open door

there are times when you have no other option than to sit with someone you have few other chances to sit with and make small talk. these times are the moments of adulthood that you realize you are an adult. they are the moments that as children you sat on the side and watched adults accomplish seemingly without effort. small talk is about little subjects, but sometimes real interactions happen during these conversations. if you are careful, you might hear something that matters.

i was sitting in an airport with two staff members. we had finished the agenda of the trip and just needed to get on a plane and get home. most of the senior managers in KL would not sit with staff members in this setting. not only would it most likely have been acceptable for me to sit away from the staff and do my own thing, it's highly possible they would have wanted me sit on the other side of the room. being american, deeply believing in egalitarism, pushed me to sit with them and engage in small-talk. i might have wanted to continue reading the book on "relentless capitalism", but instead i talked about micro-sociology.

we came to a point on the open-door policy i have in the office. as each new employee joins our company, they are brought to my office on their first day so i accomplish three tasks, i:

1. welcome them to the company
2. give them a team shirt (we do a new design/color each year)
3. explain my open door policy, and ask them to come back to see me if they need something

one of the staff on the trip with me is a senior contributor who is just moving into a manager role. i have known him for years now, and have watched him grow from a very junior staff member to a emerging leader. he is a standard quiet and respectful asian kid. it was a bit scary when he said, "can i be honest and tell you something?". honesty, rather than distanced politeness, is less than common here than in the US, so my interest was piqued.

he said, "sometimes people might be afraid to come to your office. they are not sure if you are busy, or in a bad mood, so they do not go." there was a pained look on his face while he said it. i could sense he was outside his comfort-zone by telling me this. the asian training to never upset an elder or someone in a position of authority was challenging his new found american group ethic. i sensed this conversation was only happening because of the week he had just spent immersed with a large team of vocal and decidedly less than shy amercians.

i took a beat trying to decide how to respond to this. i have heard it before, a sizable group of the staff do not feel comfortable coming into my office for any reason. they feel as though those who do come in are being treated as favorites and are given special consideration because they get to talk to me one on one. i have been told this on the side, by those who do come to talk to me. usually they say it with a pained look of someone who has experienced peer pressure or abuse.

i asked the young manager i was sitting next to, trying to count the number of times he had come into my office in the 3 years of service and ending with a very low number, why is it my fault that people don't feel comfortable coming in to see me? i meet every single new hire, and tell them the same thing. "come talk to me anytime, i am here to help if you have an issue, or to talk if you want to." some do, most don't. i have asked people to wait while i am finishing something, but i meet with everyone who comes in. if they are not sure if i am busy or in the wrong state of mind, they can ask my assistant, she seems to read me pretty well.

for the ones that do come in and talk, i end up knowing them and having a better idea of what is happening in their lives, both work and away. i recently thanked two staff members who came in together. i remember saying, "thanks for talking to me about this, i am having a tough day and helping you with this will end up being the best part of my day". i am busy most days, i have a tendency to show frustrations; but being here to help is what i consider about half of my job.

everyone is told the same thing, but some hear it and and others don't. i started to think about those who do come in. there is a trend, non-malaysians come more frequently than those born here. those who have gone to school off-shore come more frequently than those who have not. working on a team that i directly manage helps, so does being younger, and being from one of the local ethnic groups seems to lower your likelihood of coming in, while being on another seems to raise it. all of these have been true for years, and all of them are equally true for our attrition rates. or maybe its that people who do come in tend to leave less than those who do not.

so here it is. i have an open door policy, but i can not force them to walk through it. either you trust what i am telling you and come in, or you don't. that is not on me, that is on you. i know you are not used to authority figures doing what they promise you, but hey this could be your chance to see that it can happen. i have an idea:

come in and see if it's true. if it is, go back out that open door and tell others. forget about trust, try some actual proof.