social lubricant

one of the strangest things about living in KL for me is the social climate which eliminates the need for alcohol. american kids, especially those growing up in an irish catholic community that were formerly the home of the navies northern fleet, and later became a premier tourist location for summer relaxation, grow up expecting there to be events driven by social lubricant.

contrary to the sense of abstention i am now used to, my former life was punctuated with regular use of liquid to grease the wheels. not former really, i have been away from KL for almost a full month now and in that time i have looked for something to offer a guest, only to find it was mysteriously, or not so mysteriously, missing. on another night, i sat for hours with friends i like, those i don’t like but trust and those i simply don’t trust but respect and talked work, sports, life and politics. the night came with a freedom that starts with the click a glass and is put back on track by offering to order the next round. a week later, i made a friend who offered a visit to tuscany, but who will never connect to keep that promise; no worries the conversation was worth the time. a week after that, i was enticed into stealing a fry, and a dip of mayo, from the next table just to prove that i had no filters.

each of these events was fueled by beverages meant to assist in the dropping of social barriers. these beverages helped to relax those talking and those not. they opened minds and helped conversations flow, they may have helped people who would otherwise have been too stressed to relax and enjoy into doing just that. why would an entire community, even those who are not bound by a separate standard of behavior, not want to engage in something that opens them up and allows thoughts, conversations and events flow freely.

i have come to understand that it’s not the beverage, but the freedom that causes the hesitation. i was in a group that told me, “its tradition to have a few drinks and tell off your boss, he knows what you think and he is not allowed to get mad… which is why it's good”. i have to agree, that is good. reality checks are a good thing, and if people can’t open up to help give a reality check to someone who needs it without assistance, then they deserve to have the courage (and cover) that social lubricant can provide. by eliminating that, everything is "on the record"; there is no “well he had a one too many” rationalizations.

malaysia is one of the stiffest places i have ever experienced. there is a culture of consumption, but it is not the consumption i was conditioned within. the older generation, the parents of my friends, tell stories of “everyone” going out together, walking home singing and coming over each other’s houses for parties. the fact that this comraderie this was lost, is right up there with encouragement of tudong and near elimination of form-fitting kebaya on the sad if not evil scale.

seriously, loosen up. life outside is so much more fun, it’s a plane ride a way, go find out and bring it back with you. imagine being able to have fun, speak your mind, get respect and not have to be fearful that someone was going to get upset and retaliate. if you can’t use the world’s social lubricant find your own… but you know certain things are standards because they work and they have been proven.

come to my house in the US, we will sit on the back porch, put something in the smoker, have a drink and rub our bare feet on the dog. if you can’t see the value and pleasure in that, if it doesn’t relax you and you can’t look at the trees and wonder why you ever tried to live any other way… well there is no hope.

you might as well just wait for durian season and admit that this is the way you really like it. to paraphrase animal house: separated, isolated and uptight is no way to go through life.