splitting lanes

i just had a really good morning.  i have been sleeping well; but not last night.  i have been feeling more alive and awake.  i have been more connected, engaged and aware of my surroundings.  the level of frustration and anticipation have both broken and settled to a much lower level.  life is really good, better than it has ever been maybe.  i am happy.  but happy people are boring in most ways.  they are just going about their lives being happy, so why write about that... no one wants to hear how happy you are.  no one wants to hear that you had fun this morning, that you burned off a little stress.  drama and comedy both come from tragedy, never from contentment.  contentment is boring and you should keep it to yourself.

i got my honda cb 650 back from hungryghost last week.  the paint job is exactly what i wanted, vermilion was perfect for a bike named nakal.  the build striped a bunch of weight from the bike.  its faster, feels like it has more torque off the mark and snaps to a new line when you push it over.  it's well worth the cost, and i an really happy i argued that i needed another bike.  i can't wait to get it out into the hills and explore.  this bike is all about sharing and having fun.  you can feel the good karma as you walk up to it.

but this morning was a quick hop to antip-TT.  i needed to go to kampung pandan yet again.  the frame is back ... and the wheels are on.  there is no sign of the engine and no one was able to give me an estimate ... wait, there is that frustration.  there is the drama, the urge to take matters into my own hands and elicit a response ... but i talked with some people about this earlier this week, and saw shock and possibly suppressed fear bubble out when i did, so i am going to put that aside for now and focus on the good. i will remember the advice i saw along with the fear, i will "hug it out" and suppress the urge.

one of the great things about riding is KL is the fact that splitting lanes is legal ... well, much like the majority of life here, i am not sure if it is legal but it is common.  it's one of the things that got me riding again.  i would be sitting in traffic and watching the people on little scooters slip by between the lanes.  friends back in the states, especially those in winter climates have no idea that asia runs on small low powered motorcycles.  it is not uncommon to see a family of 4 riding down the roads of asia on what in the US would be seen as a bicycle with an tiny engine.  think moped without peddles, but with 4 or more passengers, and you get the idea.

but KL is also a modern city with congested highways.  the middle class here love their cars, and because of government cronyism pay three times more than US prices for them.  they are status symbols more than transportation.  the model and year of your car sends a strong message to the community on who you are.  when you spend more than 60,000 USD for a mini-cooper, you are driving a hipster mobile that rather than saying "i am a recent college graduate" as it does in the US, says "i ... or my parents ... am successful".  can you imagine the pride the mercedes driver feels knowing they could afford 1500,000 USD for the luxury name plate?

the government has been defending the outrageous cost of cars here by pointing out that if prices were to drop more people would have cars and traffic would be worse.  this doesn't seem to motivate the poor who ride with their children tucked between the parents on the mini-cycles to vote for new government.  and the middle class don't seem to mind sitting in the traffic jams that they already suffer.  they suffer not because of the number of cars on the road, but because the highways are a mish-mash of crony-company owned toll roads that were never designed to be used as a unified or logical system of transportation.  the toll roads are designed first to collect money, and much less so to move people around the city.

which gets me to why i am riding again.  i am so sick of sitting in traffic that i have elected to join the working poor and embrace the only logical mode of transportation in this city.  i can now zip past the chronically trapped cars, sometimes in a special lane only for motorcycles.  i am not paying tolls, because toll roads are free for motorcycles.  i am exposed to the rains, but this month is the dry season, and i am getting better and better at timing the showers.  i also have met people in the motorcycle community and get waves and smiles all the time from others around me.  KL is much more pleasant when you are not trapped inside your car waiting.  the feeling of the wind on your face, the sound of the engine, the pull of the throttle as you move off the line, these are just added positives to the ability to avoid the pain of "the jam".

this is some of the reason i am happier.  but, even this comes with a caveat ... although splitting lanes is common, and fully legal, there are some that seem to want it to stop.  i don't think it's the lane splitting per se.  i think it's the fact that others are getting ahead while they are stuck.  you know who you are, the drivers who put your tires as close to the centerline as you can.  at times you go further and just move over the line an sit in traffic half way over.  you are not merging, you are blocking.  you do not stay in line, or have the courtesy to move over and make space for the poor people who are on bikes.  its either to block the way fully, or make the job of squeezing through the jam that much harder.  you know you are doing it, i can tell by the way you stare straight ahead, ignoring the plight of others.

splitting lanes is a system of sharing the roads and making way for the smaller bikes to move between the cars.  asian's should be proud of the spirit of cooperation that it takes.  only one state in the US, california, allows splitting lanes.  americans see it as dangerous, but numerous studies show it is not when it's allowed and expected.  although, it can be down right scary when you are on a bigger bike and some dumb ass in a mercedes moves to the middle as you come up on them.  the locals on the little bikes are amazingly talented at slipping between cars, with acrobatic moves to avoid such active agressive tactics, but anything over 400cc takes more space to get through.

have a little generosity of the soul, sharing is good for you.  just because you felt special in your overly expensive car, but lost that when poor people on the cheapest vehicles around started to pass you.  why don't you listen to some music, sit back in your leather seats and relax.  the jam will open up and you will get home, just not as fast as the smart people on motorcycles.

if you can't share, why don't you get out of your car and buy a bike.  stop needing the status symbol of your car to give you a sense of worth.  feel better by getting out and enjoying getting around.  begin to connect with the people around you again.  maybe someone will smile at you, hell you might smile back and wave like a human being, rather than staring forward to avoid eye contact while you are being a jerk.

i feel better.  i got this off my chest and i get to go out and ride again.  i am fully aware you are not going to change, you are going to keep doing this... but lets be clear... you are running a risk.  if you merge into the wrong person, maybe one who is not a local, is not constrained by asian shame and culturally false-courtesy, maybe one returning from a quick trip to check on the project that has slipped into a black-hole of delays, lies and missed deadlines, that person may very well exercise a generous portion of directed anger upon you.  it could be enough to show you that pretending not to notice is not going to work.  american road rage is something you do not want to experience.

if this happens, we will not be able to "hug it out, bitch".

...

honestly, that might make me more happy than i already am.

market segmentation

having been in malaysia for 7 years, i have been through the stages of expat experience.  i have gone from disoriented wandering, to sponge-like learning, to stabilized living in the rut the foreigner lifestyle.  i am now at the point where i can give directions as good or better than locals, discuss food using native names only, and have begun to notice how things have changed rather than how they are different from home.  this week led me through an adventure of malaysia in the state of change.  i am seeing a culture shift happen right in front of me, and like what i am seeing.

last week i saw an ad for a suzuki gs550, which is the former standard for 1980s malaysian police motorcycles.  the bike in the ad still had the paint job and gear of a police moto.  the inner voice sitting next to me hated how it looked, but imagine the chips theme song going off in my head.  it could be possible that i spent a few moments considering the use of the bike's police lights in KL traffic and i might have re-imagined a pre-teen fantasy of helping ponch and john during a chase.  

given there are few in country who could recognize the chips fantasy ride in action, i thought i was safe from an immediate need to modify the bike, but the desire to do it was still there.  so if i wanted to do this the next step was to find a builder who would be able to help me get it to the modernized cafe vision.  there is a emerging cafe racer community, and there are custom builders beginning to pop up, supporting conversions and rallys. 

the first place i dropped into was is an american chopper boutique in bangsar.  they sell harleys as the primary business, but allegedly also do service.  their website promised full service maintenance and rebuilds.  the shop is on a street i slip down a few times a week, but i have never seen any activity.  the place normally looks closed; i have only seen people moving around outside once or twice.  but i decided to start here, they are the most convenient location and being in bangsar i assumed would be expat easy.

the shop was dead quiet when i walked in.  it was clean, spacious and well polished, with 6 or 8 new harleys parked around the show room in a dark and calming environment that was more art gallery than motorcycle shop.  there were guys hidden in back, we had a good conversation and they know their stuff about motorcycles.  but they have no history of building a custom bike.  there were no cafe bikes in the shop and none of them ride one.  they knew the theory behind the project, but were focused on explaining to me that "sometimes shit happens".  this was clearly a warning that the project could be longer and more expensive than the estimate.  malaysian pace meets expat target, i learned these lessons years ago when i built the office. i fully understood the between the lines reality.

