mostly dead

i have had miracle max in my head for the past 24 hours. thanks to youtube i was able to go and watch the mostly dead or true love scene that I keep thinking about. is it strange to think that a 40-something manager, sitting in a deli in asia would have a fairy tale character come to mind and then not go away? anyone with a love of movies and the ability to enjoy something fun knows, “the princess bride” is one of the best movies ever made. i consider it “the godfather” for the playful intelligentsia.

what triggered these thoughts? a few months ago, i moved my personal domains from an office with a t1 (which should have been shutdown years ago), to a hosted environment somewhere in europe. when i did I unexpectedly found i could not send personal email from home or most of the cafes i hang out in. yesterday, i was plugging my hand-phone into my computer to use it as a wireless connection so I could do mail. i turned to plug my computer into the wall (new power plugs they put after i asked, yes spoiled) and heard an SMS come into my phone. the SMS was from someone we can affectionately call “my wife”, as usual it started with my first name, the name no one who i consider my friend uses.

as i looked at the phone, the screen darkened as though the back light had gone off, and that little voice in my head, the one that comes from being an engineer and watching events for trends said, “hmmm, that’s odd”. the phone would not respond as i touched the screen and buttons, it would not reboot, it would not restart after i pulled the battery out…

it took me a minute to come to the realization that it was gone, acceptance was not immediate, i was in denial. my connection to the world was gone, i had no phone, no internet, no work or home mail, i could not SMS, i could not monitor work to avoid a looming crisis; i was disconnected. yes, i still had my laptop, but for someone who does email while driving, uses the phone based browser to google, wikipedia or IMDB answers when they think up some random question, and has friends/family in multiple time-zones and checks work and home mail before getting out of bed in the morning… living without the simplicity and immediacy of a connection to the world that fits in your hand is.... stressful.

a little background, i live in a world were internet connection is a must. at a dinner talk with co-workers, we read mail and ask each other if they have seen certian mails. i am not short on phones, i have 5 at home. i have a trio and a blackberry, both are US phones. the US being the US means they only work when there. my dopod is my international phone, this is the one which is now a shiny paperweight. it has my address book, my calendar, more or less my life on it. my life, which for no apparent reason, has just decided to come to a halt.

i did what i think most people in time of stress do, order a drink and think about going for a massage. i mean, what exactly could i do about this? i could have gone to the mall and spent RM 2700 (USD 850) on a new phone so i could be immediately re-connected with the world, or i could sit and try to relax. …. yeah, sitting and relaxing is not all that relaxing for me.

this is where miracle max comes in… in the middle of the movie the dead westley is carried to max’s door as inigo looking for a miracle. this is one of the best scenes in the movie and contains the line, “there's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. mostly dead is slightly alive. with all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do…”

max is one of the two characters in the movie that really resonates for me. the other is … never mind, that is a blog for another day. max is software engineer before his time. he is a miracle maker, he is a go-to-guy, he is the one that people come to when they need something done; he is a fixer.

i am using a phone that i keep around for emergencies like this. having a plan b, that’s the upside of being unable to see only the positive side of life, you are ready when something goes wrong. but even with a plan b, sometimes you are stuck with the less than optimal solution. is it time to be zenish… disconnect from the attachment and be glad i have the backup?

someone out there is going to be my miracle maker and bring it back from the dead. they will look at it and say “i’ve see worse”. they will know that my connection is only “mostly dead” and will bring it back to life. this is the thing about max that resonates within me, and it’s what i hope someone else out there understands.

no matter what, there is one more line that max says which i need to remember:

“you rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”