i said in a recent post that when i have random thoughts, i translate them to a title and the title stays with me until i get around to converting randomess to strongly-typed bits. i have been watching one random thought for months; but, during the {dry season} this summer i simply never found the time to let those bits flow. events have silenced the destiny of those bits, and brought a new direction of thought.
the story begins while driving (many, many times) to the office. i live with my ipod connected to me. it is a requirement for all trips; auto, aero or other. 80 gig, silver and filled with my music and photos. the thought of a trip without this companion compares to pondering life on a deserted island; pangs of lose and separation are felt at the mere consideration.
while mobile i tend to do the ipod shuffle; allowing apple’s engineers to randomly* select a play list. the little silver surfer picks the tunes as space and time move. i am amazed at how well they select the next song for my listening pleasure. in fact, i have noticed that on days when the selections on the trip to the office are especially good, the day tends to progress in a positive way. in contrast, when the frequency of hitting “next” increases, the events of the day go spiraling toward the desire to fast forward.
i have mentioned to people that i have been following the trend, and most of them appear to be skeptics. not a surprise, as i am a skeptic on most stories of premonition also. i recently heard a story of a fortune-teller who “predicted” the big easy hurricane. i smiled and did not point out that historically it was not much of a stretch to predict the southern US would be struck by a storm. there are yearly stories on prime-time news shows predicting the same; normally timed just before storm season. also, the described “premonition” had all the specific clarity of nostradamus.
but in this case, i have watched the trends and i am convinced of a correlation. i am not making a judgment on causality, just that there is a relationship between the two patterns. months ago, i was driving and considering this; and created of the title “ipod destiny”. i was smiling and in the process of imprinting the title for later recovery during the quiet gap between songs. i listened to the next song start, it was one i did not remember hearing before. i picked up my friend and looked to see what she had selected for me, as the soulful tones of lenny kravitz’s voice were recognized i read the title “destiny”. {spooky!}
i had just told someone about my ipod destiny and i was remembering the the smiles it brought. i was also looking forward to my drive into the office and the new day. as i turned the key i asked myself, how do you think the driving music (and the day) will go? considering the answer, i picked up my shimmering friend and hit the play button.
no response. i looked closer and saw the empty battery graphic. my friend must have continued to play songs as i slept, and the battery was now empty. no music; i was going to drive in silence. but, always ready to analyze, i questioned what were the implications of this? if good/bad music brought a good/bad day, what would no music at all bring in the day to come? a feeling of loss was replaced by a sense of foreboding.
as someone who watches and lives within patterns, here was a new data point. new can be exciting and enjoyable, or it can be scary and troubling. life is all about change, but surprises and things that don’t work are only sometimes found to be the best course. i drove in silence, and imprinted the new title.
as usual when i hit an issue, i have come up with a plan b. the silver ipod will be replaced in the car with its darker cousin i currently have stuffed into my guitar bag. i am not investing the personal time to improve my music skills, i might as well use the other ipod lower the risk profile of future silent driving. i will now have access to two friends, when one is found silent and empty, the other will take over and provide the songs of the day.
but, i need to resist the temptation to swap before emptiness. i cannot make a change as soon as the pattern goes negative. i doubt this will be an issue for me. there is always the hope that a quick replacement will bring you back to positive. but i understand the reality. when dealing with destiny, doing a replacement will not change the outcome. it will simply mean you have two things that need to be tracked, updated and filled when empty.
you cannot change your destiny, it doesn't matter if it's good, bad or "silent and empty".
/**************************************************************
my silver ipod sits charging while i write this post. the drive home will be filled with my music. now i just need to remember to turn it off when i get there.
* there is an internet debate over the randomness of the shuffle, belief is that favoritism is used to improve the musical selections. i will ignore the debate, and simply say ‘shuffle me baby’.
if apple knows to put luscious jackson, burnside and frank black together than i say 'why be random'.
*******/
Saturday, November 22, 2008
storm junkie
i told someone a few months ago that they were an adrenaline junkie. some people say it takes one to know one. they came back to me this week and confirmed i was right. also that not only did the adrenaline rush in the middle of the fight feel good, but that it had lasting effects. the rush of crisis driven adrenaline one day, improved overall balance and control the next.
for the rush, some will do things that i have never had to resort to. they will jump out of a perfectly good airplane or they will step off of a pedestal attached to a rubber-band. if you know me you might say that my driving is a search for a rush; honestly i am simply rushing.
to feel the adrenaline i need to feel that i am not in control. even when i am driving at double the speed limit the feeling of control is perfectly type-A. the one exception might be when my “top of the line” malaysian car’s breaks fire without me touching them. this only happens during torrential downpours that come with monsoon season. the rush does not come from the driving, but as a result of the storm.
to experience my rush, i need to be enveloped within a storm. is it a surprise that i made a game of watching lightening storms with my children? it is clearly not a surprise that i continue to find myself in the middle of storms, ones that i happily rush into. rather than battening down the hatches and riding it out hidden down below, you will find me up on deck holding onto the tiller and laughing into the wind. bring on the waves and lightening, it wouldn’t be a storm without them.
this week reminded me of a bright blue day during my college summers. i was sitting in a tower above the sand and was bored with the monotony of yet another clear day. this is when the radio made a sound and said the words, “this is an emergency weather advisory”. i looked north and saw the black clouds coming towards me, the excitement began. for the next 2 hours reports continued and the wall of clouds and lightening pressed closer. in front of me i had happy swimmers who had no idea what was coming, and behind me the storm was raging.
we cleared the beach as the squall came close enough to feel it's effects. the beach was empty, but i stayed in my tower. light drops blown forward were replaced by pelts of driven rain. the wall of clouds and falling water enveloped my world and i was surrounded by lightening strikes, one after the next. the sound of thunder and the spectacle of light was elemental excitement. i sat high above the sand and relished it, i was literally in the middle of the storm and it felt amazing; i had no control over the storm, the rush came from being part of something beyond control.
