in "californication", hank moody, a new yorker living in venice beach, is a writer suffering from success. he has terminal writers block caused by the movie "crazy little thing called love" a script based on his book, the less feel good "god hates us all". he uses his gifts of wit and connection to move through life with a focus on staying within the moment. never taking the long view, he allows himself to indulge in nearly any random offer that presents itself. hank has two women in his life who matter deeply to him, his teenage daughter becca and his estranged not-a-wife karen. they are the only people he loves fully, but who are not quite enough of a conscience for him to suppress his libertarian naughtiness.
in "shameless", frank galagher lives in deeply blue collar south-side chicago, with his 6 children. rather, he lives among them, because he is rarely there to help them in any way. he is a raging drunk, not in the hip but sad moody manner of doing something inappropriate at a party, but in the painfully pathetic come home after days of absence smelling of vomit and bleeding from a broken nose with no memory of how he got that way. frank is not getting through life on his charm, more like a complete disregard for obligation matched to a practiced belief that the safety net of the liberal agenda is a dodge built specifically for him to never actually work.
when you first meet these guys you are shocked that anyone can live their lives like this. both are embarrassments to themselves, and more importantly to their loved ones. they careen through life, one alcohol infused crisis to the next, disappointing everyone with their unacceptable behavior. they are difficult to watch, but they are impossible to stop watching, because as the proverbial car-wreck happening right in front of you, you just can't stop the morbid fascination demanding to know what will happen next.
but these are the first impressions. as you continue to watch, you begin to see a depth to these men you missed while overcoming your immediate revulsion. you notice that as events unfold those closest to them continue to allow them to be close. there is a distance that people take out of self preservation, but they do not force them out of their lives. they might take space when the craziness gets too intense, but they never close the door fully. this may be seen as codependence by some, but watch closely and you may see it as true love and a respect for family bonds.
you also notice that both moody and frank are central in the lives of their children. as you watch them, you realize they love their children. they are too self-absorbed to be there as full-time care givers, or even to be sober at the appropriate times, but you can see that they realize they need to be better than they are. the angst they express in being less than the perfect father is painful to watch, but is also hopeful because it appears to be the single motivation capable of pulling them back from the brink of self-destruction.
the thing that makes these losers good men, is being self-aware that they are full of shit. neither of them makes excuses for their behavior, they know they habitually make bad choices, and seem to accept that given the same circumstances they would probably make them again. but rather than trying to cover that up, they admit to themselves and others that what they do is unacceptable. it's the elimination of hypocrisy, by admitting the truth to themselves and not hiding it that makes them role models in an anti-hero sort of way. they also say they are sorry to those they hurt, and when the ones you hurt most are your own saying sorry can be very hard.
the result of this is also that they do not make choices for others around them. the children of these men are smart, capable and ready to take on the world. moody and frank are also smart, but they allow their stupidity to get in the way. their children on the other hand are smart, smart enough to try to stay out of trouble. they have good reason for this, they have a "there but for the grace of god" image of what can happen to them if they are not careful. since they are in some ways parenting their parent, they do not have the luxury to allow themselves to go off the rails.
and this brings us back to the question of a parenting award. both of these guys are anything but the classic "father knows best" image of american life. no group of opinion givers would vote for them, because they are not acceptable role models. but that is based on first impressions. when you live with them you realized that having someone listen to you is better than being talked at, you know that having someone admit their faults better than hiding them, you recognize that you are capable of doing more because you needed to be able to. the moms in the PTA, or the case worker from DFCS, might not see it but parents who believe in their children, even if its because they see they are in no position to be judgmental, are hard to come by.
this is why the kids in these shows are so able. they do have good role models, just not ones that are socially acceptable. the best part of moody and frank's parenting is that they love their children and show them the best qualities an unreliable adult can; truth, honesty and compassion for others.
these men are not the narcissists others believe them to be, they are both fighting demons that only they know. but, when possible they keep the fight away from the children, even if that means they are absent. when they are with the kids you see great moments of parenting. parenting with self-realization, like:
Becca: Do you remember what you used to do for me when I couldn’t sleep?Hank : Dose you with opiates?
Becca: No. Look at the ocean and count mermaids.
Hank : I did do that. I’m a better father than I thought.
these men might be embarrassments, but they are also better fathers than they thought.
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