language

as your life progresses you have the chance to learn additional language skills. this can be within your own language where you are deepening your ability to use language to draw a picture, or you can add precision to your language skills, adding phrases which can enlighten the conversation without adding to the time or effort of the communication. it can also be by adding additional languages to your toolbox, giving you the ability to communicate with more people.

language is the key to ideas; it is the key to travel and to connection. without language you are an excluded outsider, simple conversations go on around you while you are left to guess at the meaning. the ability to guess at the general content is a skill in its own. the couple fighting at dinner, clearly upset about something and attempting to discuss, if not resolve, it in a public setting is a consistent image, but the reason for the fight, the words of the heated discussion are lost on one without the language skills to eavesdrop on the open and public airing of the issues.

some of the easiest conversations to pick up the content of are the exchanges between parent and child. the discussions saying, “allez come nu direct” as the parent tugs the child down the path and “nee, nee” as the child begs longingly for a toy or sweet. these are simple and easy to parse, even for the outsider. this is due to the similarity of the situation, no matter where you go children are the same, with the same desires, the same actions and the same frustrations and joys for their parents. the conversations follow those similarities.

the statistic I heard last night was that 70% of our communication skills are non-verbal. this means that use of body language, head shakes, pursing of the lips and smiles or simple pointing will get you most of the way there. this is true for someone who has raised their hand, and written a script in the air with their finger. it does not matter if they are saying “check please”, “bagi saya bill”, “l’descision, sil vous plait” or are simply mute. the action translates, the simplicity of the communication works cross culturally. It allows one to move and travel and not need to skip out on checks.

we were sitting in a brassiere outside a paris train station, the busy waiter has stood next to our table as we attempted to make our choices, the children were tired from a long day of sightseeing, we were now eating late waiting for midnight so we could watch the lights of the eiffel tower blink in the magical display of timed lighting that dances amid the city of lights. as we wasted time, our waiter was attempting to cover his crowded restaurant, with busy patrons and fast paced exchanges of shared language. when he came to our table, we were working to translate french menus to english for a skeptical pre-teen who simply wanted a hamburger and fries with a diet coke, the need to say coke light had not yet taken hold, and it was an added moment of confusion in each order.

we did make our order, and our parisian waiter was more than polite and helpful, no matter what people tell you, if you smile and try to work with the waiters, they will understand that you do not share their language. a few minutes later, the first round of drinks had come and we had emptied the glasses. my son, understanding busy waiters the world over, caught the eye of our waiter who was moving among the table, held up his glass and gestured with his finger, a non-verbal and universal sign for another round. the waiter smiled and nodded, happy that this exchange was direct and complete, even though it was done from a distance, both physical and verbal.

the real issues start when the level of communication required for the situation is deeper. you meet someone you want or need to have a real conversation with and you are not sure if you share the language skills to get it done. you see some one near you, you want to talk to them, you smile and move closer, but when you get there you are not able to make the connection with language. this does not mean you don’t share the same language, you may each speak a common language very well, but you are not able to find the words to make the connection.

while traveling, the situations come up, you are forced to speak, automatically without thought words escape your mouth, they come out without control, it’s a conditioned response, even if you intellectually know the person will not understand the words. a moment later, your thought-based response catches up and you can connect the neurons needed to find the words in your non-default language, you either shake your head at your lack of speed, or you simply repeat yourself in the second language. the seconds it takes to find the words, even in your first language, are added to when you are working in a language you are learning.

having the same language and using it is not a guarantee of communication, it does not ensure you can connect and get your point across. the ability to try, to trust in your own skills and to smile when you fail are much more important. those seconds of delay are shortened when you drop your fear, it’s the fear that stops us from moving forward in all interactions.

language is a tool, it is a vehicle to move and change, it can also be a barrier. language is the way we express our thoughts, but its having and sharing the thoughts which are most important, without that language is wasted and impotent.