the squall line soon passed and continued it out to sea. it had come directly at us and drove right over the top. i watched the last of the lightening fade into the distance and the families come back onto the sand with their blankets. you could see the faces, upset that their day had been ruined and the sand was now wet. i sat smiling and happy, satisfied to have been part of the experience. why do people want yet another plodding and uneventful day, when they can have the rush of the spectacle? this was special and would be a lasting memory.
i watch for storms, and feel them approaching with expectation. i live and work where storms happen on a regular basis. i don’t go hunting for them, but if one comes towards me i am ready when it hits. if i hid inside i would miss the fun, so i get up and go enjoy the excitement. i want to teach my kids to not be scared or upset.
if they can learn to enjoy the rush of the storm, it might stop them from wanting to jump off a cliff.
for the rush, some will do things that i have never had to resort to. they will jump out of a perfectly good airplane or they will step off of a pedestal attached to a rubber-band. if you know me you might say that my driving is a search for a rush; honestly i am simply rushing.
to feel the adrenaline i need to feel that i am not in control. even when i am driving at double the speed limit the feeling of control is perfectly type-A. the one exception might be when my “top of the line” malaysian car’s breaks fire without me touching them. this only happens during torrential downpours that come with monsoon season. the rush does not come from the driving, but as a result of the storm.
to experience my rush, i need to be enveloped within a storm. is it a surprise that i made a game of watching lightening storms with my children? it is clearly not a surprise that i continue to find myself in the middle of storms, ones that i happily rush into. rather than battening down the hatches and riding it out hidden down below, you will find me up on deck holding onto the tiller and laughing into the wind. bring on the waves and lightening, it wouldn’t be a storm without them.
this week reminded me of a bright blue day during my college summers. i was sitting in a tower above the sand and was bored with the monotony of yet another clear day. this is when the radio made a sound and said the words, “this is an emergency weather advisory”. i looked north and saw the black clouds coming towards me, the excitement began. for the next 2 hours reports continued and the wall of clouds and lightening pressed closer. in front of me i had happy swimmers who had no idea what was coming, and behind me the storm was raging.
we cleared the beach as the squall came close enough to feel it's effects. the beach was empty, but i stayed in my tower. light drops blown forward were replaced by pelts of driven rain. the wall of clouds and falling water enveloped my world and i was surrounded by lightening strikes, one after the next. the sound of thunder and the spectacle of light was elemental excitement. i sat high above the sand and relished it, i was literally in the middle of the storm and it felt amazing; i had no control over the storm, the rush came from being part of something beyond control.
the squall line soon passed and continued it out to sea. it had come directly at us and drove right over the top. i watched the last of the lightening fade into the distance and the families come back onto the sand with their blankets. you could see the faces, upset that their day had been ruined and the sand was now wet. i sat smiling and happy, satisfied to have been part of the experience. why do people want yet another plodding and uneventful day, when they can have the rush of the spectacle? this was special and would be a lasting memory.
i watch for storms, and feel them approaching with expectation. i live and work where storms happen on a regular basis. i don’t go hunting for them, but if one comes towards me i am ready when it hits. if i hid inside i would miss the fun, so i get up and go enjoy the excitement. i want to teach my kids to not be scared or upset.
if they can learn to enjoy the rush of the storm, it might stop them from wanting to jump off a cliff.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
becoming kirk
have you ever asked what character in film or tv someone identifies with? my sister grew up deeply identifying with laura ingles wilder, the main character from “little house on the prairie”. i could barely tolerate the show, but she loved it. after traveling the world with her family in tow (the modern equivalent of crossing a continent in a covered wagon) she and her clan settled into a farm house. is this a coincidence or was it her personality identifying with her future.
i identified with a show of my own, one my sister could barely tolerate. as a software engineer who grew up in the 70s and 80s it is probably not a surprise that the show was “star trek” (pseudo-militaristic scientists living in a race-neutral utopia driven by learning and discovery; where everyone seemed to be a programmer). the thing i loved about the show was watching kirk think outside the box and challenge his team to succeed in situations that seemed impossible.
i never saw myself as kirk, i felt more connected to spock the logical and reserved second in command who executed kirk’s plans without more than a raised eyebrow to hint that he may not have understood the orders but that he trusted following them. that view of myself has dropped away over the years.
the coldness of spock was an effective counterpoint to the emotion of kirk. spock planned and was able to deal with high levels of complexity, but kirk was highly reactive and thought outside the box. he formed plans “on the fly” that pushed the envelope to the point that he was reminded, “captian, i can’t change the laws of physics” to which would answer, “do the best you can”. kirk’s plans would succeed and the team moved onto the next crisis driven episode.
kirk was a anti-hero when compared to the standard father figure of the pre-nuclear age. he was alone, except for those with his crew he had no stable relationships; he would make and later move beyond episodic connections. as we learn more about kirk it is strongly hinted that he was on his “five year mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and to boldly go where no man has gone before” because of an internal need to search for something previously lost.
what truly caused that loss was never entirely clear. there were hints that putting career first was a driver, but watching kirk closely gives one the impression that he was simply a person doing what they were meant to do. could someone who can take on those challenges or who knew when to follow rules and when to break them, really have decided to settle down on a farm in idaho.
in the movie “generations” kirk meets picard (kirk of the next generation) in the nexus; a place that allows you to reclaim the thing you miss the most. nexus of course means bond or the interconnection of a group, which is a none to subtle hint that most people miss lost connections. the nexus for picard was a family he never had. for kirk it was a relationship he did not keep. but kirk leaves the nexus because he knows that it is not real. reality is living not pretending to enjoy a life that is false.
the draw of ‘the nexus' is strong, it can be all consuming. the feeling of lose or regret may be part of the human condition. but kirk teaches us that a life spent living, fighting for what is right, protecting the prime directive and thinking outside the box that others coerce you to stay within, can be more than simply acceptable. for some it can very clearly be the life they are meant to lead. even if you need to challenge the laws of physics, or to change the rules of the game:
sometimes you just need to, “do the best you can”.
