to teach people how to talk behind others back. but let's be clear...

you don't need to listen to me, but i know what you are saying.