open door

there are times when you have no other option than to sit with someone you have few other chances to sit with and make small talk. these times are the moments of adulthood that you realize you are an adult. they are the moments that as children you sat on the side and watched adults accomplish seemingly without effort. small talk is about little subjects, but sometimes real interactions happen during these conversations. if you are careful, you might hear something that matters.

i was sitting in an airport with two staff members. we had finished the agenda of the trip and just needed to get on a plane and get home. most of the senior managers in KL would not sit with staff members in this setting. not only would it most likely have been acceptable for me to sit away from the staff and do my own thing, it's highly possible they would have wanted me sit on the other side of the room. being american, deeply believing in egalitarism, pushed me to sit with them and engage in small-talk. i might have wanted to continue reading the book on "relentless capitalism", but instead i talked about micro-sociology.

we came to a point on the open-door policy i have in the office. as each new employee joins our company, they are brought to my office on their first day so i accomplish three tasks, i:

1. welcome them to the company
2. give them a team shirt (we do a new design/color each year)
3. explain my open door policy, and ask them to come back to see me if they need something

one of the staff on the trip with me is a senior contributor who is just moving into a manager role. i have known him for years now, and have watched him grow from a very junior staff member to a emerging leader. he is a standard quiet and respectful asian kid. it was a bit scary when he said, "can i be honest and tell you something?". honesty, rather than distanced politeness, is less than common here than in the US, so my interest was piqued.

he said, "sometimes people might be afraid to come to your office. they are not sure if you are busy, or in a bad mood, so they do not go." there was a pained look on his face while he said it. i could sense he was outside his comfort-zone by telling me this. the asian training to never upset an elder or someone in a position of authority was challenging his new found american group ethic. i sensed this conversation was only happening because of the week he had just spent immersed with a large team of vocal and decidedly less than shy amercians.

i took a beat trying to decide how to respond to this. i have heard it before, a sizable group of the staff do not feel comfortable coming into my office for any reason. they feel as though those who do come in are being treated as favorites and are given special consideration because they get to talk to me one on one. i have been told this on the side, by those who do come to talk to me. usually they say it with a pained look of someone who has experienced peer pressure or abuse.

i asked the young manager i was sitting next to, trying to count the number of times he had come into my office in the 3 years of service and ending with a very low number, why is it my fault that people don't feel comfortable coming in to see me? i meet every single new hire, and tell them the same thing. "come talk to me anytime, i am here to help if you have an issue, or to talk if you want to." some do, most don't. i have asked people to wait while i am finishing something, but i meet with everyone who comes in. if they are not sure if i am busy or in the wrong state of mind, they can ask my assistant, she seems to read me pretty well.

for the ones that do come in and talk, i end up knowing them and having a better idea of what is happening in their lives, both work and away. i recently thanked two staff members who came in together. i remember saying, "thanks for talking to me about this, i am having a tough day and helping you with this will end up being the best part of my day". i am busy most days, i have a tendency to show frustrations; but being here to help is what i consider about half of my job.

everyone is told the same thing, but some hear it and and others don't. i started to think about those who do come in. there is a trend, non-malaysians come more frequently than those born here. those who have gone to school off-shore come more frequently than those who have not. working on a team that i directly manage helps, so does being younger, and being from one of the local ethnic groups seems to lower your likelihood of coming in, while being on another seems to raise it. all of these have been true for years, and all of them are equally true for our attrition rates. or maybe its that people who do come in tend to leave less than those who do not.

so here it is. i have an open door policy, but i can not force them to walk through it. either you trust what i am telling you and come in, or you don't. that is not on me, that is on you. i know you are not used to authority figures doing what they promise you, but hey this could be your chance to see that it can happen. i have an idea:

come in and see if it's true. if it is, go back out that open door and tell others. forget about trust, try some actual proof.

teaching frustation

what is is about a quiet day on the beach that makes me want to rant about lack of fairness? never-mind, that is rhetorical. it's just one man expressing his freedom of speech to talk about things that frustrate him. that is the sign of a good life isn't it? the ability to tell people you are frustrated. the ability to release the stress and relax.

a few weeks ago i was on a week long trip to a city that i hate. the trip was planned, cancelled, re-planned and finally re-set to a different week. the build up to the trip was one of pending frustration. but the reality was that the frustration never actually came. there were moments that teetered on the edge of a tipping point, but gravity was on my side and we came out unscathed. i spent the final night of the trip nursing a growing head cold while sitting in a hot bathtub. i thought i would make it out of the country without issue.

it wasn't a major issue, but i did learn something about china. all was good until checking-in at the airport. we were there early and i got a chance to sit next to a group of malays returning home after a family trip. sitting on the floor in the airport we talked about life in KL and why they would want to travel to china. they kept apologizing for not having better english, after 5 years in their country i was the one that should be apologizing.

as i checked in and watched my bag go through the scanner, i saw the alarm lights flash rejecting my bags and forcing me to step over the barrier to open my bag. the airline crew suggested they were looking for lighters or aerosol cans that could explode, being a no smoker with no need for hair spray i thought i was in the clear. thats when we found the baton i had in my bag.

the baton is something i have based on age. as i have gotten older, and considering some of the places i allow myself to go, i thought it might be a good idea to have a way to even the odds. i have been questioned about this in the past, but honestly it is purely an insurance policy and not something i really have any need to reach for on a regular basis. to keep the story short, china disagreed with my having it in my bag, i countered that i was leaving the country and was someone else's issue but as we all know, rules are rules in china and they have no ability to see beyond them.