i identified with a show of my own, one my sister could barely tolerate. as a software engineer who grew up in the 70s and 80s it is probably not a surprise that the show was “star trek” (pseudo-militaristic scientists living in a race-neutral utopia driven by learning and discovery; where everyone seemed to be a programmer). the thing i loved about the show was watching kirk think outside the box and challenge his team to succeed in situations that seemed impossible.
i never saw myself as kirk, i felt more connected to spock the logical and reserved second in command who executed kirk’s plans without more than a raised eyebrow to hint that he may not have understood the orders but that he trusted following them. that view of myself has dropped away over the years.
the coldness of spock was an effective counterpoint to the emotion of kirk. spock planned and was able to deal with high levels of complexity, but kirk was highly reactive and thought outside the box. he formed plans “on the fly” that pushed the envelope to the point that he was reminded, “captian, i can’t change the laws of physics” to which would answer, “do the best you can”. kirk’s plans would succeed and the team moved onto the next crisis driven episode.
kirk was a anti-hero when compared to the standard father figure of the pre-nuclear age. he was alone, except for those with his crew he had no stable relationships; he would make and later move beyond episodic connections. as we learn more about kirk it is strongly hinted that he was on his “five year mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and to boldly go where no man has gone before” because of an internal need to search for something previously lost.
what truly caused that loss was never entirely clear. there were hints that putting career first was a driver, but watching kirk closely gives one the impression that he was simply a person doing what they were meant to do. could someone who can take on those challenges or who knew when to follow rules and when to break them, really have decided to settle down on a farm in idaho.
in the movie “generations” kirk meets picard (kirk of the next generation) in the nexus; a place that allows you to reclaim the thing you miss the most. nexus of course means bond or the interconnection of a group, which is a none to subtle hint that most people miss lost connections. the nexus for picard was a family he never had. for kirk it was a relationship he did not keep. but kirk leaves the nexus because he knows that it is not real. reality is living not pretending to enjoy a life that is false.
the draw of ‘the nexus' is strong, it can be all consuming. the feeling of lose or regret may be part of the human condition. but kirk teaches us that a life spent living, fighting for what is right, protecting the prime directive and thinking outside the box that others coerce you to stay within, can be more than simply acceptable. for some it can very clearly be the life they are meant to lead. even if you need to challenge the laws of physics, or to change the rules of the game:
sometimes you just need to, “do the best you can”.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
loving life
i woke up with a question. what do you think about life?
the short answer is i love life. you only have one, and if you f-it-up somehow what the hell do you have left.
i have been told this week that i am depressed, that i look upset and that i am distant. the reality is that i am tired. i have been travelling so much that i feel like i am falling behind; not only in work but in life itself. that doesn’t mean i am upset, just that i want to take the time to catch up inside myself.
i found myself watching a youtube lesson on playing blues guitar. these were the classes i was taking last spring before i jumped with both feet into the crazy behavior i have been allowing this year. on the drive home i started to think about the box of books on learning mandarin that i lent to “wo loa shr” in hopes she could customize my learning of chinese. that stalled out too, and i have been feeling the tug of desire to get it back on track and get those skills. the fact that i was forced into using my spanish in LA, and found it hard until i met esteban my two-year old business lounge friend who i gave the crayons i was carrying around in my bag. estaban showed me that if i tried, i could dust off my spanish and get it functional again.
i have 62 gig worth of video that i downloaded after the conference which i largely missed. work came before learning, even when i scheduled the week with no distractions and in a time zone to make it easy to avoid getting sucked in. clearly saying yes to an opportunity came before the planned ability to learn things i had been interested in for months.
overall life is good; no life is clearly great. i have opportunities that people only fantasize about. i have people who love me sprinkled around the world. i know that if i knock on certain doors they will be opened and i will be welcomed in. i am physically far away from my family, and in many ways i am closer than i was when i was in the same house. i am sure there are people who know and accept me; that is a very good thing to have in your life.
people misunderstand my need for distance. i simply like to be alone. i like to do my own thing and go at my own pace. i have been sitting in a café, writing, thinking and generally doing nothing productive, nothing that anyone else would find interesting, for many hours now. it feels good to be alone and to do the things i want to do. i get like this when i need to recharge myself, when i feel drained and in need of filling myself back up.
life is good because i have this opportunity. the idea of being in a situation where i was not able to take this kind of room is like considering living on the top of a mountain for me. the view might be beautiful, the company might be stunning and full of energy, but i have been in the mountains before and i was unable to breathe.
i was built for the ocean; wide open spaces where you can sail in any direction. people are scared of the ocean for its size and strength, i love it because i have a strong compass and can navigate. i also don't fear the strength. i crave it. i love the challenge and the ability to ride the wind and waves. i need the ability to see a storm on the horizon and turn away from the strongest winds; even if i have to swim for shore now and again. that seems much saner than living perched in a fixed place you cannot catch a breath and where you cannot to get out of the way of a storm.
people who don’t love life seem to allow themselves to get into situations where their freedom to choose, the ability to steer their own direction, is taken away. some people appear to crave someone else to construct rules and tell them the truth about all things. but the type-As of us want exactly the opposite. we need to be in control of everything; our thoughts, our actions and the simple direction of our days.
add a strong libertarian spirit, and the inability to control a few core aspects of life and you find we tend to create distance to regain control. this does not mean we don’t love life, exactly the opposite; we love it so much that we want to experience it fully. we want to simplify it to the extreme; ensuring there is no need to explain, negotiate or compromise.
life if good, if you allow it to be.
the short answer is i love life. you only have one, and if you f-it-up somehow what the hell do you have left.
i have been told this week that i am depressed, that i look upset and that i am distant. the reality is that i am tired. i have been travelling so much that i feel like i am falling behind; not only in work but in life itself. that doesn’t mean i am upset, just that i want to take the time to catch up inside myself.