the process they suggested was that once i purchased a bike we would make sure it runs and from there the conversion would be 3 - 4 months with a rough-estimate cost of 15 thousand RM.  when i challenged the time, i was told that once we have all the parts together it would be at least a month to put them together and maybe some work following that to shake things out.  i left the gallery with a mental picture of 4 - 6 months and 20 - 30K RM as the cost.  added to the cost of the bike, my expat easy gallery would deliver me a ride in time for merdeka with a probable cost of 40K RM (13K USD).

the next option was to try to dip into the more localized solutions.  rather than going expat easy, i would need to move toward a malaysian solution.  a similar cultural revolution that drove the british cafe racer culture in the 1960s is happening in malaysia now.  people are embracing the freedoms of speed and individuality.   middle-class locals cannot afford triumphs that cost 3 times what they do in the US.  the desire to ride something more than the average 125cc scooters is there, and old bikes rebuilt and customized for individuality is the solution.  even if i can afford the higher price, i am not going to pay it.  this is what has driven me in the this direction, so it must be time to go there.

google maps and a sense of direction led me into an area of KL i have never been.  kampung pandan is behind embassy land but not quite as far as ampang.  finding the shop was surprisingly easy, maybe i am just getting better at working with less than complete information.  the hardest part of the adventure was squeezing my car down the road in front of the shoplots.  seconds after smashing my side mirror against another cars with a loud shock of attention, i saw the shop with greasy guys lingering outside.

the rest was amazing easy.  the shop was jammed with people and bikes.  it is considerably less polished than the bangsar art gallery; clearly a work space rather than show room.  i counted at least 9 project bikes in various states of construction.  bikes of all shapes and sizes in the process of conversion to cafe trim.  custom seats and bars being fabricated in the open proved that there is a culture of conversion in the shop.  the owner is a former lawyer who clearly loves cafe, he pointed to his personal ride that had a new seat being bolted on.  he was open that he is not a mechanic, but introduced me to the american kid he has working for him to assist with the build process.  if the bangsar shop was a motorcycle version of datin louis vuitton shop, this shop was more borneo ink with metal.

i felt at home almost immediately.  sam and i chatted about what they do, and how they work.  he told me he had a stream of bikes to source from.  if i wanted i could put half down and in a week he would have a bike for me.  if i wanted that one i could sign up and we could begin the build, otherwise the shop would keep it and he would find another.  he shared that his standard customer is very price conscious, so some of the things i was asking for could be done but for a price above the 1.5K RM he would normally charge.  all in i am estimating 15K for the bike and the build, he said one month, i am fine with two if that's where we end up.  anything short of 4 will be a major victory.

both of these shops have only been around for only a few years.  the one in bangsar is old malaysia; they are focused on expats and upper class older riders.  the kampung shop is new malaysia; focused on the younger crowds who are in the process of moving upwards. they have to build because we can not buy.  the crazy import fees need to be avoided, they can get former police motorcycles and convert them to something fun and cool, rather than just purchasing something, to be shown like a branded hand bag, they are building something unique and personal.  welcome to the rocker culture.

i rode the brat over to kampung this morning to give them the downpayment on the project bike.  i should be able to go back next weekend and see the bike.  the process has begun.  i am happy to support this business and the cultural shift it represents.  i know what i will be doing on weekends for the next couple of months.  i will balik kampung to help the guys create my vintage motorcycle.  i know exactly what i want.  i can picture it, and can't wait to do a ton.

vintage hip, cafe cool; rocker culture over louis vuitton for sure.

object desire

when asked if i like malaysia, i tend to answer with an hedge.  there are good and bad elements to it.  i discuss them to explain myself.  i can tell most people don't really want to hear the answer, they tend to be asking in the way americans ask about the weather or the local baseball team.  it's filler conversation, i should just compliment the food/weather/people and stick to the cultural pattern.  but, there are things that get deeply under my skin.  rather than just accepting them as part of the deal, i work to find ways around them.  the most recent irritation is a something i didn't realize i wanted, or thought there would be time for later, but over the past few months has been a constant desire.

let me preface the next part of this conversation by admitting, i know this is a little bit nuts.  i can hear a friends saying, "your tendency to for absent-minded multi-tasking, mixed with love of speed and willingness to push limits" make me less than a perfect candidate for this.  i realize the above is true, which seems to me to be exactly the point.  i am not reckless ... well... what about ... if i am going to concentrate my addictions, in this case my need to push the edge, this appears to be the best of all options.

similar to my coffee addiction, this one comes with some accepted risk.  also, i am betting that it will actually help calm the voices.  part of my absent minded multi-tasking is that my mind is in overdrive and seeks stimulation, when the environment doesn't provide it -- it finds ways to provide it by itself.  with the waning ability to burn for hours through code, other distractions are needed.  a few months ago, while reading mens journal, i decided i wanted a motocycle.  not the racer in the magazine, but the blacked out v7 classic,  i have never been a custom chopper kind of guy, and the superbike strikes me as a penis extension.  but when i looked at the classic lines of this bike, it clicked.  i want one.  what's stopping me ... malaysia.

the issue is not like the christmas presents from amazon or custom bag from timbuk2, like most international sites neither of those companies will ship to malaysia.  the reason they give is the amazingly high level of fraud they see coming from my adopted land.  apparently, malaysians made a habit of having things shipped, and then they claimed they never got them and refused to pay.  i know this doesn't sound like something a malaysian would do... no, never.

i can get a moto guzzi in malaysia, the list price is RM 77,000 or US$ 24,839.  it lists in the US for $ 8,990... yeah the same bike is 176% more in malaysia.  unbelievable, well for someone who doesn't live here.  why is it so high?  the most direct answer is that it's malaysia.  there are formulas about import duties and approved permits, but that is political cover for the reality that people are getting milked.

earlier this year i decided i wanted to get in shape, and thought the rowing machine i have wanted since college would help.  i did my research, and discussed shipping it from the US.  shipping was a hassel for family members.  because companies refuse to ship direct i needed someone to have a big box delivered to them and then have it shipped to me.  the upside of this plan was that exercise equipment is exempt from import.  long story short, i bought local for twice the US price.  the reason given when i asked about the mark up?  import taxes.  i mentioned that there were no import taxes, the manager of the store smiled at me and said, "well that is true, but we are the exclusive importer".  the twinkle in his eye was ... part of living in malaysia.

there is a process to avoid a bit of the markup on the motorcycle.  i can buy in the US, have it shipped here.  we are then back to hassel of family members in the US doing the shipping.  but first i need to apply for and get an "approved permit" (AP or import licence) in malaysia.  then its simply paying 85 - 130% of taxes before it can clear customs.  there apparently are "rumors" that each step in this process involves malaysian officials with open palms, which because of my role i am not able to fill for fear of US jail time for "foreign corrupt practices" or lose of my job for playing by local rules.  the "rumors" insist not being corrupt would seriously delay, or completely derail the plan.

i know this seems like an intelligence test.

the american viewpoint on this is that i am paying US$ 8,990 for a bike, and US$ 15,849 (RM 49,132) for the ability to ride it inside malaysia.  i could pay marginally less if i go through a highly convoluted process and potentially put my career and freedom at risk; neither of which i am willing to do.  the other option is to delay the purchase until i leave the country.  this would fall into the 6 year delay i have had on using pandora, the two year delay i have had on using hulu (both because access is restricted due to fraud) or the long list of purchases i have not made locally over the years (because of 100% - 300% mark-up with most retail purchases).

when i started this posting i was going to explain why i was going to just suck it up and buy the bike.  i really want it.  i want to get around KL and slip through the grid lock, rather than sit in the traffic thinking about how much worse it is now than a few years ago.

i would like to have something fun to do, something that would help release the pressure.  but as i wrote, the resentment has bubbled back up.  that is the point of why i do not love malaysia, bullshit like this happens all the time.  i am back to saying, no way i am not going to play this game, i would rather buy three motocycles in the US with the same money.

