eastern comfort

coming to asia comes with many challenges, many new experiences. some are obvious, learning new social customs, experiencing new foods, taking on new languages. all of this is obvious and expected from a westerner who is coming to asia for the first time. our friends and family ask us if we are prepared, we say “sure, no problem”; but secretly we wonder ourselves. as I said, this is expected, but there are less expected issues you confront as an expat in asia, some that are hard to anticipate or to ask about in polite social situations.

the first time i was confronted with the most urgent of these issues was in singapore’s changi airport, it was my first trip to asia, i was waiting for my connecting flight and realized i had to find a bathroom in a hurry. i searched for a few minutes and finally found a small bathroom near the restaurants on the first floor (at the time thought of as the second floor based on my american training), i walked in behind another traveler who took the second of two stalls, i pushed the door on the first stall, as i read a sign on the door, i was perplexed by the warning to take care of the trench. as I pondered what that meant, but was happy to find the door open given my urgent need, i looked up and found myself face to face with my first eastern toilet.

i remember myself, standing in shocked confusion for a moment as i pondered the situation. the room was very clean and i was sure i was capable of using the device; i have been camping or in need of relief while outdoors my entire life. this was different; the thought of using indoor facilities while in a squatting position was, well let’s say it came with a level of stress. realizing i had promised to live here in asia for the next few years, i decided that “while in asia, i must do as the asians do”.

my next experience with the eastern toilet came with a trip to mid valley, the major shopping center of KL. i again was in urgent need, as i came into the bathroom, i realized the only option was the eastern style, i said to myself, “i am a pro at this, sure there is the question of balance, but i have done this before no issue”. i move ahead with confidence, and as i was about to complete the process i realized with horror that there is no tissue dispenser inside the stall. i of course have seen the hose which is present in all bathrooms, but not having childhood experience, i have simply ignored that assuming it was there to help the maintence staff, not the patrons. i now realized, it must be there for my use. but how, how can this be used without leaving wet and uncomfortable?

the solution to this was to use the hose, pack up, go outside and find the large tissue dispenser on the wall, not near the door, but on the far side of the wall near the sinks and finally to return to the stall to as we shall say, finish the process. Nnote to self, look before you begin to use and better yet carry tissue with you at all times; an addition i have made to my messenger bag.

future trips to bathrooms around the country have lead to an understanding that water is used in the process. most times, especially in the western style rooms, too much water is used. I brought my son to the bathroom in an indian restaurant, he took one look at the water which had soaked not only the floor and toilet but the walls 6 feet high, and he openly refused to use the bathroom. it did not matter how badly he needed to go, this was not an option for him. he required the clean environment he expected with the uniform dryness in western bathrooms.

situations have followed which have made me happy to have a place to go without needing to touch the surroundings. i have needed the hose that is ever present. i have come to desire the eastern style for its lack of contact, for its simplicity and directness. i am still completely uncomfortable with the idea of water only, and shy away from the hose in general, but I do understand the desire to use the local style.

i am still confused, or should i say perplexed by the entire process. how is one to balance, ensure no piece of garment comes in contact with the wet floor, that the shirt does not touch anything in back and that any wrong choice in position does not result in a missed deposit? i do wish at times that i was wearing a sarong rather than shorts or pants, it seems the more sensible choice given the position.

embracing this part of a culture is the sign of real acceptance; or of need. i have wondered how the locals would feel going to the west and not having the water enabled bathrooms. what would they do when using a guest bathroom in someone’s house in the west? how would a westerner feel if their malaysian guest were to help them by rinsing their toilet seat for the next guest? what would that next guest think when they went in to do their thing and found a soaked seat and floor?

coming to asia and feeling comfortable takes more than learning a bit of language and trying some new foods. to do it successfully it takes one to find comfort in the areas of their life that is private as well. it takes acceptance of small things which can be very alien. it takes finding a new way to balance yourself when you are trying to do the most natural things in new and different ways.