i found myself watching a youtube lesson on playing blues guitar. these were the classes i was taking last spring before i jumped with both feet into the crazy behavior i have been allowing this year. on the drive home i started to think about the box of books on learning mandarin that i lent to “wo loa shr” in hopes she could customize my learning of chinese. that stalled out too, and i have been feeling the tug of desire to get it back on track and get those skills. the fact that i was forced into using my spanish in LA, and found it hard until i met esteban my two-year old business lounge friend who i gave the crayons i was carrying around in my bag. estaban showed me that if i tried, i could dust off my spanish and get it functional again.
i have 62 gig worth of video that i downloaded after the conference which i largely missed. work came before learning, even when i scheduled the week with no distractions and in a time zone to make it easy to avoid getting sucked in. clearly saying yes to an opportunity came before the planned ability to learn things i had been interested in for months.
overall life is good; no life is clearly great. i have opportunities that people only fantasize about. i have people who love me sprinkled around the world. i know that if i knock on certain doors they will be opened and i will be welcomed in. i am physically far away from my family, and in many ways i am closer than i was when i was in the same house. i am sure there are people who know and accept me; that is a very good thing to have in your life.
people misunderstand my need for distance. i simply like to be alone. i like to do my own thing and go at my own pace. i have been sitting in a café, writing, thinking and generally doing nothing productive, nothing that anyone else would find interesting, for many hours now. it feels good to be alone and to do the things i want to do. i get like this when i need to recharge myself, when i feel drained and in need of filling myself back up.
life is good because i have this opportunity. the idea of being in a situation where i was not able to take this kind of room is like considering living on the top of a mountain for me. the view might be beautiful, the company might be stunning and full of energy, but i have been in the mountains before and i was unable to breathe.
i was built for the ocean; wide open spaces where you can sail in any direction. people are scared of the ocean for its size and strength, i love it because i have a strong compass and can navigate. i also don't fear the strength. i crave it. i love the challenge and the ability to ride the wind and waves. i need the ability to see a storm on the horizon and turn away from the strongest winds; even if i have to swim for shore now and again. that seems much saner than living perched in a fixed place you cannot catch a breath and where you cannot to get out of the way of a storm.
people who don’t love life seem to allow themselves to get into situations where their freedom to choose, the ability to steer their own direction, is taken away. some people appear to crave someone else to construct rules and tell them the truth about all things. but the type-As of us want exactly the opposite. we need to be in control of everything; our thoughts, our actions and the simple direction of our days.
add a strong libertarian spirit, and the inability to control a few core aspects of life and you find we tend to create distance to regain control. this does not mean we don’t love life, exactly the opposite; we love it so much that we want to experience it fully. we want to simplify it to the extreme; ensuring there is no need to explain, negotiate or compromise.
life if good, if you allow it to be.
merging sounds
i sitting in a café and copying from external to internal to external again. it’s a drone like task, but it is all my fault and it’s kind of interesting. the music that we carry with us through our lives, on our hard drives, on our ipods, inside our heads are markers of who we are. they are a view into our own personal rhythms and into our past. my collection is filled with movie soundtracks, the blues, cuban, alternative and diverse singers like elvis costello, lyle lovett and chris isaak who have deep lyrics matched with deep voices.
a few weeks ago i was surfing , looking for music buy while in the US. as part of the search i entered “fat possum” and got to “the black keys”. using an internet search engine to find a new artist is fun, but it feels modern; and coldly distant. there was a time when finding new music meant acquiring new friends. i can remember back to albums and eight-tracks, but for me the finding new music was flipping through a strange CD collection and swapping discs to hear the music. if there was bonding, a tape would be made. tape making was a way to show a new friend you cared enough to share your tunes. it could also show that you cared enough to understand their tastes. i still have tapes friends made for me many years ago (mace thanks for the surf punks).
i used another element of the internet to reach out to a friend i thought would like the cool new band i had found. his response was, “yeah cram turned me onto them, he told me "dark helmet"got him hooked him on them”. shock and confusion… that one sentence touched on three friends i had made in three separate companies over the past 8 years. they are also people who lived worlds apart and who have actually all been brought together by connections directly through me. the shock was that these connections did not extend their music to me, but had resulted in them sharing an artist i was left having to search for myself.
that conversation set off the following chain of events; another IM sharing the pain of not being included in the sharing, a core dump of bits to a little black box, the bits being tossed in a bag and schlepped on a world-wind tour because the time to review, categorize, filter and copy has not bubbled to the top. i am now staring out a window on a world half a planet away and merging an entire history of a friend’s musical life with my own.
better than that, i am finding clear signs of prior dumps and merges which have happened. i can see history of multiple friends who have formed a very comprehensive and special collection of bits. the bits have now created a situation where the sum of the parts are more than the original set could ever have been. imagine taking the memories of your friends and merging them into yours. clearly having an obsessive organizer, a crazy architect, a musician and a larval-stage TLA junkie mixed into my head is an interesting proposition.
it does prompt a few thoughts though. just how much tape would it take to hand 100+ gig of music to someone on cassette? and, who is going to take the time to create the playlist we will listen to the next time we get into a pub for drinks. actually, here is an interesting thought: this group of friends has never once been physically together. we are sharing our memories and although we have worked, eaten, drank and smiled together, we spend much more time virtually connected than we do phyisically close to each other.
how am i ever going to find the time to listen to all this music? i need someone to make me a tape so i know what to focus on first.
a few weeks ago i was surfing , looking for music buy while in the US. as part of the search i entered “fat possum” and got to “the black keys”. using an internet search engine to find a new artist is fun, but it feels modern; and coldly distant. there was a time when finding new music meant acquiring new friends. i can remember back to albums and eight-tracks, but for me the finding new music was flipping through a strange CD collection and swapping discs to hear the music. if there was bonding, a tape would be made. tape making was a way to show a new friend you cared enough to share your tunes. it could also show that you cared enough to understand their tastes. i still have tapes friends made for me many years ago (mace thanks for the surf punks).
