luggage lost

some days you just know that you have been carrying too much stuff for too long.  i was traveling to europe a few weeks ago.  it was a trip that i honestly didn't want to do, i had been asked to attend meetings, but i had just come back from the US and travel was not what i wanted.  the luggage from the past trip was still sitting on my bedroom floor, half unpacked.  if the maid had not been coming two days before i left, we might not even have made the half way point.  i have found over the years that leaving bags packed, carrying the stuff that has built up over time makes life easy.

as i was packing for the trip i had to make decisions about what to bring.  i have a suitcase i bought in europe last year, one that i love because it is easy to spot and that it matches it's larger pair.  being easy to pick out in a crowd and matching are both things that i value.  but this is also the bag that has become a drag.  the wheels have gotten progressively flattened as i have literally dragged it around the world.  i didn't need the space the second bag gave me, but i wanted to return it and get a replacement that would roll along smoothly as i transit.  in the end i left the house with two rolling luggage, a shoulder bag, my massive messenger bag and a guitar.

why i would carry so much on a one week trip to europe... well, lets just say i was hopeful for time to practice and that i am all to comfortable with carrying more than i need to.  although, as i was packing, i was also unpacking.  i took the time to really consider what i had to carry.  i began to empty some of the items that has accumulated in the bags.  i took out the mini-laptop i am typing on now.  i would normally have taken it with me as a back up; and to allow me to have my personal and work lives both on the trip.  out came books, a hard drive and cables.  i shifted a few things from one bag to another.  some how i felt the need to provide a more balanced load on this trip.  it strangely seemed to matter how i was carrying the items with me; not a normal consideration.

as i landed in europe and collected my bags, i was glad to have the wheels of the checked bags to take the load of the messenger bag off my shoulder.  buying train tickets, having breakfast and waiting for my high speed train where all conducted with an eye on the bags.  european travelers know the risks of not staying connected to your baggage, but staying connected means that you need to drag them with you every step you take.  it was early and not as crowded as it would be hours later.  staying aware was still a requirement, even as the morning caffeine buzz settled over me like a warm blanket.

i went for my train, timed the connection perfectly and only needed to wait for 2 minutes on the chilly tracks below the airport.  the high-speed train came and i walked to the first class car in front.  as i boarded a conductor asked me for my tickets, and looked at me strangely as i produced it.  the ticket agent had given me a ticket for the wrong train.  i had asked for the high-speed train that goes all the way to paris, i had a seat booked on a train that only goes to brussels.  the upside was that the train i was booked on stopped in my location, while the one i had asked for did not.  the conductor was apologetic, which i didn't understand.  this was my fault, and if i were a bit more european i would have realized the mistake.  in the US there is one train system, in europe there are multiple.  it was my own fault that i had waited longer than i should have to start my next leg of travel.  now i had to wait again.  but when it's your own mistake, accepting an apology felt like shifting blame to the innocent.

i sat on a bench in the middle of the platform and began to wait.  passively waiting is not really a comfortable choice for me, so i pulled out the book of tabs i had brought to learn the cake song i have listened to over and over recently.  the book had made its way from the US to malaysia and now onto a train platform below a dutch airport.  next came the guitar and finally the ipod, by the end the 40 mins of waiting had flown and the train was sitting in front of me.  i quickly threw myself and my belongings together and was on the empty train.  again, time past quickly with only a few people coming and going.  i had thoughts of my last train trip when i wrote and danced, this was more time within myself, bags safely tucked next to and above my head.

when i realized i had made it to my stop i had pre-packed the things i had taken out for the trip and was ready to leave.  this is when i realized that one of my bags was missing.  my messenger bag, the one with my work laptop was gone.  someone had crept up behind me while i wasn't looking and had taken my bag.  i called to a conductor, but knew even before asking that there was no hope of ever finding the bag, its contents or those who had taken it.  the next few hours were a mix of regret, guilt and boredom, both for me and for the police who were helping me report of the loss.  it was clear that this was a common situation.  they had no hope of providing any more help than producing a police report which i could not read.  the large black bag i carry everywhere, the bag with my entire life within it was gone.

as part of the process, i did a survey of what i did have.  two of my three hand phones, most importantly my blackberry which in a pinch would be used as a nearly complete ultra-portable.  i had my credit cards, my IC cards, my passport, my ipods, my sunglasses and the cables most needed keep myself me powered on the remainder of the trip.  i had lost something important, but changes i had made at the last moment had also saved me from being completely lost.

this just in time correction is the lesson of this trip.  when things are lost, they may not be recoverable, but you can still continue on.  i have worried over the past few years how bad the loss of this bag could be for me.  i travel a lot, i carry a bag with me at all times and have way too much stuff with me at times.  i am a pragmatist; no matter how hard you try, bad things happen, mistakes are made and you will eventually feel loss.  there are bad people in the world, people who don't care if they impact your travels.  loss happens, deal with it.

which is what i feel like i have finally done.  i feel for the first time, rather than worrying about the loss, i have experienced and can accept it.  it happened, and it's time to regroup and move on.  my bag is gone, someone else has either thrown it away, or is walking around with it wrapped around their shoulder.  to be honest, i hope its the latter, i hope someone is using the bag and enjoying the comfort it gave me.  what a waste to think of it just sitting at the bottom of a landfill.  either way, it's something i have decided to not spend time thinking about, i have accepted and it makes me feel better.

i took the time yesterday to go the local crumpler store.  they didn't have the replacement bag, they said they will be getting an order soon, but somehow that makes me feel like i am sitting on a bench on a train platform.  passively waiting is just not for me.  i am going to find the bag, work out how to get it shipped here and start the process of filling it all over again.  

the upside is that i am also getting used to moving around with less weight hanging on my shoulder.  the pain i am used to is gone, i feel lighter and happier as days pass.  lost luggage is loss, but some how it is also the chance to try to live without the things you have become use to carrying.  it feels strange to not have the weight and to not be able to reach down and touch it.  carrying and feeling it had given a sense of comfort.

i have been resisting this change and now that its happened i am going to embrace it.  i am going to find a new bag, one i can being to load with new gear, but this time the load is going to be less heavy.  it's time to focus on the essentials.  it's time to learn the lesson of this trip. 

loss happens, and then you need to accept the baggage is gone too.