chapter two

ahhhhhhh, its 10:30 pm and i am not at my desk.  i know this sounds like something that should not be a surprise but… well over the last year this is far from the norm.   i realized last week that i had gone to dinner two nights in a row.  during dinner time, we eat dinner without doing email.  we sat and talked about work, life and balance.  as i took in the relaxed surroundings, i saw a smile and realized change had happened while i wasn’t paying attention.  the previous chapter had come to a close while the next sat distantly in the future.

other than taking time off, sitting in a different café, eating a lot of mexican food and losing focus during a lull in the action, nothing had just changed.  change has been happening for months, or years, but at some point reality becomes clear even if you are not focused.  losing focus might have been the catalyst that allowed it to become clear. 

it could have happened laying in a jacuzzi with broken jets, or it could have been sitting in a cramped airplane seat, but the reality hit sitting at a table down under and just looking up.  location did not matter, the change could have been realized anywhere.  the reality is, if you are focused, change is constant and continuous.  change is everywhere.  

earlier tonight i wrote my annual-review.  it’s a process many dread, and one i enjoy.  51 weeks out of the year, we are looking forward to our most pressing issues.  we focus on our to-do lists and we push to get things done while trying to create some level of balance among the demands of life.

for one week year, we look back and document our accomplishments.  we consider our faults and plan our future.  as a manager, i get to help staff to construct and accomplish goals of their own.  while doing this, i am able to take some credit for their accomplishments.  as i write my personal work-review, i realize my peers are writing theirs, and we are all making a case for the coveted slots at the top of the performance bell curve.  our manager will look at our documented accomplishments and those he identifies as his own will get higher weight.

this is part of the review process, it's built in and productive.  as an individual you get a chance to highlight the positive things you have done, as a manager you get to share those positive things, and to look at a wide group full of success and consider which are important and which to reward.  how would things be if we were able to do this in our personal lives; to sit and have a structured review?   

before i grew up into the corporate world, i was a well-paid itinerant worker.  my job was like that of the tomato pickers who come over the border from mexico into the southwest of the US.  i was foreign to the firms i worked in.  they had no reason to care for me as a person or to develop my skills, i was paid for my work and sent on my way.  if they let me work today i was a success; if they told me i wasn't needed it was because someone else was capable of doing my job.  being ready to be sent packing with nothing more than fruit-stained hands was part of the drive to succeed; and never getting a formal review was part of that life.

i now work where i have the chance to be reviewed, while in life i am living as a consultant.  i go to interviews and take on short-term gigs, but finding that permanent role is elusive.  i have considered that i am negotiating a too strongly, but trading independence for security is not my goal.  finding the role that fits and will last to retirement is; that cannot be compromised.  fit requires connection and communication, but i also need fair and honest reviews.  otherwise it is better to spend time on the bench and wait for a future opportunity.  

this new year will be a new chapter for me.  it will be because i have done a review and realize there is room for improvement.  it’s a down economy, but opportunities will open up.  the question is if it does begin to open up can i pursue it?

step one; find time for dinners that are not spent with companions in other timezones who want to fight about things that don't matter.  it’s time to relax and do things that do matter.  there is a review coming next year and i need to exceed expectations in during review.

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as i began reading what i had written i got a call from the US.  i was asked to join a conference call that is about leadership.  i said no, but i am going to call in.  first i need to pay the check and head for the door.  so much for relaxed.

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