not sure

one thing about traveling is that you get to experience new cultures, and at times it challenges some of your cultural norms. this is the situation i have found myself in. it’s a strange situation for me. i feel as though i am being objectified, and i am not sure how to handle it. i also don’t have anyone to ask if this is normal, so i am not sure if what i am feeling is even valid.

when i checked into the hotel yesterday, one of the guys who works at the front desk was walking by me and patted my stomach. it was a gentle touch which i felt was meant to reassure me that they would find me a room and i should not worry. it was also a touch that sent a tingle down my spine and made me very uncomfortable in the, “did that guy just touch me like that?” way.

as i was shopping today, there was a sales guy who was trying to make a sale, and to project the friendly nature of our relationship reached out and squeezed my shoulder. he smiled at me and appeared to be saying its okay we are friends. i again was struck by the desire to gain some physical space and possibly do him some bodily harm. i surpressed these urges and just moved on in my day.

as i am sitting in a café, watching england beat on estonia, one of the waiters came over introduced himself and asked me a few questions. i am used to this, people want to practice their english and they try to use as many of the phrases they learned in class as possible. next he reached out a squeezed my shoulder in the same way the sales guy did, then he let his hand linger and rubbed my back. i am starting to think i am doing something to bring this on. i am not, i am just sitting and minding my own business.

but, i am starting to question myself. each of these guys has a slight build, high voices and no issues with invading close personal space. they also have personalities which set off my “gaydar” and have me thinking they are “just jack”. the issue is, i have no idea if this is normal within the local community and if i am just being sensitive. i have little or no issue with alternative lifestyles, and homophobia isn’t normally an issue for me, but why are they touching me?

even if it is that i am being hit on, what am I going to do? would it really be a good idea for me to rough up a local in a communist country? i doubt we have an embassy here, and after seeing “the deer hunter” I have no desire to expose myself to the vietnamese criminal justice system.

this does give me an idea of how women must feel if a man touches them without invitation. that shiver that when down my spine was not something i want o feel again; but at the pace this has been happening there is no way i think i will get out of the country without a repeat.

just because i am sexy does not mean i can be treated as a sex object.