this is an intelligence test, not for me but for the voters of malaysia.  i have the option of getting off this goat rodeo and moving back to sanity without protectionist tariffs and "rumored" corruption.  where is the demand for this to change?

enough of me bitching, yeah i love malaysia, the food, the people, the weather are all wonderful.  that really is what you wanted to hear right?

you know what would help this mood?  if i could go for a ride.

comfort hotel

i really need to get away.  i was talking to a friend yesterday, and the analogy for the past few months was the power bar in the HUD while paying a video.  i smiled and realized it captured how people are feeling.  the stacked lines have disappeared from repeated hits without finding the health packs needed to recharge.  the sides of the screen are fading, the sounds of breathing from around the corner let you know the fight is still on, but the lack of ammo and health points also let you know that finding the hidden space with the recharge packs are a must if you are going to keep playings.  the issues are the time and ability to find that hidden door.

as i type this i am sitting in a cafe, trying to find a sandwich to match the comfort food desire i am feeling.  i spent the morning at a six year old's birthday party.  watching kids play in large plastic tubes and swim through pits filled with multi-colored balls both made me happy, and stoked the fires of missing home.  the feeling that a sandwich would be a good idea before going back to the condo took hold as the party broke up.  standing high in the midsts of expat-land, i searched my options for a simple sandwich.

as per usual, the solution does not match the demand.  the seriously delicious burger is not, the "classic" reuben is actually a rachel (substituting pastrami for the truly classic corned beef) and the    "classic" hotdog is a sadly chickened sausage that has none of the bite, snap or flavor of a truly a real hotdog.  all of this is acceptable by the those who do not believe that something described as classic should actually be a reasonable example of the original.  i went with the chicken avacado sandwich, which is not described as open faced, but comes that way.  i ate the chicken and ignored the brick-hard toasted piece of bread.  the comfort of enjoying the mingled flavors of meat and bread a lost-cause.

this lunch is the smaller example of the issue i am really struggling with.  how can i do a quick get away to allow myself to relax and recharge, while actually having the flavors that will help me feel relaxed.  i was almost in singapore this weekend, and that may have been close.  the san diego run by disney vibe would have helped.  the library-sized book stores, genuine-feeling hipster-staffed starbucks and non-sambal infused western restaurants would all have given comfort.  the taxi queues and casino-culture would not have.  low blood pressure delayed the trip, so i won't know if it would have given me a chance to relax.

which leaves me in not-so-truly asia.  as i was driving home last night i began to consider my options.  where can i slip away to, sleep in a big comfortable bed, have room service that is non-halal comforting and relax by the pool with a drink in my hand.  much of this i can get, sure alcohol is not a problem, hotels exist and have comforting beds.  there are hotels in KL that i have checked-in to check-out before, no flights and room service, but they do not deliver the "classic" feel.  they are weak examples of a truly 5 start hotel, as though polish and badly designed parking garages are enough to make the trip worth it.

i live in a minor city, that tries to believe it will be major within 8 years.  when i got here there were 15 years to go on that goal, and there was some chance of it happening.  but with each year that passes its clear that it won't happen.  to become a major-city you need to be able to attach the top talent, the best and the brightest and make them want to stay.  this is what hong kong and singapore, new york and london have done.  they allow the communities who move in to feel welcome inside their own enclaves.  they allow them the comforts that enable the newcomers to feel welcome, and overtime make those comforts part of the larger single community.  note that although the "big breakfast" is here, the british have left.  my point is that if malaysia had known how to keep outsiders happy the brits, japanese and even locally born chinese would not be heading for the doors so quickly.

this isn't meant to be a flame or to turn into a bitch-session about the lack of comfort i have felt for a long time.  but i am tired, i need a break, one that will not have anything to complain about. i can get on a plane and go to indonesia, thailand or vietnam and have a short break.  but i don't want to the flights.  or i can hang in there, and wait for the next trip to the land of smog and exports.  i know there i can slip off to NOLA or home plate and find some moments of non-halal happiness.  but why do i need to?  can a community building itself on diversity not support a single hotel that does nothing more than provide the same as other world-class hotels.

no wonder i am tired.  the same issues stay out there, i can hear the scraping steps and raspy breathing around the corner.  the bullet count it low, the energy meter is flashing red and i am staring down the corridor wondering what is hiding; ready to take more shots.

fight or flight; when neither is really an option it really is the time to check in and hope the room service menu is good.

schweddy balls

people don't really understand why i miss the US. it's not all the time, i like malaysia, in fact that might be why i am still here. there is incredible room for growth here, it is just stagnated under a culturally imposed corruption and social constriction. other than the promised to be repealed, or was that replaced, ISA and EO most of the fear in this country is self imposed. what we need here is a sense of humor, and the ability to say/do stupid things. because, sadly, that is what drives the economy.

if you don't believe me, i have an example. i was sitting in a cafe, and reading NPR when i came across the example. national public radio is a news organization in the US which is funded by the US government and it's listeners. they are tasked with being high quality and free of government interference with content. that doesn't really have impact on this story, but if MY locals are reading imagine news that lacks censorship, is not biased by any government overseers and has the freedom to report as they see the truth.

for example, try these articles:

• Malaysia To Abolish Two Unpopular Security Laws
• In Malaysia, Webs Popularity Breaks A Grip On Power
• Finding A Student Who Wasn't Lost: Social Media To The Rescue?

you might notice differences between those and articles that run in the NST or Star, beyond the quality of the writing.

as i read i came to an article titled: Stop 'Schweddy Balls' Effort Begins

the article is about an organization that says:

"Are you tired of all the negative influences our children are forced to contend with?"

and

"Our goal is to stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media (TV, music, movies, etc.)"

to further these goals they have taken a stand against ben & jerry's ice cream for its limited edition product, 'schweddy balls'. beyond the fact that its a dumb name that no child under 15 could pronounce, it's not even targeted towards children. ben & jerry's is a premium ice cream and shelved well above kids view. the press release actually points out the companies last limited edition product that the less-than million moms had an issue with:

"a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage"

and there we are. the mom's aren't seem pissed at the balls, they are still pissed at the company for failing to support "family values" and celebrating loving families that happen to have 4 balls, rather than the assumed mom accepted standard of two.

i might have taken a while to get to the point here, but here it is. all of this is happening without the national leadership condemning the impact to "social harmony".

a conservative religious group is looking to boycott a liberal-hippie company for a product that spun out a skit on saturday night live. SNL was making fun of NPR for being news of the liberal intelligentsia, which just happens to be the target market of the B&J's products. SNL is owned by GE, one of the largest companies in the world, NPR is largely government and private donation funded and no one is making a police report that tina fey told a baldwin brother she wanted to taste his balls on television.

the only coverage is about a product, and a fringe group that is calling for a boycott no one is going to engage in. a news outlet is then publishing that as news, which gives added coverage to itself and the product. the real result will be for people who haven't watched SNL at midnight on saturday since belushi left will now go out and buy a product they would never have noticed. exposure drives the economy, and humor helps drive that exposure. having semi-stars make fun of a radio network my daughter gets a headache from listening to is not news until someone without a sense of humor makes an issue of it for them.

what is it that i miss about the US? it could be the lack of censorship, definitely the lack of ISA and RELA, but really what i miss is a sense of humor. in the US they get to laugh at the skit, at the ice cream, at the repressed moms for the press release and at the NPR for picking up the story. i asked a few malaysians around me to try to pronounce the title, they looked shyly away and said "i don't know". come on, you need to try say it, its all about the

schweddy balls.

avoiding balik

it is hari raya weekend. this is time is equivalent to the thanksgiving of the malaysian community. a time when seemingly everyone exits the city and goes home to kampong. it is time to celebrate the end of fasting and beginning of the month of feast. years ago, my first raya was an experience of KL emptiness, as though a dystopian event had descended and driven the population into the hillside. it was actually the cultural bias to return and spend time with the family who had not transitioned into the emerging-modern world of KL. so why is it different this time, the city is full, the cafe is loud. where is the desire to go home?

