one word

i started today in a semi-strange mood. it seemed like things were just not clicking, the timing was slightly off, and i wasn't really sure why. the skys were dark and grey for the third straight day. for the second day in a row it was raining, which for KL is a very strange. the upside was that the weather allowed me to take a jacket as i left the house, something the normal tropical heat of KL elmininates as a choice.

my day typically starts with a stop for coffee. the past few months i have settled into a routine of going to the starbucks close to my apartment. i take the time to drink espresso at the bar before i head off to the rest of my day. as i walked in the door today i saw that my favorite barista was there, a malay girl in tudong who appears to harbor libertarian feminist views. knowing the conversation would be interesting, i smiled as i walked in.

she asked me how i was as i moved over to the bar, and i said, "i am happy i get to wear my raincoat", showing the jacket off as i settled in. this was when she asked the first question, "can you describe happiness"? such a simple question, one which i have been thinking about alot lately, but how can you describe a state of mind? happiness is different for everyone, it even changes as you go though life, so how do you explain happiness to others?

i had spent most of saturday watching movies. i thought "eat, pray, love" would be an uplifting film for a rainy weekend. julia roberts is usually fun, and i expected something like "under a tuscan sun", with the plumbers and the bright colors of italy. in the end, the movie felt too surface for me, as though the distance liz kept from those around her limited the viewer from connecting to the film itself.

the one moment of happiness i did see in the film was when liz ate simple a bowl of pasta in italy. it was a moment that represented her renewed hunger for life. the passion for enjoyment, and the fact that she had found it in a simple pleasure that she was enjoying alone was not lost on me. these thoughts had flashed into my mind when i heard the question, but before i could answer a second question came, "what is happiness, in one word"?

this one had me stumped, i had this great image of living in italy, learning the language, exeriencing the culture, hearing the sites and sounds of the people and having a glass of barbera d'alba and a delicious bowl of pasta dressed in tomato basil on the table in front of me. but how would i decribe that in one word?

it did get me thinking again about the elements of happiness. to be happy i would suggest someone do the following:

• spend time with the people you love
• find space to be yourself
• be successful in the things that matter to you
• live in a safe place
• eat good food
• feel your body move with vigourus exercise
• know you matter to others in the world
• accept yourself and others as they are
• forgive so you can move forward
• be as good as you can be
• safely indulge your vices
• travel the world as widely as you can
• learn something new everyday
• feel nature around you
• relax enough to focus on nothing

now that i have a list what can i do to boil this down? this is a pretty complex set of values that i am suggesting someone have to allow happiness. i also know this list does not fit everyone. this is a list that suits me, and it specifically excludes the need to be sure about anything or to have the answers to big questions. both are things i don't see as possible, and having them would not give me anything close to pleasure.

the word i got to standing in starbucks was "relaxed". in some ways i meant this as a lack of fear, guilt or anger, and in others i meant the actual ability to simply slow down and do nothing more than feel the wind and sun on your skin. a moment of quietness for the mind, soul and body, a moment that stretches into the next, without stress or pressure. a moment you can share with others or enjoy yourself. that is happiness for me.

in "eat pray love" liz learns the italian term, "dolce far niente" -- the sweetness of doing nothing. and that might sound like what i mean by the above, in fact at times that might be exactly what i mean. but happiness is not about doing nothing, it's about doing everything, at your own pace and in a way that taps into your passions and brings you joy.

i think i chose the word relaxed because of the times i was not living. i was too worried about the past and the future. that led to not lving in the moment, which was a life that was not lived. i am happy because i accept the world and who i am, i hope others accept me in return. for anyone who doesn't, well my father had a saying for that too:

"fuck em if they can't take a joke" -- that sounds harsh, but then again my father did know how to be happy.