formerly athletic

i am on the beach, have been here for a week, and i have not gone for a swim.  today is the day, i am going to go down to the beach and swim out to the far buoy.   i can paddle around out there and then come back in.  as i come out of the water i will feel clean, and stressed.  not stretched to the limit, but warmed up and strong.  it will be a half a mile or so in the water, but i will feel better after doing it than i do before.  i know this because at one point i was actually athletic.

i still feel athletic.  i have a running machine in my office, a semi-stationary bike and an ergometer (rowing machine) at home in a converted bedroom.  it takes no more than a quick look to see that it wouldn't hurt if i used them more.  but when i do use them i feel good.  that athlete inside is happy to get out.  he is happy to be used, happy to be free and able to move.  he repays me by doping me up with endorphines when i really let him loose.  he makes me pay the price when i don't let him free, through creaky ankles and sore shoulders.

nine years ago, my brother had a heart valve replaced.  thickening walls of the heart had worn away a valve and a hole formed.  my younger brother was now a heart patient.  but i was doing triathlon with my teenage son.  i had just dropped serious levels of weight and was stronger than i had been since my early 20s.  i had not been this fit since before i was a software engineer.  becoming a developer, and having starbucks move to boston, were closely timed events marking the beginning of my athletic decline.

when i first got to malaysia i would wake up early every day on weekends.  i would strap on water bottles, and put on a hat to shade the early morning sun.  i would go for a loop in the expat neighborhood, and feel great as i climbed the hill back to the condo.  i needed to push the run, i was racing the heat as the sun climbed higher into the sky.  if i took too long, that last climb would literally be a hard steep incline inside a sweltering sauna.

but one saturday i didn't go for a run.  i asked myself why i was running.  there was no race coming up, and no one would notice if i didn't go.   i could snuggle in and go to the bakery later for a croissant.  thats what i did that weekend, and the next, and the next.  i had started on the downward slope, i let gravity take control and just let myself lean into the decline.  the pace picked up here and there, i reacted enough to steady the decline and level it out, but years had passed where stress, travel and dessert had taken their toll.

last week, my sister had a cough and went to see the doctor.  she was sent to the hospital, admitted and is now a heart patient.  there are follow up appointments planned, but the signals are pretty clear.  i need to get my ass out of bed in the morning and go for a run.  i need to ride my bike, row my ergo and swim to burn the weight off.  i would not call this a race for my life, but the melodrama could be a positive if it added to the commitment.

i knew this was coming, and started moving this last summer.  the athlete inside was demanding his time.  the little voice got to me before the email from home.  but the little voice was not strong enough to keep the trend going when travel and allergies kicked in.  now i have something else to use as motivation.  with two of the four siblings now heart patients, and stress-induced hypertension looming in the background, i do not want to be the next one to tip over into active cardiac care.  there is an element of sick competition in that statement, but it is always competition that drives me.

so maybe my sister at home is willing to race me.  her doctor is going to prescribe meds and suggest she get in shape.  she was also formerly athletic, not a member of as many sports or as driven maybe, but this is her chance to turn that around.  i could use the motivation, i need someone to race.  maybe she wants the challenge too.  i will let her pick the race, either we focus on the losing side, or we do a race of some sort.  i remember her as a sprinter.  400 meter run?  i might push for 800 meter. we can go to cardines field and go around the track.

if she doesn't take me up on this, well i am going to need to find another challenge for my inner athlete.  maybe the challenge will be to come out and become my outer athlete again.  the tides need to turn.  maybe i can coax him out and get him to stay around.  it's time to feel that hill again.  the stress of climbing it, the sweat cooling the body from the heat and carrying the former desserts out of their storage locations.

it is time to get my ass moving again.  let the active slacker take note, his days are numbered.  the athlete is coming out and he wants to get moving.