waiting to breathe

have you ever noticed that as the internet has grown and we can be "almost immediately" connected to anyone in the world, the pressure to answer has quickened. in my childhood i remember times when i would send an letter via mail, i it would be weeks before i would expect to get a response; those days are long gone. remember, i am not that old, but i am definitely pre-internet, these simple days of childhood have been replaced with the pressures of a modern adult life.

in today’s world, we expect nearly immediate response; this is because many times we get it. my company is in an environment where people work nearly around the clock. we have offices world wide, and someone is always working, but this is not what i mean. there are many people who literally can be on-line and working at almost any time of day. for some, this is a well know part of their personality, they are awake and working (or is that playing late night games, with IM on at the same time) and will respond to an issue if one is sent to them.

lets add a pressure point into this mix, we meet someone who is not part of this life style, or someone from this environment pulls away and suddenly is no longer there at all times of the day. in either case -- or others that translate to delays -- , one is now left waiting for a something that is a long time in coming. the anticipation is real, but the payoff is delayed. it can feel like holding your breath while you swim under water. runners, who can freely breathe as the move quickly down the road, are stressed when they are thrown into the water and need to pace their breathing to move efficiently down the pool.

this same feeling of holding ones breath is something i am presently experiencing. for different reasons i am waiting, i am hoping, i am looking forward to the breath, but i am surviving on the air i have. while this happens, i feel the burning sensation tear through my lungs. as a former swimmer and lifeguard i am prepared for this, but it still hurts, it reminds me of how even moments can feel like forever; but how short time really is.

the trick i learned many years ago was that surviving in the water is about relaxing. even when you feel the urgency to break and head to the surface, as the demand to breathe screams in your head, you need to be calm. its about quieting the voice and controlling the situation. that is what i am doing, i am feeling the stress, waiting for the chance to breathe and simply holding another second without bursting to the surface in failure.

internet time has spoiled us, things happen quickly, but sometimes we just need to relax and realize that we are all just swimming through life, feeling the currents and watching the bubbles go to the surface as we see the light shimmering down to us from above. it makes us realize how important a simple thing like breathing really is when we get back out of the water and can get air whenever we need it.

i will simply hold on until my chance to breathe comes. the pain in my chest is real but, if i can relax, i can try to wait for the moment when its okay to breathe again. hopefully that moment will come soon.