the downside to having the city full the coming week is not severe; it's just not what was hoped for. KL is a place that ebbs and flows with the holiday calendar. this weekend is the combined holidays of medeka and hari raya. merdeka is a semi-secular holiday of independence from british colonial rule. hari raya is the two day festival that marks the end of the fasting month of ramadan. they are overlapping this year, making for a holiday week, because of the islamic lunar calendar which moves ramadan forward a month each year. given the length and importance of the break, it has been expected to provide space for those of us who are without kampong.

in prior years, balik kampong would empty the city. the streets would be clear, the restaurants would be empty. i should have seen the signs of this not happening this year, over the past few weeks i have asked if places would be closed, and each said they would be open. the person saying they would be open normally said it with a tone of disapproval. they appeared to want to be closed, but some owner was forcing them to be open. they are not yet comfortable to openly condem the decision, this stage of maturity only gives them the teenager angst and glare.

these were fully expat locations, coffee shops owned by kiwis and weak-copies of US hamburger or pizza places. the latter owned by mysterious malays who happily sell beer while restricting pork, but who also recognize that the economic opportunity of selling pizza to a chinese family out weighs the need of their staff to go home to mom's house and enjoy the feast of thanksgiving. actually as i think of this, this does seen like progress. economy over imaginary friends and time with mom.

on the demand side of this, there are more people who appear to have nowhere to balik. i have overheard conversations about this by locals, those who never returned on these breaks have been wondering why so many people are making the choice not to go. the common thread seems to be that family back in the hills have either died off, or have moved to KL to be cared for by the younger generations. there is no reason to go back if mom is already here.

maybe this is the right time to stipulate a few points. i have not been home is almost a year. the two homes i have in the US are both sitting unvisited, long flights away. emotionally i do not feel the need to go home for this holiday, i probably would not have gone to my isolated island family this weekend if i were there. there was a drop-off that needed to be done in the mountains, driving hours through a depressively overrated tropical storm. but i just spent the summer with 2/3 of the people i needed to celebrate, and the flights are literally a pain in my ass.

as i sit with my espresso roma, i am thinking of jodie foster's movie "home for the holidays". it is a celebration towards the sadly-average american family. through the haze of turkey, you feel the dysfunctional loving embrace of people who drive each other completely crazy, and from whom they cannot escape. in this clip you will see a strong resemblance of my father saying a thanksgiving blessing. for a more painful image, watch the infamous turkey scene; carving much to close to the bone. there are painful images, but they represent the peril of spending time with people who know the complete truth, even as the truth comes out; or returns from days long past.

this is what spending time with close family is all about. being able to remember the good old days, embracing your childhood, and dropping the pretension of adulthood. but it can come with a painfulness that you hoped you left behind. the awkwardness of youth can creep back to the surface and if you are not careful you might get hosed down on the front lawn. i don't see the local family being as honest, or is it brutal, with themselves as is jodie's purely american story.

KL is normally a crowded, but empty, city. this week we hoped for a simply empty city, but it's not happening. the crowds remain, which could be indicative of the weight that the city continues to gain on the population. if there is no other place to go, it could be that the villages are no longer holding a rural attraction, or it could be that people just want to stay home and be out of the rush. either way its another sign of change here. the people of KL are less kampong-centric, the emptiness is not what it used to be.

i need to watch for the next ebb, and may need to balik with the flow.

permitted skills

there are times when i go out looking for something to play with. when i first got here, i spent a year exiting the country every 3 months to keep my tourist visa status in place. the fact that this "work-around" had been suggested by a pseudo-governmental person seemed odd to me. the US is a cut and dry place, where having a work permit is a requirement to be working, and having the government suggest "work-arounds" is not expected. but getting my IC card was one the first experiences of waiting within the system, and has been fodder for complaint until recently.

the orginal process was stated to take a "few weeks", the reality was that it took 6 months from the beginning to end. this translated to two cycles of flights, while malaysia went through the procedural rigamarole of passing my application, often with no ability to get status other than "it is underway". the last 6 weeks of that process were spent waiting for two ministers to be available to stamp the visa. i remember not being sure which was more shocking, that ministers were only available every month and a half, that it took over a week for them to actually do the stamping, or that it took two of them to stamp in the first place. (there has to be a joke in there about how many X it takes to... but i would never go there)

the time and effort of employment pass processing is a common complaint in the expat community. one that the government argues they are addressing. this is related to the issues of malaysians who allegedly want to come back to the country, but can not because spouses are not able to get working permits. in standard form, the government announced early this year that a new organization, talentcorp, would be set up to streamline and expedite the processing of a new pass called the residence pass. three of the selling points on this program were:

1. it is specifically designed for highly-skilled people
2. the requirements were clearly defined
3. processing would be done in 21 days if submitted on-line

in many ways the added benefits of this program would not help me. i do not have a foreign spouse who needs an associated work-permit, my children are either to young or to old to qualify for their work permits and in the event my current role ends a malaysian work permit will not be a requirement for me. this might cause you to question why i am applying for this permit rather than simply extending my current permit that soon expires. the main reason is for the pure fun of it.

late last year i was reading an expat magazine and came across a summary of the coming program. the selling points above were outlined and i asked my companion if she thought i was highly-skilled. she smiled at me and asked why i was asking. i explained and said, "i have more than 18 years experience, i ran a consulting company for 10 years, i have managed teams on three continents, i specialize in e-commerce and mobile software development, i am a GM and i still do software engineering -- something that separates me from every other GM in the country, but i wonder if malaysia would consider me highly skilled."

so here is the update. we have been working on this for 3 months, MDeC now suggests that we apply for an extension to the existing employment pass in the event this drags on beyond the expiration date. the documentation that was submitted has now been declared incorrect, because it followed the directions. allegedly, the requirements have changed without being documented and we are in a holding pattern while someone figures out what is needed and which language it needs to be in. once the first semi-governmental organization does it's work, it will pass the application to a second semi-governmental organization, but the first told us this week they have no experience working with the second and are not sure what the overall process will be like.

as i am sitting on the side and smiling at this, its hard not to remember that this was an improvement put in place to streamline the previous process. the 21 day promised timeline has long past, the requirements are up in the air and there is apparently no way to make this go any faster. but i am still smiling, because i knew when i read the article that it would go this way. i told people that, and they looked at me like i was being unfair and was not giving malaysia a chance to prove that it could improve itself. how could they not be doing something better, the old process was a mess and three ministers, including the PM came out and spoke about the improvements they were going to make and how by cooperating they could change the impression of the ministries.

it feels good to give the country a chance to prove itself. it will also feel good to know that at the end of the process i will be told if the country considers me talented enough to be included in this program. i found not so desperate housewife's blog who has been approved, so i know it's possible for this program to work. it's good to know that housewives are being approved and executives in global companies are not sure if they will need to start exiting the country every three months and pretend they are tourists when they return.

but in the mean time, i will wait to see if i am "highly-skilled"

open door

there are times when you have no other option than to sit with someone you have few other chances to sit with and make small talk. these times are the moments of adulthood that you realize you are an adult. they are the moments that as children you sat on the side and watched adults accomplish seemingly without effort. small talk is about little subjects, but sometimes real interactions happen during these conversations. if you are careful, you might hear something that matters.

i was sitting in an airport with two staff members. we had finished the agenda of the trip and just needed to get on a plane and get home. most of the senior managers in KL would not sit with staff members in this setting. not only would it most likely have been acceptable for me to sit away from the staff and do my own thing, it's highly possible they would have wanted me sit on the other side of the room. being american, deeply believing in egalitarism, pushed me to sit with them and engage in small-talk. i might have wanted to continue reading the book on "relentless capitalism", but instead i talked about micro-sociology.

we came to a point on the open-door policy i have in the office. as each new employee joins our company, they are brought to my office on their first day so i accomplish three tasks, i:

1. welcome them to the company
2. give them a team shirt (we do a new design/color each year)
3. explain my open door policy, and ask them to come back to see me if they need something

one of the staff on the trip with me is a senior contributor who is just moving into a manager role. i have known him for years now, and have watched him grow from a very junior staff member to a emerging leader. he is a standard quiet and respectful asian kid. it was a bit scary when he said, "can i be honest and tell you something?". honesty, rather than distanced politeness, is less than common here than in the US, so my interest was piqued.