i used another element of the internet to reach out to a friend i thought would like the cool new band i had found. his response was, “yeah cram turned me onto them, he told me "dark helmet"
that conversation set off the following chain of events; another IM sharing the pain of not being included in the sharing, a core dump of bits to a little black box, the bits being tossed in a bag and schlepped on a world-wind tour because the time to review, categorize, filter and copy has not bubbled to the top. i am now staring out a window on a world half a planet away and merging an entire history of a friend’s musical life with my own.
better than that, i am finding clear signs of prior dumps and merges which have happened. i can see history of multiple friends who have formed a very comprehensive and special collection of bits. the bits have now created a situation where the sum of the parts are more than the original set could ever have been. imagine taking the memories of your friends and merging them into yours. clearly having an obsessive organizer, a crazy architect, a musician and a larval-stage TLA junkie mixed into my head is an interesting proposition.
it does prompt a few thoughts though. just how much tape would it take to hand 100+ gig of music to someone on cassette? and, who is going to take the time to create the playlist we will listen to the next time we get into a pub for drinks. actually, here is an interesting thought: this group of friends has never once been physically together. we are sharing our memories and although we have worked, eaten, drank and smiled together, we spend much more time virtually connected than we do phyisically close to each other.
how am i ever going to find the time to listen to all this music? i need someone to make me a tape so i know what to focus on first.
packing system
i have a thing for bags. it has been called a fetish, it has been a point of contention, but deep down inside my love of bags is something that i really enjoy. i find and buy bags all over the world; they are all shapes and all sizes. every bag has a unique personality and purpose. being able to reach into my bag and have the thing i need come out of it is comforting to me. when stressed, i find myself reaching down and touching my bag, knowing its there so i can get through the day provides a physical relaxation. but bags come with challenges, and having multiple bags creates problems.
a few months ago i was travelling in europe. it was late at night and i was walking along with two guys who are friends. one of them is a guys-guy, when about the most important bag of his life he discusses a sack he lugged through jungles, carrying food he was not allowed to eat. the other guy may never have had a bag he truly loves, but he just smiled when i stopped and stared at a set of soft luggage that i said i would be mine. i "needed" a bag that was different from all the rest, something to be with me when i travel, one that is flexible and easy to spot in a crowd.
i was just in LA on a trip. i had my favorite bag with me, but it was just too big. the effort to carry it around with me was too much, i needed something lighter and easier to swing into a cab. the common feeling of needing to search began to bubble. the next day i found a shop and walked out with my newest bag; just the right size, just the right shape. the favorite bag is there and not forgotten, no less loved, but the new bag now takes over and in fact is sitting next to me now.
so what do i need these bags for? the following is what i carry with me day to day:
a few months ago i was travelling in europe. it was late at night and i was walking along with two guys who are friends. one of them is a guys-guy, when about the most important bag of his life he discusses a sack he lugged through jungles, carrying food he was not allowed to eat. the other guy may never have had a bag he truly loves, but he just smiled when i stopped and stared at a set of soft luggage that i said i would be mine. i "needed" a bag that was different from all the rest, something to be with me when i travel, one that is flexible and easy to spot in a crowd.
i was just in LA on a trip. i had my favorite bag with me, but it was just too big. the effort to carry it around with me was too much, i needed something lighter and easier to swing into a cab. the common feeling of needing to search began to bubble. the next day i found a shop and walked out with my newest bag; just the right size, just the right shape. the favorite bag is there and not forgotten, no less loved, but the new bag now takes over and in fact is sitting next to me now.
so what do i need these bags for? the following is what i carry with me day to day:
- books on whatever area of software i plan to play with next (webparts and ajax, linq and silverlight)
- books on random subjects that bore most people, but that i love (the canon, a whirligig tour of the beautiful basics of science and aspirin, the remarkable story of a wonder drug)
- my notebook for random thoughts
- a chess board
- a power adapter, that supports all plugs worldwide
- a full-sized power strip (surge protector)
- external hard-drive(s) for backups, actually today i have 4 with me
- an arm strap for “tennis-elbow”
- an inhaler for allergy induced asthma
- a big bottle of pepcid ac
- a power adapter for my laptop
- power adapters for two phones
- a small digital camera
- a small digital camera tripod
- a fold-up umbrella
- a split-cable for sharing my ipod
- two sets of head phones for my ipods
- sync cables for ipod, phone, and external harddrives
- pens and highlighters
- a flash light
- a leatherman
- a blue tooth hands free for my phone(s)
- extra batteries for 3 hand phones
- a box of safety
(3, not 20... i brought them to the sales conference in india... but i spent the night with sprinklers hung over the dance floor and an open bar, alone in my room talking to us based hr people working out a compensation leveling process for my whole center... a conversation which provided much more safety than anything in the box would have) - a toothbrush and floss
- a dew rag; to keep my head warm under aircon.
- a first-aid kit (you never know when the next boo-boo will happen)
- a toiletry kit (you never know when you need to sleep in the office)
that seems like almost enough to carry on a regular basis. other things are thrown in and taken out over time, but this is the basic packing set. if i am carrying my passport (in a small bag of its own of course), i can get on a plane and go for a week and only need to buy clothes to survive. (i have another bag at home that is packed and ready to go in about 5 minutes for a 3 day trip).
so here is the issue. no bag is perfect for all occasions. my standard bag does get to be crowded, heavy and difficult to maneuver. my other bags are easier, but they are missing the substance and the supporting comfort. what i have found i need is a way to organize and change without losing the essentials. i realize i need a packing system, i need someone who has OCD to step in and help me organize things to make my ADD life simple and easy.
no matter what anyone tells you, bags matter, they help you get through the day. they allow you to pick up and go quickly. they stop you from forgetting the cable you need to recharge your ipod when you are confronted with a long flight and a nearly empty battery.
one size fits all is a fallacy unless you are willing to compromise. when you try to live that way you will find yourself living with the least common denominator, that only works if you can invest the time and effort to simplify your complex fractions.
