two spoons

there was a time a few years ago when i was struggling to understand who i was and where i fit in.  my life was both overly complex and minimalist-simple.  i kept it that way on purpose because i did not like the directions life had taken me in, i did not like the responding directions i went in afterwards and i was not ready to make the corrections needed to course correct.  allowing, or more honestly engineering, the chaos allowed me say, "things are just complex" while living with only two spoons in the kitchen.

i had a fully stocked kitchen in the US.  i had no intention of going out and stocking a new one here.  when i came to asia, i stopped cooking because i didn't have an oven.  i ate take out, because it was fast and easy.  the lifestyle came with no need to clean up, no need to plan and no need to have my own plates, bowls or utensils.  my landlord had provided some kitchen items when i moved it, but they were not mine and i didn't care.  i had the bare minimum required, it wasn't mine and it could go away at any time.  it kept things simple in some sense, but it was never simple and i was never happy.

the past few years that has changed.  the condo is still temporary, but i decided i needed it to be more than an unloved space.  i needed to build some comfort into my surroundings.  i finally found myself in a place where i could stop worrying about the kitchen in the US and find the things i needed here to be happy.

this has lead to some real improvements.  not all of these are my doing.  there have been changes in malaysia that has helped.  BSC improved it's expat food market, and now has a much broader selections of goods.  ben's grocery opened in publika, the big groups attempt copy a western supermarket (grocery store, bakery, deli and eat in/out food outlets).  i can now get beer, bagels and other comfort foods that allow a more western-comfortable living experience.  the complexity has dropped and simple stay at home life has taken over.

in the past few months this has settled into an even deeper cycle.  i am going home for tea after work.  a small event between work and dinner, that focuses on rebuilding energy and settling into the night to come.  starbucks now sells via coffee here, and that means very good coffee at home, add a little brown sugar and its the best coffee in town.  there is no reason to go out, everything i need, i have.  i remember the days of teh tarik, but have no interest in having it now.  what i have at home is much better.

i have also started cooking again.  pork/beef meatballs, home made sauce, chorizo ready to be added to an omelet, or fried as a base for stuffed mushrooms, or a quick yummy sandwich are all in the freezer ready to be pulled out when the call of dinner comes.  there is still the chance to call for take out if needed, but its not a requirement every night.  cooking is a way to be creative and loving, and with a ready audience for the results its all the more interesting.

the house is more comfortable.  the books are on shelves. the walls have photos and paintings.   the closets are full, and the kitchen is stocked.  i now have a home, not just a house.  the front door is open, with a sarong covering the grill.  this lets the air blow through the apartment, and provides the modesty demanding shades from accidental eyes.  it's not perfect, the couch needs to be replaced and the question of when comes up when talking about it. but it is more comfortable and move lived in.

the time of two spoons was good.  but having a fully stocked kitchen is much better.  coming home to a bagel with yummy cheese is much better than coming home to emptiness.  sharing the things i love, cooking with simplicity and for comfort are all more than worth the effort put into it.

all it took was getting rid of the complexity and deciding to embrace the comfort.