he said, "sometimes people might be afraid to come to your office. they are not sure if you are busy, or in a bad mood, so they do not go." there was a pained look on his face while he said it. i could sense he was outside his comfort-zone by telling me this. the asian training to never upset an elder or someone in a position of authority was challenging his new found american group ethic. i sensed this conversation was only happening because of the week he had just spent immersed with a large team of vocal and decidedly less than shy amercians.

i took a beat trying to decide how to respond to this. i have heard it before, a sizable group of the staff do not feel comfortable coming into my office for any reason. they feel as though those who do come in are being treated as favorites and are given special consideration because they get to talk to me one on one. i have been told this on the side, by those who do come to talk to me. usually they say it with a pained look of someone who has experienced peer pressure or abuse.

i asked the young manager i was sitting next to, trying to count the number of times he had come into my office in the 3 years of service and ending with a very low number, why is it my fault that people don't feel comfortable coming in to see me? i meet every single new hire, and tell them the same thing. "come talk to me anytime, i am here to help if you have an issue, or to talk if you want to." some do, most don't. i have asked people to wait while i am finishing something, but i meet with everyone who comes in. if they are not sure if i am busy or in the wrong state of mind, they can ask my assistant, she seems to read me pretty well.

for the ones that do come in and talk, i end up knowing them and having a better idea of what is happening in their lives, both work and away. i recently thanked two staff members who came in together. i remember saying, "thanks for talking to me about this, i am having a tough day and helping you with this will end up being the best part of my day". i am busy most days, i have a tendency to show frustrations; but being here to help is what i consider about half of my job.

everyone is told the same thing, but some hear it and and others don't. i started to think about those who do come in. there is a trend, non-malaysians come more frequently than those born here. those who have gone to school off-shore come more frequently than those who have not. working on a team that i directly manage helps, so does being younger, and being from one of the local ethnic groups seems to lower your likelihood of coming in, while being on another seems to raise it. all of these have been true for years, and all of them are equally true for our attrition rates. or maybe its that people who do come in tend to leave less than those who do not.

so here it is. i have an open door policy, but i can not force them to walk through it. either you trust what i am telling you and come in, or you don't. that is not on me, that is on you. i know you are not used to authority figures doing what they promise you, but hey this could be your chance to see that it can happen. i have an idea:

come in and see if it's true. if it is, go back out that open door and tell others. forget about trust, try some actual proof.

patik botak

a few days ago, i heard someone declare the ruling class was nearing the end of it's 50+ years of dominance. they believed the time had come for the rakat to over throw the scoundrels and replace them with a new generation of actual leaders. as i was driving yesterday, i ruminated on the possibility. but, how does this country find leadership when anyone coming up the ranks has been born and raised to believe the current environment is the only reality this country can ever hope for. the levels of apathy and acceptance that i see here is the single most frustrating thing about living in the country. it's enough for me to consider throwing my hat into the ring.

first of all, i am at a disadvantage to be elected. but i do have qualifications, i have degrees in political science and finance. i have been a successful entrepreneur and run multi-national corporations. i have travelled and have worked with public and private sector organizations, building and growing organizations. but best of all, i am the ultimate outsider. i was not raised in the shadow of corruption, i do not have a father or uncles who are part of the old guard. i am doing this because i want to see things get better, and i am shocked no one else is willing to stand up.

beyond needing to polish up the story of growing up grandson of immigrants, under-privileged but motivated to succeed, product of mixed religion and believing in fairness over privilege, what i really need is a platform. the list of things i will focus my administration on correcting when we come to into office. they need to be simple and attainable, but they need to make an impact. yet another economic plan that is 10 years out and destined to fail is not what this candidacy is all about. we need to make real change happen.

the plan is simple and it's all about fairness:

1. free and fair elections - no reason to march, i agree, one man/one vote
2. freeze spending on religion - no spending on mosques until we decide if we want spending on all religions or none. spending public funds on just one isn't fair
3. merit based education - scholarships will go to the best students, ties will be settled by lottery
4. education loans, not gifts - students who study abroad and don't return will have their parents prepared to pay off the loans. no more special treatment for the elite.
5. eliminate tariffs on cars, autos, sports equipment - no need for middle income country to pay 3 times more for items than other countries
6. help companies hire and train staff - lets help college graduates find jobs and get job experience
7. eliminate special contracts - why should taxpayers pay more than needed for programs. contracts that remain should be open to review.
8. report politicians income - i will open up my income statement, and expect everyone else who runs to do the same. its a crime no one else has suggested this, and tells you they are hiding the graft they have enjoyed.
9. allow freedom of speech - eliminate ISA and remove political pressure from media. let people say how frustrated they are so we can fix things
10. encourage green space - we have so much beautiful space, why are the homes on top of each other. let the kids run and play on some grass.
11. increase public spending on arts - music, dance, fine arts are important. beauty is good.
12. increase spending on education - help the next generation to learn and compete in the world economy, help the country grow and prosper, the current direction must be fixed
13. provide one set of laws to everyone - to be fair, everyone must have a single set of civil laws. religion, class, income and position are no longer ways to avoid fairness.
14. allow marriage without conversion - allow people to love each other without making it about what religion they are (this is the norm in most of the world, including arab countries)

it's a simple plan. it shocks me that a conservative asian country spends so much time talking about who is the man in a video tape that so few people have seen. it shocks me that an opposition leaders spend so much time defending themselves, but never talk about policy. ruling party spends so much time reminding people they had nothing to do with the leaking of a tape or the making of an allegation, but don't come forward and admit corruption and privilege is part of the reason the country is stuck in the middle income trap.

my position is simple, let's really fix things not just talk about it. you can vote for patik botak, or you can run yourself. step up and help fix things, you can even use my platform if you want. if you do i would be happy to vote for you. i would expect others to vote for you too. there are only two things wrong.

first, i don't get a vote here. second, no one else seems to be asking politicians to come up with a plan or to demand fairness. british divide and rule is still dominant and expected. why would politicians improve if no one tells them that they should?

vote for me, patik botak. adil untuk semua.

completely built-up

living in malaysia can be the most frustrating moments of my life. if you know me at all, you know that frustration is pretty much a constant for me, and i have the ability to deal with frustration well beyond the norm. but, dealing with complete stupidity is the thing that sets me off, and living within the rigged systems of this country are constantly annoying.


in the US i own a volvo XC-70, the full-size all-wheel drive model of my lab-owner/soccer-dad social class. i love the car, and miss driving it while i am here. the hyundai i am driving now is a big step up from the proton perdana i used to drive. the upgrade was done by the rental company because they could not keep up with the constant maintenance the local car required to keep it running. both are well short of the leather seats and handling of the volvo sitting lonely in the US.


they are also short of the VW or mini-cooper i planned to purchase when i first moved here. i planned to buy a cheap car that was fun to drive, maybe a convertible because of the heat. those were quickly dashed, and not just because there are almost no convertibles here. i learned cars that cost USD 20K in the US, cost USD 60K+ here. why would i buy what to me was a cheap car, but pay 50% more than the top of the line sportswagon i was leaving behind? i wouldn't, and anyone who does has just failed an intelligence test.


but people do buy overly expensive cars here. i used to assume it was just people benefiting from datuk-driven corruption, but there are simply too many nice cars on the road to explain all of them. i next assumed the owners are paying off import officials to get reasonably-priced foreign cars in. this one has not been proven true or false, but it is clearly in the realm of possibility. lastly i learned that people take loans for 7 or more years to pay for their cars. americans upgrade cars on average every 4 years, and the higher end market is closer to every 3, so buying any car and paying for it over 7 years is a strange idea.


but when you consider the cost of buying a car here, in relative terms to average salary, you can understand why people need long financing. having grown up in an open economy, where prices are kept low through competition, rather then high through political means and layers of skimming, i am simply not able to participate in the system. so i sit on the side and grumble.