but, if you are capable of living with some complexity, building a system to make the complex appear simple and to invest the effort to carry the extra items, life in a bag can be simple and enjoyable.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
travel companion
in the past month i have done 8 flights that lasted more than 6 hours. i have no issues on planes, i have learned how to work, sleep and relax on a plane. i honestly look forward to long flights because they are time where i am disconnected from the world and i can watch DVDs or read books that have piled up, or catch up on sleep that has been lost.
something different happened yesterday, i met a beautiful girl. i have had all kinds of seat mates, the very large african woman who LOUDLY snored her way across the atlantic, the chinese businessman who clearly worried over my “kite runner” sobs or the kid i found asleep at my feet (okay he is mine, but it did kind of freak me out). this was different; we were able to build up a friendship over a few hours.
my new friend was traveling to visit family, she was hesitant at first but warmed up to the point that we were smiling and talking freely at the end. the trick with this, even when you are from different cultures and seemingly have little in common is to listen to the other person and to help them feel comfortable when they do open up. making friends is about finding the common ground that gives you that connection.
i am rested and feel more relaxed over the past week or so. it has allowed me to take time and connect with people. yesterday came from that, i was leaving a new group of friends and i was able to find and make a yet another in a few hours. my newest friend may never enter my life again, i may never see her smile again, but i am glad we found the chance to meet.
this is one of the best parts of travel. there are 6 billon people in the world. taking a few hours and connecting with one of them, finding common ground and being able to make someone you did not know before smile and be happy for a moment is a gift. giving and taking gifts like this are what makes a life worthwhile.
i got a hug and a little kiss at the end of the flight. i wish i had taken a picture, but in the rush of departure i did not get the chance. she is beautiful, and i hope she remembers to smile, because that smile made this one of the best flights i have taken, it be one i will not forget.
prisha, enjoy your life, and remember you are god’s gift.
something different happened yesterday, i met a beautiful girl. i have had all kinds of seat mates, the very large african woman who LOUDLY snored her way across the atlantic, the chinese businessman who clearly worried over my “kite runner” sobs or the kid i found asleep at my feet (okay he is mine, but it did kind of freak me out). this was different; we were able to build up a friendship over a few hours.
my new friend was traveling to visit family, she was hesitant at first but warmed up to the point that we were smiling and talking freely at the end. the trick with this, even when you are from different cultures and seemingly have little in common is to listen to the other person and to help them feel comfortable when they do open up. making friends is about finding the common ground that gives you that connection.
i am rested and feel more relaxed over the past week or so. it has allowed me to take time and connect with people. yesterday came from that, i was leaving a new group of friends and i was able to find and make a yet another in a few hours. my newest friend may never enter my life again, i may never see her smile again, but i am glad we found the chance to meet.
this is one of the best parts of travel. there are 6 billon people in the world. taking a few hours and connecting with one of them, finding common ground and being able to make someone you did not know before smile and be happy for a moment is a gift. giving and taking gifts like this are what makes a life worthwhile.
i got a hug and a little kiss at the end of the flight. i wish i had taken a picture, but in the rush of departure i did not get the chance. she is beautiful, and i hope she remembers to smile, because that smile made this one of the best flights i have taken, it be one i will not forget.
prisha, enjoy your life, and remember you are god’s gift.
mythical friend
living among people who fundamentally believe in the existence and reality of god, while personally having a world view that has been called, free-thinking, skeptical or simply jaded is a strange experience. the fact that i am in high tech, and from one of the most liberal and educated areas of the US, or that most of my best friends come from and support a pragmatic libertarian lifestyle makes it all the more of an issue.
my family suffered from religious entropy as i grew up. inter-sect marriage, inter-racial friends, inter-city lifestyle and intra-childhood divorce has taken its toll on the entire family’s ability to believe. this is true for my generation, but the next, that of the kids… they are living in a time where nearly all beliefs are openly challenged and the guilt of not believing is nearly eliminated.
one of my favorite television characters, one i have written about in the past, is dr. gregory house. house delights in attacking a cross-wearing or sabbath observing patient with statements questioning the reality of their “mythical friend”. i without being able to help it have smiled every time i have heard this. i have even been known to use the term myself while attempting to irritate, or is that instigate a response from, a friend who does still believe.
what has struck me is that house is alone, immerses his self in work, and focuses on building and supporting team he clearly likes even if he keeps his distance from them. house also has visible pain and dependency; both of which relate to loss, but i see them as metaphorical reminders of the loss of an earlier belief more than the loss of his thigh’s muscle.
who is the "mythical friend" house is really missing? is it one he cannot touch, or one he can no longer touch. the fact that religious symbols are tied into words like communion, or coming together with the myth, should not be over looked. the core element to most faith is the extension of membership to believers, believers who use faith to transcend doubt or lack of evidence. this is true in many relationships, those with religion which house states is a myth, and those myths which flow from relationships with a person who initially seems to be concrete, and can begin to take on the elements of faith to believe the mythical image.
does house's pain symbolize his lack of relationship with one of his personal mythical figures? if it does this clearly is commentary that the myths accepted by others must be as well. it may not be instantly self evident but consider how deeply feelings of loss and pain can be felt when confronted with the stark reality of faith exposed to be untrue.
we all have myths that we hold dear, some we can live without challenging. others when exposed as false we simply create a new reality or myth to replace the original. but the event that causes real pain is when we are unable to accept the new reality, or incorporate the truth of the reality into ourselves. we simply go on and on believing long after the myth should be stripped away.
as children we are forced to give up our "imaginary" friends, which we are told is part of maturing; we are expected to replace these friends with “real” friends. when these "real" are exposed as myth, we are encouraged to quickly give them up much the same way as we did those from the simplicity of our childhood. the hard reality is that sometimes the more mature myths are harder to let go of. house is a portayal of this using chronic pain, addiction and suppressed longing as symbols of the suffering caused by losing myths. what humanizes this protrayal is that he appears to fully understand his situation, he may be crippled by the pain but it is what makes him house.
so why do we seem so set on creating, supporting and believing these myths. what would be the harm of simply living in reality and accepting the world as it actually is?
