feast or fasting

i have spent the last month trying something i have never done before. i have friends and staff who are fasting for ramadan, so i thought i would do it also. i thought of it as a sense of camaraderie, but also just trying something i have never done before. this was not a religious thing; god knows i don’t do many things for the religious reasons. if i had done if for religious reasons i was very bad at following the muslim rules on fasting. i took a modified approach to the task one built on the basics of christian fasting i learned as a child but never practiced. even so, i have been better at it than i expected myself to be.

the muslims are getting up at 5 AM or not eating before dinner time. neither of these are an option of me, waking up that early, when i go to bed between 1 and 2 AM is just not going to happen. i made sure i got up as early as i could, but still ate breakfast at my standard bakery stop.

the alteration i made was to try to eat half of what i wanted to for breakfast. at first i also dropped the coffee intake, but stress and less than enough sleep stepped on that plan pretty early into ramadan. from there it was just no food or drink for the day, not until sundown or about 7:15 at night. here is where i also separated, the muslims tied this to the time prays began at night, which is a bit earlier every night this time of year. i simply set it to 7:15 and left it there. to compensate for my breakfast time, i thought about making it later but i went with the standard time.

not eating during most days was less difficult than i expected. the idea of not drinking all day was the most stressful for me before i started, but in the end that wasn’t too bad either. i had planned on drinking water, as we allowed to do in christian fasting, but found it was not needed. when i was thirsty, i just waited and the desire normally went away. this is counter to the normal approach where i feel the thirst and either get a drink or plan to get a drink, either way the commitment to the action is normally enough to make sure it happens.

i did break fast three days along the way, once for the lunch with a visiting colleague, and twice just because i was hungry and simply felt like breaking. again, its good to be doing this just for me, without god waiting in the wings to get pissed and to send a bolt of lightening down to punish me for my “teh-o ais lemau”. its also a lot easier that no one expects me to be puasar, no dirty looks when i eat or drink. mat salleh’s are not expected to follow the rules.

people had warned me about putting weight on during fasting; i honestly could not think of a more upsetting outcome. i countered this by controlling the meals, nearly eliminating sweets and eating as little carbs as possible during the night time meal. this has worked out. i have not lost a ton of weight, but i have lost. i did watch the people around me who were also fasting, i went to “buka puasar” meals and was shocked at the amount of food offered. no wonder people put weight on.

this is when i realized, this fasting month is really also a feasting month; it’s just a delayed feast. people deny themselves all day, to allow themselves to feast at night. this ends with the coming hari raya feast, which is the end of ramadan and the largest and final feasting event. every one else is building to this, i on the other hand are worried the fasting will stop for me. i am planning on going to vietnam for hari raya, this will mean i will not see the true feasting really begin. i guess i will simply have a slow long weekend of vietnamese noodles, vegetarian food and bao hai (fresh beer -- i know again not very muslim).

i have liked two things about the fasting, each have helped to improve the way i fell about life in general. the first is the self denial that the fasting brought. normally, there are few times where i actively practice self denial. i tend to eat and drink what i want, when i want. i do think at times, “oh this is a bit much”, but i rationalize it away and decide there is always tomorrow to make up for it. no rationalizing was needed this month, i had said i was doing something so i did it, and the balance was just about right.

the second thing i enjoyed was that my life took on a new structure. it was easy to schedule times to eat with the people i wanted to and to know when i needed to leave the office to ensure i was home in time to break fast. life took on some balance, because there was a new need to fill, i had to buka, i could not just go have a pop-tart and sit back down to email. i found that “having to have” a life actually helps you to have a life. this was a nice rationalization for a work centered person, more so when work has been so crazy lately.

overall the fasting has been positive, the structure and the denial have helped me. they have made me feel better and be more balanced. i hope that when the month is over, i do not just slip back into my previous life. the major realization for me is self denial is good, if it provides you with the structure to overcome your lack of control on things that you really should be in control of.

there is just no way having 60% of the population getting up at 5 AM is a good thing for a nation though.