a few weeks ago i was in BSC looking at a slightly less price-elevated macbook air. as i was walking through the mall i saw a volvo V50 on display. i walked over and sat in the car, thinking about returning the to US and buying this as a smaller version of the car that was paid off years ago. but as i sat in the car i noticed a bleak interior. everything was cheap plastic, and the accessories were either missing or of lower quality than i expected. the car had no soul, no personality. this was not the volvo product i had been craving, just a welfare version with the same shape.


i got out of the car and asked the sales girl standing near by about the car. she didn't speak english, so she shyly called over "her senior". selling cars in the premium expat mall in town, i would expect english, but i know finding those skills is getting harder and harder as generation M comes of age. the slightly better skilled senior came over and explained the car was CKD, which he happily explained as "completely knocked down", a car assembled in country with the cheapest parts available shipped in. i asked about cars produced entirely outside, he told me those would be CBU or "completely built-up", and also explained those would cost more.


okay, so maybe CKD was a practical way to purchase a car. i assumed the cost would be a rational number, so i asked. what he quoted was more than twice the cost of a fully equipped version of the car in the US. here comes the frustation. i sighed and asked if i could get a sunroof, remembering my plans of driving a convertible. he laughed and said, "malaysians don't know how to install a sunroof". so what if i buy CBU? no, CBU comes with none of the options i would want because it would make the car too expensive for the market, and its impossible to order it with anything that would make the car fun or give it a personality.


the frustration was now on multiple levels. yes the corruption of the country has been going on for much to long and must change for the overall economy to improve, rather than slip backwards into happy dysfunction. the tarrifs must be removed, so the people can buy items at world prices. if this mean inefficient companies that cannot compete or produce quality products are effected, that is what capitalism is all about. malaysians need to demand these changes, and it shocks me that they do not already. but the most important thing is that malaysians need to look at the reality of the situations around them and stop using good sounding words for less acceptable reality.


it could be saying "the best and the brightest" for recent graduates who are not able to pass an interview in the foreign-owned companies that must be attracted and retained to continue to grow. it could also be ordering an "airport limo" and being picked up by a proton waja. but, it is definitely that "completely built up" should not be applied to a stripped down shadow of the real product. malaysias need to understand that there are better options out there, and that they are being ripped off every time they make a purchase today. the reason i am frustrated is that i see so much ability to improve, and so much more organized denial stopping it.


the first step to change is admitting you have an issue. please admit it so we can begin to change the names of things around here and i can be less frustrated;


only then will malaysia be completely built-up.

talking racism

i walked into my new favorite breakfast place and the owner came over to me to say they were reversing their reversal and would now cook an egg a second way. this made me happy, because it was good to see something change for the better. while thanking him, he said thank you to me in return. his point was that i needed to tell them what i wanted, so they could change.

when my special order was brought over the women at the table next to me asked me what i was having. i told them, they laughed and told me the same thing had happened to them last week, and announced the next time they came in they would order the same thing because it looked so good. the table next to them was listening in on our conversation and called the waitress over to see what i was eating. a movement has begun, welcome to the breakfast sandwich revolution. it all started with someone asking for something to change, and those in power to listen and respond. the happiness is spreading.

as i was enjoying my coffee and surfing wikipedia, i heard the women at the table next to me mention my company by name. i leaned over and asked if i had heard correctly. i had and the simple question turned into a 20 minute conversation. one of the women had spent three years in the US, and is now struggling back in her native country. she talked about the culture shock of returning and brought up how hard it is to live within a racist country. this is a common conversation here, people talk about it openly, but it's bollocks and it would help if they stopped talking about one thing when they mean another.

american's have a reputation around the world as being simplistic and rude. we are made fun of because we do not travel outside our country and do not understand the world. the political system in the US is contentious, but it is also stable and effective. our government is passed back and forth between the parties, and even when we have election issues like the ballet crisis in florida that elected bush, the system works. the parties use division, but it is less and less about race; or only indirectly.

american politics are about religion and economics. the GOP is seen as the party of the fundamentalist religious right, they are for small government, low taxes, and would like to use christian values to direct the country. the democrats are on the left, they are the party of the working man, suspicious of big business, believe government should be used to protect those least able to protect themselves. at times this has been portrayed as the white business man against his workers of color, but those days are gladly disappearing. the courts helped to wash that away, enforcing the equality and freedom of stupidity guaranteed by our constitution.

my hippie parents were a great example of working class amercians. they came of age during the 50s and 60s, they have lived through the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll years that were part of the amercian social upheaval. my father worked and socialized with friends across color, religion and economic boundaries. i remember him waving to a person on the street, and then under his breath saying something rude; drunk-bastard, stupid-wop, nigger all passed his lips over the years. did this make him a racist? he would say he was just calling a spade a spade.

when i dated an african american in high school he pulled me aside and warned me it was going to be hard. the thing was, he was right, it was harder than normal. we had social differences, and they didn't make connecting any easier.

dad could use harsh words, but he could also open his doors to people of all colors. i remember sitting at thanksgiving dinner next to a man who scared me most of the year. his name was sherwood, he was a neighborhood alcoholic who could get mean when he drank. as kids, we knew to give him a wide birth while he was drinking. when i asked my father why he was coming to dinner, my dad looked over and reminded me that sherwood had no one else to have dinner with. he told me that no matter how little we had, we needed to help those who had less than us. race didn't matter, we would help those around us regardless of color or lifestyle. this doesn't sound racist to me, it is advice everyone should get from their father.

as i look at malaysia, i don't see racism. i see people trying to live their lives. i see self-imposed or socially-supported segregation all over, but at least in my MNC world, there is little open hatred or hostility. the social rules, enforced by the asian shame culture are the root of the evil here, and people have little capacity to honestly question it. segregation happens with the practice of endogamy, enforcement of semi-halal rules, and educating children in religious or language segregated schools to ensure they are indoctrinated into a foreign culture. these all happen at the expense of creating a single culture, and is universally accepted as proper.

the US has a program of affirmative action, meant to protect the rights of minorities and level the playing field. for the past 50 years it has been illegal to "discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of sex, race, creed, color, or national origin". affirmative action was at times implemented as quotas, but in the past decade that was rolled back because it unfairly selected minority candidates over the majority. much like affirmative action rules all over the world, the issues in malaysia are not truly about race, they are about preferences that help some at the expense of others.

last week, local newspapers had coverage of 100 ethnic indians being arrested, and more threatened with water cannons, for attempting to march against a book called "interlok" being added to the school curriculum. the book includes a plot line of indians coming to malaysia 60 years ago, and bringing their cultural standards such as caste system with them. having been here 5 years, i can tell you the caste system is still echoing in the indian culture. is it racist to have a book written in a different time point out the realities of that time? someone here should read "to kill a mocking bird", a book that helped white amercia come to terms with itself.

last week the newspapers also had coverage of a debate on stopping the practice of asking for race on applications. this is not just for employment, it is done on almost all applications in the country, not really a shock for a country that lists religion on your identity card (IC). but honestly, if you had a stack of applications with names like "adbul", "ganish", "chew" and "fernandez" would it be difficult for you to select based on "racism"? more importantly than not asking, make sure it does not matter. a level playing field is the only way to do that, and for it to be level, there should not be teams competing with referees who care who wins able swing the game.

i live and work around malays, chinese, indians, japanese, iranian, egyptian, burmese, indonesians and koreans and an assortment of other expats. i see mixed marriages of all sorts, those that work well and those that do not. i watch groups of people at tables all over this country and see the high level of mixing that takes place. i also see many more tables that are a single race. but those are self-imposed choice, not a conspiracy of racism that malaysians talk about.

if malaysian's don't like their political parties that are divided by race and unified by the political segregation, they should change it. there is no lack of talk about it, but nothing happens because they are taught to stay in their correct place and do what the society expects. this is the heart of living within a shame society:

shame is a reaction to ... our failure to live up to our obligations and the expectations others have of us. in true shame oriented cultures, every person has a place and a duty in the society. one maintains self-respect, not by choosing what is good rather than what is evil, but by choosing what is expected.

if there is racism here, it is that each group refuses to give up the expectations they have for those in their own group. it is not driven by the other groups, but by each of the groups within itself. there is no cultural agreement on "one malaysia" because there is no single set of rules. imagine the stadium in bukit jalil, with four different sports being played at one time, and each team pointing to each other and complaining they are not being treated fairly because they do not have enough of the field.

my father the plain talking, and obnoxious, american would have looked at this and shook his head. he might have said, "this is an useless as a tit on a bull"... i can imagine three cultures offended by that johnism, but with typical self-imposed segregation i doubt they could agree on the word that was offensive.

malaysia is not racist, but it is also not multicultural, if so it really would be 1Malaysia.