if we could accept the world for what it really is, there would be no need to create and hold onto myths in the first place.
my family suffered from religious entropy as i grew up. inter-sect marriage, inter-racial friends, inter-city lifestyle and intra-childhood divorce has taken its toll on the entire family’s ability to believe. this is true for my generation, but the next, that of the kids… they are living in a time where nearly all beliefs are openly challenged and the guilt of not believing is nearly eliminated.
one of my favorite television characters, one i have written about in the past, is dr. gregory house. house delights in attacking a cross-wearing or sabbath observing patient with statements questioning the reality of their “mythical friend”. i without being able to help it have smiled every time i have heard this. i have even been known to use the term myself while attempting to irritate, or is that instigate a response from, a friend who does still believe.
what has struck me is that house is alone, immerses his self in work, and focuses on building and supporting team he clearly likes even if he keeps his distance from them. house also has visible pain and dependency; both of which relate to loss, but i see them as metaphorical reminders of the loss of an earlier belief more than the loss of his thigh’s muscle.
who is the "mythical friend" house is really missing? is it one he cannot touch, or one he can no longer touch. the fact that religious symbols are tied into words like communion, or coming together with the myth, should not be over looked. the core element to most faith is the extension of membership to believers, believers who use faith to transcend doubt or lack of evidence. this is true in many relationships, those with religion which house states is a myth, and those myths which flow from relationships with a person who initially seems to be concrete, and can begin to take on the elements of faith to believe the mythical image.
does house's pain symbolize his lack of relationship with one of his personal mythical figures? if it does this clearly is commentary that the myths accepted by others must be as well. it may not be instantly self evident but consider how deeply feelings of loss and pain can be felt when confronted with the stark reality of faith exposed to be untrue.
we all have myths that we hold dear, some we can live without challenging. others when exposed as false we simply create a new reality or myth to replace the original. but the event that causes real pain is when we are unable to accept the new reality, or incorporate the truth of the reality into ourselves. we simply go on and on believing long after the myth should be stripped away.
as children we are forced to give up our "imaginary" friends, which we are told is part of maturing; we are expected to replace these friends with “real” friends. when these "real" are exposed as myth, we are encouraged to quickly give them up much the same way as we did those from the simplicity of our childhood. the hard reality is that sometimes the more mature myths are harder to let go of. house is a portayal of this using chronic pain, addiction and suppressed longing as symbols of the suffering caused by losing myths. what humanizes this protrayal is that he appears to fully understand his situation, he may be crippled by the pain but it is what makes him house.
so why do we seem so set on creating, supporting and believing these myths. what would be the harm of simply living in reality and accepting the world as it actually is?
if we could accept the world for what it really is, there would be no need to create and hold onto myths in the first place.
social lubricant
one of the strangest things about living in KL for me is the social climate which eliminates the need for alcohol. american kids, especially those growing up in an irish catholic community that were formerly the home of the navies northern fleet, and later became a premier tourist location for summer relaxation, grow up expecting there to be events driven by social lubricant.
contrary to the sense of abstention i am now used to, my former life was punctuated with regular use of liquid to grease the wheels. not former really, i have been away from KL for almost a full month now and in that time i have looked for something to offer a guest, only to find it was mysteriously, or not so mysteriously, missing. on another night, i sat for hours with friends i like, those i don’t like but trust and those i simply don’t trust but respect and talked work, sports, life and politics. the night came with a freedom that starts with the click a glass and is put back on track by offering to order the next round. a week later, i made a friend who offered a visit to tuscany, but who will never connect to keep that promise; no worries the conversation was worth the time. a week after that, i was enticed into stealing a fry, and a dip of mayo, from the next table just to prove that i had no filters.
each of these events was fueled by beverages meant to assist in the dropping of social barriers. these beverages helped to relax those talking and those not. they opened minds and helped conversations flow, they may have helped people who would otherwise have been too stressed to relax and enjoy into doing just that. why would an entire community, even those who are not bound by a separate standard of behavior, not want to engage in something that opens them up and allows thoughts, conversations and events flow freely.
i have come to understand that it’s not the beverage, but the freedom that causes the hesitation. i was in a group that told me, “its tradition to have a few drinks and tell off your boss, he knows what you think and he is not allowed to get mad… which is why it's good”. i have to agree, that is good. reality checks are a good thing, and if people can’t open up to help give a reality check to someone who needs it without assistance, then they deserve to have the courage (and cover) that social lubricant can provide. by eliminating that, everything is "on the record"; there is no “well he had a one too many” rationalizations.
malaysia is one of the stiffest places i have ever experienced. there is a culture of consumption, but it is not the consumption i was conditioned within. the older generation, the parents of my friends, tell stories of “everyone” going out together, walking home singing and coming over each other’s houses for parties. the fact that this comraderie this was lost, is right up there with encouragement of tudong and near elimination of form-fitting kebaya on the sad if not evil scale.
seriously, loosen up. life outside is so much more fun, it’s a plane ride a way, go find out and bring it back with you. imagine being able to have fun, speak your mind, get respect and not have to be fearful that someone was going to get upset and retaliate. if you can’t use the world’s social lubricant find your own… but you know certain things are standards because they work and they have been proven.
come to my house in the US, we will sit on the back porch, put something in the smoker, have a drink and rub our bare feet on the dog. if you can’t see the value and pleasure in that, if it doesn’t relax you and you can’t look at the trees and wonder why you ever tried to live any other way… well there is no hope.
you might as well just wait for durian season and admit that this is the way you really like it. to paraphrase animal house: separated, isolated and uptight is no way to go through life.
contrary to the sense of abstention i am now used to, my former life was punctuated with regular use of liquid to grease the wheels. not former really, i have been away from KL for almost a full month now and in that time i have looked for something to offer a guest, only to find it was mysteriously, or not so mysteriously, missing. on another night, i sat for hours with friends i like, those i don’t like but trust and those i simply don’t trust but respect and talked work, sports, life and politics. the night came with a freedom that starts with the click a glass and is put back on track by offering to order the next round. a week later, i made a friend who offered a visit to tuscany, but who will never connect to keep that promise; no worries the conversation was worth the time. a week after that, i was enticed into stealing a fry, and a dip of mayo, from the next table just to prove that i had no filters.
