keeping the faith

i recently described myself as a free thinking catholic agnostic. this is a clear description of my lack of faith, but my inability to let go of the religious background which i was indoctrinated as a child. the religion that gave my grandmother comfort to the last moments of her death, the same religion which as driven me away by learning the sordid history of the church and the disgusting things which have been done in the name of christianity; many at the direction of the papacy.

one of the reasons i can not declare myself an atheist, as my teenage daughter does, is that it would make me feel like i am being dismissive to the beliefs of others. i have been accused of being unwilling to take a stand. i have been told that if i believe the things i believe, i have turned my back on god and i should just say so.

but i am not ready to do that. it would make me feel as though i was disapproving of the relationship other people of faith have with their religions. just because i do not have faith, does not mean i think others who do are wrong.

in the past few years i have met people with extraordinary levels of faith. i have friends who are christian, muslim or hindu who show their commitment to their faith every day. they lead lives which are amazing to me. where do they get the strength to believe as deeply as they do? where do they get the commitment to disregard the rest of their life and put elements of it on hold until tomorrow?

many years ago i was watching a movie about the priesthood. a young priest was being counseled by an older, jaded, priest. there was a line that stood out for me, “once they have seen paris, you can not keep them down on the farm”. this line jumped out at me then, and still rattles around in my head. the basic meaning is that it’s easy to accept a life, as long as you don’t know there is another life that you are capable of having.

is this why faithful people seldom seem to stray from their faith? straying allows one to see the other options; it gives them a glimpse of the other world. these glimpses normally cause one of two reactions, it drives them to retreat deeper into their faith or it places a wedge between them and their previous unshakable belief. seeing how others live, finding out there are valid lives which do not follow all the rules of someone’s own sect, and finding that elements of the alternative life are comfortable and enjoyable to the person can be very dangerous.

the social pressure of not straying is also kept up. what would people think? what would happen to those around me if they knew i did this? somehow faith was always a personal thing for me. it could be my society, or it could be my immediate family, but all choices were always personal choices, and those around me were seldom offended. this freedom has let me try new and different things, i have definitely seen paris and I love the lights.

my ex-wife and i were talking the other day. we were discussing our son and whether or not he still had faith. you see there is a faith that most christian kids share, but that we accept they lose as they age. we try to protect them from this loss. we hide the truth from them. adults lie or tell creative stories as to why children should still believe.

once we find that the child has lost the faith, we immediately teach them to not offend others by telling them the truth. we teach them that having the faith is important to “younger” kids and they should not do anything to jeopardize that for their friends. we add our children to the vast conspiracy, inviting them into a lie they will tell for the rest of their lives. many adults later realize that the faith was worth having and that it helped them to enjoy life before the lost it. in response to this, they create a new way of looking at it and reclaim a bit of the lost faith (in complete honesty, i am one of these people).

the faith we are talking about is one of pure goodness. its one that tells us to be good, to treat others well and that if we are bad it will be known and we will not get the things we want. i am sure you know of this faith, it’s the belief in santa claus. my son’s mother believes that he still has the faith; given things he said to me over the summer, i am not so sure. but honestly we both want to believe that he still has this faith, and he is smart enough to hide the fact that he has lost it for our benefit. the last thing i am going to do is ask, I don’t want to know and i don’t want him to tell me.

don’t flame me about using this story, i am not trying to point out that your faith is anything less than true. honestly, to me it’s just like santa, as long as you believe it’s true for you. who cares what others around you believe. your faith is valid if it helps you. i can’t prove that it’s not all true, so who am i to be judgmental? i hope you can do the same for me with my beliefs.

the thing about being a free thinking catholic agnostic is that i think everyone should have the chance to come down off the farm and enjoy the life in paris. paris is a happening town, there is art, culture, learning and fun diversions. i know you love the farm, you are comfortable and know this is where you were brought up, but there is more to the world. the farm is quiet, but it’s not the city of lights.

once you have come into town, give me a call, i love the company. if you let me know you’re coming i will meet you at the airport, i don’t mind the drive.