be better

i have been a grumpy bastard for much of 2013.  not every day, not all the time, but enough that i am sick of myself on a semi-regular basis.  i realized this morning how close i am to the end of the year, and that this is a good chance to do something about the self-loathing.  i need to make myself some promises for the coming year.  next week a new year begins and i need a framework to work towards my goal.

some points to note.  i almost never make new years resolutions.  they seem forced and fake, picking something to do to change yourself ... yeah right.   if you wanted to be that way, wouldn't you be already?

people choose things that they have always wanted to do and have never done.  "write a novel" ... when you have no history of writing is a pretty big jump.  they have no idea of the time and effort the resolution would take because they have never done anything like that... any resolution you make while blind to the effort it takes is destined to fail.  rule #1, nothing you haven't done before.

people also choose things they don't really enjoy.  a smoker who has smoked for 20 years should not be thinking about giving up smoking; unless there is something else they want even more ... like living after their second heart attack and signs of lung cancer ... then again, if they really love to smoke, leave them alone, they love it, and have been looking at the pictures on the pack for long enough to have thought about what their lungs look like ...  rule #2, pick things you actually enjoy (or have strongly enjoyed in the past).

what about having failed at it in the past ... i have an issue here, i have decided to lose weight before, last year in fact, not at new years -- it wasn't a resolution, it was a plan... and i failed, miserably ... self-delusion is the driver for too many when they make their resolutions, they just don't appreciate the limits of their ability to change.  rule # 3, try to not make the same resolutions you have made and failed at the past.  if you do repeat, find a way to change them to make them achievable.

the other thing people do is take on too much at one time.  the ability to get through something difficult is both the strength of conviction, and the level of strain someone is under.  get someone stressed, or tired, and will goes out the window.  comfort behavior kicks in, and the bad comes on like a warm blanket ... so, don't take on too much.  allow yourself rest and reward between stressful events ... rule #4, don't over due your commitment.

sounds good right?  i have clearly given this thought and do know how to set reasonable goals... i need to find things i really enjoy, i have been successful with before, focus on the ones that will really make me happy and make them achievable both in number and scale...

and in that vein i have decided to go with 10 changes, the first two are elements of the same goal of getting my fat-irish-ass back to a shape other than round.  the others support other themes.

1. exercise almost every day (run a 10K by the end of 2014)
2. eat to live, instead of live to eat  (lose 50 lbs in 35 weeks)
3. use kanban to plan work and home
4. use moleskine to-do to track days
5. actively code
6. call all three kids 3 times a month
7. call mom once a month
8. motorcycle at least once a week
9. travel to focus on sanity
10. be sociable, delay the misanthrope tendencies

you don't like that, you think that is too many things to focus on?  maybe i need to be more selective and find achievable goals.  these are too tactical for you, huh?  hmmmm, lets summarize these up into their themes.

• get fit
• be a better manager
• be a better father/son
• relax and enjoy life

yeah, i didn't go with a list like this in the first place because of the lack of SMART goals.  this is the middle of review season, and goals are due in a week or two, how can i go with a summarized list that doesn't give me a structure to measure against ... the original list of 10 each had fine grained steps below them, steps that were suppressed for brevity ... that was a good thing right ...

you want more brevity?  now that we are summarized to themes you don't really care about any details ... these themes are all about one thing; driving the grumpy bastard down the road. 

if you don't care about the details at all, you just want a single simple goal.  how can i boil this down to something concise... 

okay, here this is it:

• be better 

that is a goal we could all embrace for 2014.  you do your part, i'll do mine and we can get together at the end of the year and see how we have done.