each of these events was fueled by beverages meant to assist in the dropping of social barriers. these beverages helped to relax those talking and those not. they opened minds and helped conversations flow, they may have helped people who would otherwise have been too stressed to relax and enjoy into doing just that. why would an entire community, even those who are not bound by a separate standard of behavior, not want to engage in something that opens them up and allows thoughts, conversations and events flow freely.
i have come to understand that it’s not the beverage, but the freedom that causes the hesitation. i was in a group that told me, “its tradition to have a few drinks and tell off your boss, he knows what you think and he is not allowed to get mad… which is why it's good”. i have to agree, that is good. reality checks are a good thing, and if people can’t open up to help give a reality check to someone who needs it without assistance, then they deserve to have the courage (and cover) that social lubricant can provide. by eliminating that, everything is "on the record"; there is no “well he had a one too many” rationalizations.
malaysia is one of the stiffest places i have ever experienced. there is a culture of consumption, but it is not the consumption i was conditioned within. the older generation, the parents of my friends, tell stories of “everyone” going out together, walking home singing and coming over each other’s houses for parties. the fact that this comraderie this was lost, is right up there with encouragement of tudong and near elimination of form-fitting kebaya on the sad if not evil scale.
seriously, loosen up. life outside is so much more fun, it’s a plane ride a way, go find out and bring it back with you. imagine being able to have fun, speak your mind, get respect and not have to be fearful that someone was going to get upset and retaliate. if you can’t use the world’s social lubricant find your own… but you know certain things are standards because they work and they have been proven.
come to my house in the US, we will sit on the back porch, put something in the smoker, have a drink and rub our bare feet on the dog. if you can’t see the value and pleasure in that, if it doesn’t relax you and you can’t look at the trees and wonder why you ever tried to live any other way… well there is no hope.
you might as well just wait for durian season and admit that this is the way you really like it. to paraphrase animal house: separated, isolated and uptight is no way to go through life.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
process driven
my blog entries normally start with a thought. they are things i am mulling over, processing in the back ground as the day goes on. as i consider, or obsess over, a thought i tend to land on a short title. this helps in categorization of the idea. it also lends a shorthand method of thought retrieval. these thoughts almost never come to the foreground to be truly pondered and considered until i sit down to write.
i have been travelling for a month now. i have been to three continents; 5 major cities. i have crossed oceans, moved coasts, missed conferences, written contracts, broken promises, made new friends and accepted that i don’t know loved ones. it’s been a long and tiring month. the thing is that i am more rested and comfortable now than i have been in a while. this year has been intense, exciting and amazingly draining on many levels.
sometimes it’s when you look up and see that you are still standing that you realize you are still in the game. even when you are bone tired, when you have your head down and are listening to your own breathing, thinking how can i keep this up… its then that you pick your head up and realize you are still on the field. better than just being there, you have your team around you and you understand that you can win.
the other thing that can happen is that you realize the other guys are more tired that you are. some may have already dropped out, others are ready to go at the first opportunity. this is where “schedule chicken” comes in; it’s where you have to prove that you can last long enough for them to blink. they might not actually be more tired, but if you hold it together you can win in the end anyway. the way you lose is to show them that you are tired, or to make a dumb mistake that gives them energy. look strong, even when you are tired.
none of my blogs are ever about what i am talking about, not entirely. thoughts are not singular, they are collections of threads. writing, music, art, sports, work, life are all built up over time. all of these are constructed piece by piece, thread by thread, play by play. my writing almost never ends up where i thought it would. life is not like that, it weaves and bobs.
the important thing is to know your requirements. writing for me is to allow me to complete those thoughts. it allows me the time and effort to bring them together and realize the pattern that the threads create. patterns are the things you need to watch, not the threads themselves. if you do watch the threads you lose patterns. pattern recognition, pattern appreciation, is the final skill of understanding.
let your process flow, allow it to take you where it wants to naturally. remember the path of least resistance, consider economy of energy, appreciate the elegance of simplicity. you might find that the threads lead you to a beautiful pattern.
i have been travelling for a month now. i have been to three continents; 5 major cities. i have crossed oceans, moved coasts, missed conferences, written contracts, broken promises, made new friends and accepted that i don’t know loved ones. it’s been a long and tiring month. the thing is that i am more rested and comfortable now than i have been in a while. this year has been intense, exciting and amazingly draining on many levels.
sometimes it’s when you look up and see that you are still standing that you realize you are still in the game. even when you are bone tired, when you have your head down and are listening to your own breathing, thinking how can i keep this up… its then that you pick your head up and realize you are still on the field. better than just being there, you have your team around you and you understand that you can win.
the other thing that can happen is that you realize the other guys are more tired that you are. some may have already dropped out, others are ready to go at the first opportunity. this is where “schedule chicken” comes in; it’s where you have to prove that you can last long enough for them to blink. they might not actually be more tired, but if you hold it together you can win in the end anyway. the way you lose is to show them that you are tired, or to make a dumb mistake that gives them energy. look strong, even when you are tired.
none of my blogs are ever about what i am talking about, not entirely. thoughts are not singular, they are collections of threads. writing, music, art, sports, work, life are all built up over time. all of these are constructed piece by piece, thread by thread, play by play. my writing almost never ends up where i thought it would. life is not like that, it weaves and bobs.
the important thing is to know your requirements. writing for me is to allow me to complete those thoughts. it allows me the time and effort to bring them together and realize the pattern that the threads create. patterns are the things you need to watch, not the threads themselves. if you do watch the threads you lose patterns. pattern recognition, pattern appreciation, is the final skill of understanding.
let your process flow, allow it to take you where it wants to naturally. remember the path of least resistance, consider economy of energy, appreciate the elegance of simplicity. you might find that the threads lead you to a beautiful pattern.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
