traveling alone

i am in vietnam this week. i came to hanoi, the city that was the target of american bombing when i was born. this is a country that symbolizes the struggle that americans are still feeling the results of, the social revolution that came with the US coming to asia and working through a war we eventually lost.

this is the first time in my life i have traveled alone. a few years ago, when i felt my marriage coming apart i talked about traveling in europe, doing the backpacking i was too american to do when i was young. even then i tried to take my son along, i said it was to let us bond but it was probably about not wanting to be alone in a far away land. that trip was vetoed by my wife, i honestly don't know why.

those far away lands now seem close to the US for me. going to europe today feels like a non-event, i have been there almost 10 times since the talk of that trip, i am totally comfortable landing in almost any airport, getting a car and driving without worrying about boarders or customs. it feels just like the US to me.

i am now living alone in asia, and i have come to love the time i have to myself but i have not traveled around asia. the excuse has been that i am to busy with work. i am busy, but am i "that" busy? i have a list of places, i do have plenty of holiday weekends to fill with all the malaysian holidays and airasia is always running specials. so what is keeping me from traveling?

i struggled for weeks about this trip. i put it off until the very last moment. getting a visa and tickets less than 48 hours before i flew. i landed with no plan. (and a visa that wasn't valid for another day, but thats another story) the hotel i picked on the plane was an empty hole in the ground, they are rebuilding it from the ground up. i tried to not take this as a bad omen. i just picked another hotel and moved on, lucky for me, the second choice was a wonderful location and was more than i would expect for $25 USD.

there are people who would have come with me. but, leaving it to the last moment limited their ability to come. is that what i really wanted?

in the end, the stress, okay fear, of traveling alone was completely gone by the time i was on the flight. traveling alone is simple, i am doing it at my pace. i am skipping meals, being utterly flexible with my plans, drinking when i want, randomly wandering the streets and taking photos of life on the street.

i have this theory that the way to test a relationship is to travel together. you see sides of a person when you travel you may not see in any other setting. there are stressors that test a relationship in ways you don't get at home. how will the person react trapped on a crowded bus, in the middle of no-where, and the driver tells you it looks like you have to sleep the night there? if they are calm and smile at you, you know you have a keeper.

i realized the stress of traveling alone is that you have all this time to yourself. again, there are stressors you just don't get at home. you are outside your comfort zone, you have new patterns to learn and respond to. the good thing is that i like traveling with myself more than i thought i would. in a way this is the first time in over more than a year that i have accepted that i really am now traveling alone.

the US came to vietnam and ripped itself apart. many years later one american has come here and has found a form of peace. we are all traveling alone; coming to a communist country full of street business in a city that feels like a small paris has shown me that being alone does not need to be lonely. the US may have lost its war here, but i feel like this is a major victory.

life is good

my last post was about a wonderful friend who was quickly and tragically struck ill. he was taken from us before i had finished my trip back to the US. this is a loss all who knew him felt very strongly.

i took a break from writing because i just had no idea what to say. this blog has come to be my inner thoughts about life and relationships. how could i write when such a horrible loss was felt by so many people i care about. a few observations have come to me when i consider this and think of the aftermath.

first, every single person in our life matters. no relationship should be taken for granted. i had never thought of losing this person, or how deeply so many people would collectively feel the loss. we need to feel the people around us and understand what they mean to us.

second, we can not allow the people we care about to not know that we care about them. this can be hard in a corporate environment, but we have all kinds of relationships and communication is the key to every single one. tell the people you love that you love them. how terrible would it be to not have a last chance to do that?

third, it’s the small things we do that matter. two very senior members of our company “were unable” to attend the wakes that staff on two continents held to witness the passing of this wonderful man. this was contrasted by the new president of the company who may have barely known our friend. he came and raised a glass with the rest of us. he showed a respect not only for our friend but for each of us and our loss. this sense of priority has proven to me that this is a man i will follow, this is leadership.

lastly, everyday counts. take the time to smile and laugh. understand that the world is good. if you woke up today, if you can think about the above things and if find a moment to enjoy something small that happens around you today then are far ahead of the game.

life is good, live it with a smile.

