forgotten memories

a classmate of mine from... never mind that, why do you ask such questions, reached out over email and said hello. have you ever tried to catch up after... there you go again, why do you keep doing that, stop asking. it might be hard to catch someone up who you were close to, but have you do it with someone who you know of, but you didn’t know.

we have friends all though our lives who are never friends. we know them, we have some idea of who they are, we hear stories or just make assumptions based on the external glimpses we see. real friends are people you “know”, people you can trust to act in the ways you assume they will act, everyone else.... well...

but here is this person and we are getting to know each other over both time and space. we are on different continents, we were never really close. i can’t remember a single direct conversation we had, but ... explaining the lives we have led has been fun.

as i sat in an alley cafe eating a paratha sent to eastern europe by god to save me from eating another meal of pork, gravy and boiled bread that is making me more and more sick as the days go by, i got a call from a close friend. the call was sparked by another friend who had explained their life while out in the open. the caller was not sure if the details were real, or revisionist history made up to cover the truth.

the conversation went something like... “you know this is none of my business, and i really don’t want or need to know...”, i answered with a drawn out.. “buutttttt?????”.

the details did not square up with the way i remembered things, but i didn’t answer that clearly. i said, “you know, it’s arguable that things could be remembered like that”. i mean, remembering it one way when it happened another is a long standing human coping method. i guess we all do it at times.

there are things i struggled to remember, not really sure of what is true and what is not. there are some that i wish i could remember and i simply can’t. i have no way to get back to that memory, i need a taste, a smell or a touch that will remind me of where i was as it happened. But I think sometimes we cannot get back there as a way to protect ourselves. something’s should just stay the way they are, … or the way you remember them.

all of this comes back to the fact that i am taking a couple of days off, and i am both trying to remember things long left un-thought of and almost accidently making new memories. as the days float by things happen and they fill in the gaps, they create new ideas, new connections and if you are lucky, they might even remind you that you forgot something worthwhile as you went.

i think that’s the best type of memory: one that is forgotten, but that when you remember it, you smile and are glad that you were able to find your way back.