traveling alone

i am in vietnam this week. i came to hanoi, the city that was the target of american bombing when i was born. this is a country that symbolizes the struggle that americans are still feeling the results of, the social revolution that came with the US coming to asia and working through a war we eventually lost.

this is the first time in my life i have traveled alone. a few years ago, when i felt my marriage coming apart i talked about traveling in europe, doing the backpacking i was too american to do when i was young. even then i tried to take my son along, i said it was to let us bond but it was probably about not wanting to be alone in a far away land. that trip was vetoed by my wife, i honestly don't know why.

those far away lands now seem close to the US for me. going to europe today feels like a non-event, i have been there almost 10 times since the talk of that trip, i am totally comfortable landing in almost any airport, getting a car and driving without worrying about boarders or customs. it feels just like the US to me.

i am now living alone in asia, and i have come to love the time i have to myself but i have not traveled around asia. the excuse has been that i am to busy with work. i am busy, but am i "that" busy? i have a list of places, i do have plenty of holiday weekends to fill with all the malaysian holidays and airasia is always running specials. so what is keeping me from traveling?

i struggled for weeks about this trip. i put it off until the very last moment. getting a visa and tickets less than 48 hours before i flew. i landed with no plan. (and a visa that wasn't valid for another day, but thats another story) the hotel i picked on the plane was an empty hole in the ground, they are rebuilding it from the ground up. i tried to not take this as a bad omen. i just picked another hotel and moved on, lucky for me, the second choice was a wonderful location and was more than i would expect for $25 USD.

there are people who would have come with me. but, leaving it to the last moment limited their ability to come. is that what i really wanted?

in the end, the stress, okay fear, of traveling alone was completely gone by the time i was on the flight. traveling alone is simple, i am doing it at my pace. i am skipping meals, being utterly flexible with my plans, drinking when i want, randomly wandering the streets and taking photos of life on the street.

i have this theory that the way to test a relationship is to travel together. you see sides of a person when you travel you may not see in any other setting. there are stressors that test a relationship in ways you don't get at home. how will the person react trapped on a crowded bus, in the middle of no-where, and the driver tells you it looks like you have to sleep the night there? if they are calm and smile at you, you know you have a keeper.

i realized the stress of traveling alone is that you have all this time to yourself. again, there are stressors you just don't get at home. you are outside your comfort zone, you have new patterns to learn and respond to. the good thing is that i like traveling with myself more than i thought i would. in a way this is the first time in over more than a year that i have accepted that i really am now traveling alone.

the US came to vietnam and ripped itself apart. many years later one american has come here and has found a form of peace. we are all traveling alone; coming to a communist country full of street business in a city that feels like a small paris has shown me that being alone does not need to be lonely. the US may have lost its war here, but i feel like this is a major victory.