self driven

i was driving home the other night and looked over to see someone being chauffeured in a hyundai. because i also drive a hyundai, and are still regularly asked if i drive myself, i began to think about why someone would need a driver and what it says about the country where so many people expect that i would want one.

when i first came to malaysia, i took a cab to the hotel close to my meetings, then another into KL for a weekend of site-seeing. that was the end of my being driven in this country. while wandering around KL, i bought a map at a book store. next i rented a car and began to find my way around. a drive from cyberjaya to nilai, my first long drive on the highway while sitting in what had always been the "passenger seat", reminded me of the first long drive i did solo while a teenager. both trips were a rite of passage of sorts, moments of self imposed fear that allowed me to confront the emotion and take control of my independence.

i have a friend of a friend here who is over 40 and does not have a license to drive. he gets around on public transit and through the good will of others. this is really not as uncommon as i first thought. i can quickly come up with a list of people i know here who began to drive in their thirties, or are "getting ready to start driving". even the people who do drive frequently say "sorry, i can't go there, i do not know my way". being able to find your way, without requiring someone else to lead, is what being self driven is all about.

i used to stop into an expat coffeeshop on the way to the office. occasionally a black van would pull up outside and a pretty chinese woman about 30 would get out. she did not come in alone, there were always two guys who did not smile and took up protective positions at the front and back of the cafe as she was ordering. when she left, they would quietly follow and load themselves back into the van with blacked out windows. the driver who had been standing next to the van watching the street outside was the last to get in before they pulled away.

the second or third time i witnessed this, one of the baristas leaned over and whispered to me, "do you know who that is"? when he gave me a name, i had never heard it. then he said, "her father owns mid-valley, they are afraid she is going to be kidnapped, so she as a driver and guards". this is definitely a reason i can understand. but i wonder how many of the people with drivers are in a situation like this? maybe, they just want people to think they are.

asking why malaysian's have drivers i was told it's not the driving, but the parking that is the issue. given the state of parking here, i see some of the logic behind this. but you would think that after paying 3 times more for a car than it would cost in a country not using protectionist tariff policy to give jobs to proton workers, paying the added cost for jockey parking would not be a deal breaker. doing some quick math, i guess i spend an extra RM 200 (USD 65) on jockey parking a month. a driver would cost me 10 - 20 times that. jockey parking to save time and money, it might be a challenging idea, but only for the math-illiterate.

when i think of the conspicuous consumption of having a driver in the US, i think of mr. big, the role model who is carrie's soulmate in sex and the city. having a full time driver in the NYC will easily cost USD 200K a year. having so many of the scenes with big and carrie in his car is a constant reminder of his wealth and status. seeing big roll down the window is really enough, but having him say, "change of plans jimmy, let's take the lady down town" is the classic big moment where he changes his busy schedule just to do something nice for carrie. for big, time is more important than money, and that is what he gives carrie when he offers his driver.

but the person i saw being driven up the sprint was almost the opposite. being driven in a hyundai, reading the sports page to keep up on the EPL, and trying to look important enough to warrant a driver comes off as small, not the big that one might have in mind as they cut the monthly check. new rule: if you cannot afford the limousine, don't hire the driver.

i drive myself because i enjoy it. i use the moments behind the wheel as meditation, where my mind can wander as the driving moves to a semi-autopilot mode. i enjoy the experience of wandering in new areas, getting lost and finding my own way. i like having a map of the world in my head, that i can tap into and find a new way between two points. i am not sure why you would give these moments away to someone else. why would you delegate the adventure of experience to someone else? it is too easy to let life slip by unnoticed, all the more when you are in the back seat reading a newspaper.

being self driven is the only way to live life. it allows you to find new places, to take new routes and to learn as you experience the day. being in control of your vehicle and the destinations that you reach, teach you that you can accomplish anything you set out to do. without facing those fears, you would be forced to stay in the small space you started in, or where ever your driver was able to take you.

when i am asked if i drive myself, i smile and say:

"of course i do, don't you"?