everyday

i went to bed at 3:00 am last night. i had finished packing for a quickly scheduled trip to the us for a meeting and the unexpected chance to see my family on christmas day. as i fell asleep i was thinking how small the world has become that in less than 2 days i would have gone to the office for a bit of work, flown klia - hong kong – la – boston and gotten home in time for breakfast the next day. i was leaving with both anticipation and worry for things pending in the office which my physical presence helps to move along.

as always when i wake up, i picked up my phone that is connected to both work and personal email. many times i have an email from friends or family to read before i even get out of bed. today there was an email which has altered all of my feelings about the trip, and about life in general. the email was to let me know that one of my colleagues in europe was in critical condition in hospital after having a stroke while eating dinner. he is not just a colleague, but a friend, one i have spent many nights sitting in a pub and drinking with.

my friend is a man who people like, he is capable, friendly, tough and takes responsibility for things to ensure work is completed or staff is protected. he is a happy man, who always has a smile for me, even after we have butted heads over something. we are both in positions where our careers have a good chance of colliding; where one of us could get a job the other wanted. this was never an issue, the friendship stood ahead of concerns like that.

having an email like this to wake up to is both a blessing and a curse. the ability to stay connected and be aware of situations around the globe is a wonderfully strong tool, but it also reminds one how fragile we are. any of us can suffer a blow like this at any time. flying half way around the world seems dangerous, but sitting and having a quiet dinner can also be hazardous.

if anything were to happen to me, i know the people who i care about know i love them. i hope this is the same for my friend and for those that love him as well. i tell my family i love them every single day, i live half way around the world, but i take the time, make the effort, to tell them so they never forget.

i am saying prayers for this wonderful man. i hope he makes a full recovery and is back in the office quickly because we need him. we need his ability, his grace and his strength. mostly we need his smiles and stories, because these are the things that everyone who knows him thought about first when they heard he had taken ill.

if you believe in prayer, please take a moment and say one for my friend. he is a man who deserves to be whole and happy. no matter what, take the time today to call someone you love and tell them how you feel about them. none of us know what today will bring, but we can know that those around us understand how we feel.

everyday is important, everyday is precious, everyday is a day to remember what matters.

long weekend in KL

i have been keeping track of the things I have done for the past few days and have been shocked just how interesting KL is as a cosmopolitan city. It is a mix of east and west that allows on to one to enjoy very diverse mix of activities. i will recount the list of things i have done over the past three days, i hope this will give you an idea of why i think KL is so interesting

saturday
run though hartamas area
mandarin lesson with my chinese tutor
quick breakfast at a french bakery
salsa class with an indian dance instructor
shopping in an american bookstore where i was helped by a sri lankan sales clerk
massage with an indonesian masseuse.
take away indian from a restaurant filled with chinese families and a table of loud (drunk) japanese men.

sunday
breakfast at la bodega (spanish) where i had espresso, muesli, chicken tandoori and sangria
reflexology by a guy from china
shopping in low yat, the mecca of cheap computer hardware, software and dvds
lunch at a hawker place in bukit bingtan
walking in china town
coffee in starbucks while waiting for the thunderstorm to pass
bangsar night market for the sights, sounds and smells of a pasar malam.
dinner in hartamas square for tom yum (thai), sushi (japanese) and chicken satay (malay)

monday
slow breakfast in the french bakery
completely lost of the roads north of KL
a tour of the hindu temple at batu caves (great pictures of the monkeys)
lunch in a vegetarian indian resturant
stop for gas and a conversation in broken english/malay with a malay attendant
visit to a buddist temple, with a long sit listening to the rain and chinese music
dinner a devi’s corner (indian) for roti canai and chicken tandoori
coffee and chee-car-go cheese cake at the coffee bean

this is pretty much a standard long weekend here in KL, maybe a bit busier than normal, but KL is a city where you never need to be bored. there is always something happening and somewhere to go. it is also a city where you can go from place to place, stay relaxed, always have the chance to sit and eat or drink and just enjoy seeing other people happy and smiling.

life in the US simply does not have this much diversity. meeting people from cultures all over asia, as well as europe and the US is standard here. i have said hello, thank you, excuse me, good bye or some other simple social phrase in at least 5 languages this weekend. the pace of life is both slow and easy; and exciting and interesting. KL allows you to set your own pace and lets you choose almost type of food or activity to keep yourself busy.

i love this city. it is strange at times, but it’s a place that is easy to get used to living.