parent trap

my head seems to be hitting on a recurring theme.  it's so strange when that happens, you are having conversations across multiple days and people bring up a thread that overlaps with another from the day or week before.  over time the clothe forms and the pattern appears.  single threads interlock and you realize the shape and feel of the thought.  the conversations had no connection, the other persons themes have nothing to do with each other, but within my head i keep returning to the same pattern.

i collapsed into a chair yesterday, tired, happy and ready for a sip of grape to balance the steam i had just finished.  i had the smell of jasmine on my skin and image of a beautiful flower in my head.  i looked over and saw the smile of an old soul.  dark intelligent eyes were looking at me, they were connected to young body and a happy smile.  we struck up a conversation, my new friend was a bundle of contrasts, he is forward and shy, reminds me of my son and has an old name that means "gentle soul" or "smooth brow"; both of which appeared true.

as the conversation flowed, i was reminded of my childhood and the stress of parenting and parenting of parents.  i was reminded of my favorite mother's day movie the parent trap.  not the remake with lindsay lohan, the original with brian keith, maureen o'hara and hayley mills.  the first thought was of the grandfather played perfectly by charles ruggles, he leads the supporting cast by quietly commenting without commenting.  this is a skill my own distant grandfather chuck had mastered, but one i will need to keep trying to find.

i was reminded of one of my favorite scenes of the movie between the grandfather and the grand daughter who he has realized is not the person the rest of the house believes she is:

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Charles McKendrick: [Susan starts sniffing the coat he is wearing] My dear, what are you doing? 
Susan Evers: Making a memory. 
Charles McKendrick: Making a memory? 
Susan Evers: All my life, when I'm quite grown-up I will always remember my grandfather and how he smelled of 
[smells his jacket again] tobacco and peppermint. 
Charles McKendrick: Smelled of tobacco and peppermint. [starts chuckling] Well, I'll tell you what. I take the peppermint for my indigestion and as for the tobacco [looks around to share the secret] to make your grandmother mad. 

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later, i was eating dinner with a friend who was talking about dating and trying to be the person that the right man would want to be with.  she has friends who believe that men want the flashy, sophisticated and pampered women they spend so much effort becoming.  my friend worries that the men she knows are focused on room service rather than backpacks and zip lines.  i asked when she watched the parent trap, did she like the mother who comfortably slipped into jeans or vicki the woman so clearly uncomfortable outside of designer fashion.  i know that during the camping trip i love as she is driven off by sisters, who bond over shared torment.

someone who wants the vickis of the world will get what they deserve.  the future will be one of high maintenance, shallow personality and the inability to cross a river to climb into a tree house and sweat in the afternoon heat while watching gibbons play in the jungle below.  it comes down to choosing what you want in a life.  do you want to go to a constructed resort or to have a genuine adventure?

this morning i read the thoughts of a friend who was talking about the themes of conflict and loss that we use to celebrate what should be the deepest love of our lives.  i had to smile, it is clear to me that there are smiles in the world and beyond, even when they come with sadness.  i again came back to the parent trap, which for me proves that the people in our lives can help us be happy by giving us space.

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Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': It's none of my nevermind. I don't say a word. 
Mitch Evers: [turning to leave; deadpan] I know, you never say a word to anyone. 

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being the child of divorce, and experiencing divorce as an adult, i watch the parent trap with a sense of recognition and hope.   i see two people who clearly remember why they liked each other in the first place.  they live on separate continents, and it works for them.  i don't believe the end where they get back together, but i do see that they will be friends.  rather than keeping the kids apart they will realize that the children are the priority, even if this means having to accept someone you could not accept in the past.

the trap keeps creeping into my head.  i want to watch these happy characters find themselves.  people seem to see the easy device of driving off the evil step mother as the theme of the movie.  that's not it at all for me.  it's getting to the place in life, like the grandfather, that you know when to keep quiet and allow those around you to make their own decisions and when to finally step in.  just as the grandfather does with his overbearing wife when he saids:

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Charles McKendrick: Louise, for once I'm putting my foot down. Now let them alone! 

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i wish i could go to a "best buy", but the local "black sails" video store just doesn't have old movies about families.  for now i am stuck with my memories.