as i walked from ticketing, through passport and security control, into starbucks, past the information booth and finally into the lounge i asked every chinese person i saw, "what is the chinese word for frustration". not a single one of them could tell me the word. they looked at me blankly and had a odd face on. i first thought they simply had been trained to not say or experience the word frustration, one more of the regime's blacklisted terms of censorship gone amok. but it seems that its worse than that, they really did not know the word.

when i got into the lounge, i asked for the word, three women standing there did not know. they asked me to spell it, and used a local translation site to convert the english to mandarin. still they did not know the word. they talked among themselves and finally shook their heads. they asked me to explain the word, which i tried to do. i was frustrated in my attempt, they did not understand the concept.

using wikipedia as a source, we find the definition:

frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. the greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. causes of frustration may be internal or external. in people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations.

using google translate to get the chinese you get 挫折 or 挫败 both of which when brought back to english translate as "defeat". so here is the question, do they not teach these words, or do they not have the culturally emotional framework to feel anger and disappointment from resistance to individual will?

yes, i am frustrated that a badly dressed, sadly under bathed, low-level bureaucrat was able to take what i considered a personal possession. i do not see logic of taking something from a checked bag, enforcing a rule as i exit the country (i would have understood on entry), and dislike that there were no options or discussion on the matter. following a stupid rule quietly has never been natural for me, it's frustrating and i would expect others to see that.

it's okay. i know at least one other person there felt frustration. as i continued to try to debate it, the security manager took the baton and threw it in the trash. he started to turn to walk away, but i did not like the way he believed it was the end of the conversation. i also did not want to get maced and taken to a room where i would need to request a visit by the embassy or maybe human rights watch, so i was careful to keep my arms at my side and not move. i did what any parent would tell their kid to do, "use your words".

so as he turned away i said, "you know it's behavior like this that makes someone want a stick to hit someone else in the head with".

he stopped, turned and glared at me. i smiled and started to pack my bag back up. i think i may have taught him a new emotion, he was in that moment frustrated that he could not take my baton and smack me over the head.

it feels good to help others learn.

patik botak

a few days ago, i heard someone declare the ruling class was nearing the end of it's 50+ years of dominance. they believed the time had come for the rakat to over throw the scoundrels and replace them with a new generation of actual leaders. as i was driving yesterday, i ruminated on the possibility. but, how does this country find leadership when anyone coming up the ranks has been born and raised to believe the current environment is the only reality this country can ever hope for. the levels of apathy and acceptance that i see here is the single most frustrating thing about living in the country. it's enough for me to consider throwing my hat into the ring.

first of all, i am at a disadvantage to be elected. but i do have qualifications, i have degrees in political science and finance. i have been a successful entrepreneur and run multi-national corporations. i have travelled and have worked with public and private sector organizations, building and growing organizations. but best of all, i am the ultimate outsider. i was not raised in the shadow of corruption, i do not have a father or uncles who are part of the old guard. i am doing this because i want to see things get better, and i am shocked no one else is willing to stand up.

beyond needing to polish up the story of growing up grandson of immigrants, under-privileged but motivated to succeed, product of mixed religion and believing in fairness over privilege, what i really need is a platform. the list of things i will focus my administration on correcting when we come to into office. they need to be simple and attainable, but they need to make an impact. yet another economic plan that is 10 years out and destined to fail is not what this candidacy is all about. we need to make real change happen.

the plan is simple and it's all about fairness:

1. free and fair elections - no reason to march, i agree, one man/one vote
2. freeze spending on religion - no spending on mosques until we decide if we want spending on all religions or none. spending public funds on just one isn't fair
3. merit based education - scholarships will go to the best students, ties will be settled by lottery
4. education loans, not gifts - students who study abroad and don't return will have their parents prepared to pay off the loans. no more special treatment for the elite.
5. eliminate tariffs on cars, autos, sports equipment - no need for middle income country to pay 3 times more for items than other countries
6. help companies hire and train staff - lets help college graduates find jobs and get job experience
7. eliminate special contracts - why should taxpayers pay more than needed for programs. contracts that remain should be open to review.
8. report politicians income - i will open up my income statement, and expect everyone else who runs to do the same. its a crime no one else has suggested this, and tells you they are hiding the graft they have enjoyed.
9. allow freedom of speech - eliminate ISA and remove political pressure from media. let people say how frustrated they are so we can fix things
10. encourage green space - we have so much beautiful space, why are the homes on top of each other. let the kids run and play on some grass.
11. increase public spending on arts - music, dance, fine arts are important. beauty is good.
12. increase spending on education - help the next generation to learn and compete in the world economy, help the country grow and prosper, the current direction must be fixed
13. provide one set of laws to everyone - to be fair, everyone must have a single set of civil laws. religion, class, income and position are no longer ways to avoid fairness.
14. allow marriage without conversion - allow people to love each other without making it about what religion they are (this is the norm in most of the world, including arab countries)

it's a simple plan. it shocks me that a conservative asian country spends so much time talking about who is the man in a video tape that so few people have seen. it shocks me that an opposition leaders spend so much time defending themselves, but never talk about policy. ruling party spends so much time reminding people they had nothing to do with the leaking of a tape or the making of an allegation, but don't come forward and admit corruption and privilege is part of the reason the country is stuck in the middle income trap.

my position is simple, let's really fix things not just talk about it. you can vote for patik botak, or you can run yourself. step up and help fix things, you can even use my platform if you want. if you do i would be happy to vote for you. i would expect others to vote for you too. there are only two things wrong.

first, i don't get a vote here. second, no one else seems to be asking politicians to come up with a plan or to demand fairness. british divide and rule is still dominant and expected. why would politicians improve if no one tells them that they should?

vote for me, patik botak. adil untuk semua.