bourne holiday

i woke up this morning to bright sun and the sound of surf coming ashore. the rhythm of the waves added to the depth of relaxation that i have been missing so intensely. as i laid in bed i remembered that i was on vacation and that i had nothing to do, no where to go. the most stressful thing i planned to do after getting out of bed was to take a walk on the black sand beach before breakfast. vacations meant to allow you to get away and relax, and choosing a place without phones, internet or TV in the room is a good way to guarantee you actually do it.

but picking a resort like this comes with its challenges. when the resort is well off the beaten path, you take on finding your way there yourself. not that i have any issues finding my own way, i could have asked the resort to do a pickup at the airport, but what is the fun in that. better to get a car and drive out to the resort. it was in the general area of a landmark i had accidentally found on a previous trip, so how hard could it be to drive out and find the place?

leaving the arrival terminal, it was time to find a car. we were immediately swarmed by the touts offering taxi, car or driver options. there is still something unsettling about having a guy walk up to and offer to rent a car a few dollars cheaper than the rental companies. i kept saying "tak mau" until i identified the rental window with the least aggressive staff. the 40ish woman behind the counter seemed to care less if anyone talked to her; this may seem a strange selection criteria but relaxed apathy was the emotion of the day and i wanted to make sure i fostered that.

the default vehicle for rental was a asian mini-van, but they also had a jeep looking thing, which seemed like much more fun than a mini-mini-van. i had visions of driving the little jeep through rice fields on an adventure. the rental process was easy, they pre-programmed the GPS and set us off on our way. the moment to reconsider the plan was when i got into the jeep and found the seat was too far forward for me to sit without my knee jammed against the dashboard. the back was full of bags, and trying to fix the seat would have meant pulling the entire car apart. the rental guy was waving good bye, it was a moment of truth and the desire for adventure took over. how hard could it be to drive an old jeep with a standard transmission, one built 20 or so years ago, while jammed into a space equivalent to an overbooked redeye flight on an economy airline?

i had to admit how hard it was about 40 minutes into the drive. i had stalled the engine again, we were in massive traffic, indonesian-swarms of motorcycles were weaving their way around us, the cars in back where horning to express their displeasure with the clogged intersection. to add to the fun, i had just realized the GPS was programmed to the wrong location and had been taking us to the east side of the island, while our target was the west. all of this happened a few minutes after the random musing that travel was so much easier than it used to seem, off in a foreign land, driving rather than being driven. independence being the key to experiencing the real island, not the standard tourist version of the upscale beach resorts.

the next two and a half hours broke down into three basic phases, realizing we were screwed, planning on the fly to get us most of the way to the goal and bumping over potholes with random instructions telling us we were almost there. the GPS could not find the resort, its road or area, the jeep continued to stall as my knee ached from being pressed against the dashboard and people on the side of the road kept pointing down the potholed single lane paths and saying "just ahead". it felt just like being in the office, an entire project cycle compressed into a single ride through the backroads of bali.

the moment of truth, that moment when you are sure you are doomed but that you are too deeply involved to turn back, came when the road passed through jungle and careened down to a river crossing only to go steeply back upwards on the other side. the last hill we had climbed had been marginally steep, and the keys had fallen out of the ignition and landed on the floor, stalling the engine. this hill was dark with jungle cover, steeper and longer than any hill we had come to so far. i had one hand on the keys, another on the shifter, my knee was screaming in pain and the road just kept going upwards. as we climbed, the RPM feel and i realized i was going to need to downshift to make it to the top of the hill. stuck on a jungle path just wider than the jeep, crazy steep with no way to back down if the engine stalled with the downshift. why did i want to drive again? what is it that allows me to find stress like this, even on a drive to a beach side resort?

with self-imposed fear pressing inwards, i downshifted and rode the clutch to the top of the hill. as the road flattened out, the jungle opened and the road passed through a kampung with smiling people who pointed the way to the resort on the beach. it was hidden safely between rice fields and the surf. as i parked the jeep, the realization that we made it melted into me, the pressure released and i allowed myself to breath. there was no need to drive; there was no stress, no phone, no email for the next few days. there was just beach and books and relaxation. there was a morning of waking up to the sound of surf and taking a walk before a long slow breakfast with sweet coffee.

i am listening to the waves, and i am glad the adventure is behind me... for now. the jeep is sitting there, a reminder that future drives await.