/********

multiculturalism has come to mean the advocacy of extending equitable status to distinct ethnic and religious groups without promoting any specific ethnic, religious, and/or cultural community values as central.

********/

p ramlee

living in a foreign country for almost 5 years gives you the opportunity to question your own country is many ways. the things you take for granted, because you culturally share them with friends and family, are rarely the same for those who are around you day to day. social beliefs come from many sources; the words of politicians and preachers, the spin of news and the fiction in books. but the most powerful for me is the stories and characters in movies. i find that cultures are driven by their icons, which has me thinking about my adopted home.

there is a new restaurant in bangsar village called "plan-b". as the name suggests there is almost nothing new about the place. the menu and management team were both stolen from delicious when the owners sold that successful chain to the E&O hotel group. possbily to make it less of a direct copy, this time the color scheme is black, and the staff is mostly local; neither of which is a positive change. the only improvement to the place is the showing of "p. ramlee" movies running silently on large screens at the back of the house.

as i was waiting for the worst service i ever, the movies gave me a chance to consider how much malaysia has changed since the 60s. the women in the film were uncovered and tightly wrapped in kebaya, some of the most beautiful women i have seen here. the subtitles helped me follow along with the plot, which seemed to have three paths:

1. the splitting up of a fathers estate among brothers that smiled at each other but all wanted more than they got
2. the failure of a one of the brothers businesses
3. the attempt to marry three daughters off to a rich business associate in an attempt to avoid admitting failure publicly

the movie was full of plotting and fake smiles, success would come from inheriting or marrying into wealth, rather than building it. talent was not the driver of the film or the culture, it was what connections you made and how you conducted meetings behind closed doors. the idea that "it's not what you know, it's who you know" is there in the US, but it's not the core of the cinema experience; or of the cultural. if p. ramlee is the example of movie icon here, i began to wonder who it is for the US.

using movies from the same period as the ramlee films, i would point to john wayne as the typical american icon. films with wayne as a strong leader, almost always a self starter and independent man. one who fought for what was right, and would always win. later films, like true grit the recently remade classic, showed that he understood he was aging, but that the world still needed men with grit. riding tall in the saddle, blocking the way of a larger group and speaking clearly with "bold talk for a one-eyed fat man" was the example being set.

a more modern example of the same american character is jason bourne. a man put into a situation that he does not completely understand, but that he finds he has the skills to react to. bourne represents a bit of the europeanization of the american phyche, more educated and nuanced than any character wayne played, but always capable. early in the series, bourne even shows how surprised he is at the things he can do when he is forced. americans have learned that sometimes they are forced into action, but much like the old john wayne films are still expected to succeed.

another example of this is the "die hard" character john mcclane. mcclane is an average guy, when we meet him he is picked up at the airport by a chauffeur he did not expect and driven to the holiday party of his estranged wife's company. she is an executive, he is a police sargent and they live 3,000 miles apart, this is a man whose life has taken turns he did not expect. as the film unfolds we find that "only john can drive someone that crazy". he is difficult to live with, has a big mouth and enjoys annoying people, but is also the guy you want on your side in a fight. mcclane, like bourne, takes enormous punishment through the film and keeps going. stopping is not an option; being tired and bloody, but continuing on is what makes him "that guy". he could stop, but no one else is there to do the job.

i asked an american friend about this the other day, who did he see as the amercian icon in film. he quickly said, bill murray in stripes. the movie is about a guy who loses his job, his car, his apartment and his girlfriend all in one day, so he joins the army. this is not an action film, it's a comedy about being a wise ass, having the freedom to be oneself even when you are forced to fit into a community you do not naturally belong. but even in this film, the character is forced into action and takes leadership of the unit, steals an armored RV and invades czechoslovakia to save friends who have strayed into trouble. another hero, clearly one we did not expect at the beginning.

as i look over this list, it reenforces the idea that american films teach that the community must succeed. culture says we must be ready for action (even if we did not want it), we can get the crap beat out of us, but we will win if we keep going. we expect to win because we learn to not give up at the first sign of tough times. in almost all of these films, the hero is working against those in power, or are getting less than the support expected. needing to be self sufficient is also part of that beaten up and bloodied american psyche. which brings me back to malaysian film icons.

i did some reading on p. ramlee after watching the silent movie. he lived the end of his life in singapore. towards the end he was the butt of jokes, and considered a has-been and was rejected by malaysia. after an untimely death in 1973 the malaysian community waited 9 years to rename a street for him, and another 8 after that to award an honorary title of "tan sri". he is now a caricature that silently runs in a restaurant with horrible service. i am not sure what he represents to the malaysian community and what his films say about the culture or the community as a whole.

i want to understand, but locals have not been willing or able to tell me. to be fair, i just asked one more time, trying to get an answer before assuming that the country really does not have an inner message. i turned to an available malaysian and explained my question, when asked who is the film icon for the country he quickly said "p. ramlee", when asked what the films said to malaysia, he replied:

"i don't know, i have never watched one"

comfortably upset

living on the other side of the world, especially in a place that goes out of it's way to make people believe that everything must follow rules that make no sense, can get frustrating. the worst of those times are when you don't feel well and you crave the comforts that you left in the patriot homeland. it makes you focus on the things you wish you had, but can not get.

i have gotten used to not having access to certain things. not big things, little things, things that a pampered amercian would have at all times, things like medicines that work, services that serve and comforts that provide comfort.

panadol doesn't work for me, it does less than nothing, and taking 8 pills for a headache and having it pulse away is just no fun at all. so i stock up on pink jelly-coated tablets when i am in the US and hope the number of headaches between each trip, multiplied by 3 or 4 tablets needed to combat each, is less than the stock count of pills i carry back to the land of strange and ineffective drugs.

the fact that i have headaches and have a solution doesn't change the fact that i have other needs like stomachaches, which are called oddly gastric here. this of course also means that i need a solution for acid reflux, again i have to import and manage my own supply of pepcid AC because the bottles of chalky white liquid and the pills the pharmacist will offer also do nothing to stop the acid that chews my stomach and wakes me up while i sleep. the list continues, but the solutions begin to run out.

it might be possible that i am difficult, or that i simply like products which work for me; even if i need to carry them from the other side of the world. but there are limits to the things i can bring here. my favorite wine, beer, whiskey, swim shorts, bicycle, pizza, pasta, yogurt, classic DVD and head bands are a few of the items i can not get here, and have almost no acceptable replacement. the fact that i can't get them is something i am normally okay with. the reason i can't get them is beyond me. a country that says it is trying to become a high income economy sometimes tries to have high quality items and good service as the backbone of the system. crappy service, bad products and lack of access is the hallmark of a dysfunctional system.

as my day progressed today, my stomach started to grumble and pressure built in uncomfortable ways. i began to think the best thing for me was to go home, lay on the couch and eat some comfort food. i didn't need much more than time to recover from this, but i wanted to feel comfortable and happy as i laid down with a grumbly tummy and waited for it to pass. the bump in my plan was that i had no food in the fridge and no desire to eat the standard dinner choices, sadly indian, thai, vietmanese and chinese foods are just not comfort food for an irish american with an upset intestinal track.

room service is a company that delivers dinners to expats all over KL. they have a strangely shaped catalog that collects the menus of the restaurants you can order from. i read the menu front to back, and found a single restaurant to order from. there was pizza with false sausage i almost ordered, there was chicken in strange sauce that i could have ordered, but i went with german/swiss pork and whipped potatoes with a gravy that tastes like ketchup. if you don't know it potatoes are like children, they should never be whipped and gravy should never, ever, ever taste like ketchup; even if it is a german kitchen.

there was no comfort from the dinner. it was just not what was needed to settle me down and allow me to feel better. so i am laying on the couch, watching an 11-year old television show about american politics, and thinking about the lack of access to quality items that help improve life and comfort. i am looking forward to the day that KL has all of the quality and comfort that the rest of the world enjoys.

until then, i have a headache, i need to go take a couple pills.

squared away

when i first came to malaysia i began talking to locals about where to live. the advice focused a few of the expat areas. ampang was suggested if had children, bangsar if i liked clubs and mont kiara if i wanted an upscale and quiet area. the last alternative was to live in the high-tech backwater at the bottom of the multi-media super corridor. but a town with empty roads, no starbucks and almost no people held less than zero appeal.

i quickly decided ampang was the wrong side of the tracks for me. having an international school handy was not an issue if the kids were going to be in the us for school. the zoo wasn’t something i needed to see, and the hills were having landslides. ampang looked too slow, an area that had seen its day and then watched it slip away.

the next stop was bangsar. i was staying in central area hotels and found banana leaf next to the pasar malam in telawi to be a nice way to spend sunday nights. the clubs have never been a draw for me, but there were interesting restaurants, two starbucks and a mc donalds within walking distance. the place held promise, but the condos were high on the hill and a bit beyond walking distance. there were row house bungalows, but why would i need that much space? i was moving with two hockey bags of possessions a house would have been totally empty.

this was when a friend of a friend offered to drive me around and show me some of the other areas. we went from place to place, and finally ended up in front of a neon red and yellow sign that read hartamas square. in that moment i knew i was in the right area. i knew this was a place i would like to live; no clubs, slower life, and hawker stands near by for a vast selection of dinner choices.

why am i talking about this? i mean who cares why i selected where to live and what does it have to do with now? well, because before you even notice it, things change. i have been here long enough to find places that i really liked, make friends there, find meals i would order over and over as comfort foods and then see them close without telling me first.

at new years room service told me that TSB was closing. i went in and asked and sure enough, the space had been sold and the restaurant was closing. a few weeks ago planter jim’s also closed. i was walking to the bank and saw the gutted space that was once my favorite provider of green curry and mango sticky rice. last week i saw that devis in hartamas was closed, they either had a fire or they decided to do renovations. either way, there is currently nowhere local for me to stop at 4 am for a post-deployment teh tarik.

but the largest shock came this week. the kids and i wanted to do a fast dinner, we could not agree on a tau pow place, and we wanted to spend some time together before my meetings. so we drove down to hartamas and found the neon turned off. there were trucks being loaded with all things mobile. the lights were off, and it was clear they were not coming back on. another comfort zone has disappeared right before my eyes. the neighborhood is changing, and i am wondering if its part of a larger movement that i should be responsive to.

both bangsar and hartamas have recently exploded with reflexology spas, this has come with a closure of many of the best restaurants. other places, like our favorite burrito place in jaya one has recently been painted in bright green and white, but the quality of the food has dipped below the already lowered level of acceptance for mexican food in asia. (i have found great mexican food in australia, indonesia and vietnam, but never in malaysia)

i have begun to wonder if like ampang before it, my neighborhood changed while i wasn’t paying enough attention. or has malaysia in general decided that quality and improved life style does not matter. hartamas square is being knocked down to build yet another row of shop lots or a taller building of offices. but where does one go to have a relaxed and open-air dinner in the middle of expat land? my first hope, as with devi’s, is that the owners were going to put some capital back in and clean things up to improve the space. the trend appears to be to simply knock good things down and build more of the same.

malaysia talks about two things they need to continue to improve and compete. those things are driving innovation and improving life styles to match the growth in the economic opportunities. how does this square up with the expansion of semi-d housing complexes and cookie cutter high-rise apartments that remain empty when completed? innovation and improvement means creating things that are new and not simply copying the same old thing.

hartamas, devis, TSB and jim’s were all places that were different and had character. they welcomed the patrons and gave them something interesting and different. they are all closed now and their neighborhoods suffer for the loss.

if there is an interesting place out there that is high quality, unique in its service, welcoming, comes with choice… but… is not in a mall, has easy parking and has staff who know how to smile and laugh, will you tell me about it?

if you can’t think of something that fits this criteria… consider the deeper meaning.

rolling thunder

during the 1960s amercia was fighting a war in vietnam, and a related one at home with itself. both were attempts to stop liberalism from overtaking the US. communists were threatening to tumble democracies in asia and the progressive social movement was threatening to change the dynamic of control that was the 1950s. in vietnam, the US fought a three year campaign of B-52 strikes called rolling thunder. it was a failed mission that was doomed from the start by intrusive politicians and their conservative policy of gradualism. these are shadows of the past which i see in the lightening storms today.

a few months ago i awoke to the loudest thunder i have ever heard. well, the second loudest, the first woke me two years ago; that night i was standing when i realized i was awake. this time i was still lying down when the thunder shook me. living 250 feet off the ground, perched on the top of one of KL's highest hills translates to occasionally loud nights, but this was well beyond ordinary. i got out of bed and went to the balcony to watch the show.

thunder storms in KL normally come with torrents of rain. water falling so hard it has its own rhythmic roar that tries to mask the thunder in the distance. as i stepped outside, i felt the still air on my skin and noticed the depth of silence that seemed to have a hold on the night. the normal roar was replaced with silence so deep it felt like the night was standing frozen in time.

low clouds covered the city and obscured the mountains to the north. i saw a bolt of lightening reach downward, it lingered in the air as though it was attempting to hold onto the base of the mountains; refusing to let go of the ground it claimed to own. a moment passed in silence until the bolt's angry thunder passed through me. rather than being heard once and fading away, the thunder trapped between the deep clouds and mountains ricocheted back and forth over the otherwise quiet city. it was as though it wanted to be heard over and over so it would not be forgotten in history.

the normally active city had been stolen in the night and replaced with a kampung, one too small to make noise of its own. this was KL at its best, covered in clouds, shrouded and still. i knew i was experiencing something special. i have been here long enough to know the rhythms of the city, and this was not normal KL. it was raya season and i thought about those fasting, i wondered if this quiet was related to them. sleeping soundly, with another hour to rest before they got up to subo. was the stillness of the night because so many were asleep?

this was a violent storm, breaking over the city and sending waves of sound back and forth through the valley. it was also a beautiful show to watch, impressive lightning and rolling thunder, the likes of which i have never experienced in the US. KL is an impressive and beautiful place, it is special in its quiet times. it is impressive in its shyness; curious eyes shifting away with a pleasant smile.

but KL also has a dark side, one that flared up last friday when the often discussed harmony was broken by SMS driven news that because some could correctly use a word others began firebombing churches and vandalizing cars while leaving prayers. i did not see the vandalism myself, but malay friends of mine did and told me it happened, with the same shyness and shifted gaze. this time they averted their eyes out of sadness for the truth.

i am old enough to remember the tension of race wars in the US. i had friends who were distrusted or disliked for the color of their skin, or the different name of their shared god. it took nearly 30 years for my country to recover from those violence stained moments in our history. the recovery was long, but it was better than allowing it to remain the way it had been. there were more brave people who cared for fairness than scared people demanding race politics; respect and justice won in the end.

i used to say that malaysia was like being in the US during the 1950s. my fear is that we are now slipping into the turbulence of the 1960s. malaysia is facing a storm of its own, one that is self imposed and similarly driven by fear of change. life here will not remain as it has been, so each person must decide if it matters that real harmony is found. liberalism might scare some, but we should all be more scared of firebombs and tyranny.

gradualism is code for status quo. all systems move towards equilibrium. this beautiful country has been out of balance for a long time. the distant flashes of light, and the sound of turbulence are signs of that the storm is out there. the only real solution is to allow the system to come into balance and stop simply saying that it already is. the US lost it's wars during my childhood, but won the peace by remembering what mattered most.

let's pray to {your version of the word} for satu malaysia, with liberty and justice for all.

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as i stood watching that night, i was shocked that no one else came onto the balconies around me. how could a storm like this take the city and not wake the sleeping up? i guess some people heard but did not leave their comfortable place.

maybe i am the one that is strange, willing to get up and move towards the storm.

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