market segmentation

having been in malaysia for 7 years, i have been through the stages of expat experience.  i have gone from disoriented wandering, to sponge-like learning, to stabilized living in the rut the foreigner lifestyle.  i am now at the point where i can give directions as good or better than locals, discuss food using native names only, and have begun to notice how things have changed rather than how they are different from home.  this week led me through an adventure of malaysia in the state of change.  i am seeing a culture shift happen right in front of me, and like what i am seeing.

last week i saw an ad for a suzuki gs550, which is the former standard for 1980s malaysian police motorcycles.  the bike in the ad still had the paint job and gear of a police moto.  the inner voice sitting next to me hated how it looked, but imagine the chips theme song going off in my head.  it could be possible that i spent a few moments considering the use of the bike's police lights in KL traffic and i might have re-imagined a pre-teen fantasy of helping ponch and john during a chase.  

given there are few in country who could recognize the chips fantasy ride in action, i thought i was safe from an immediate need to modify the bike, but the desire to do it was still there.  so if i wanted to do this the next step was to find a builder who would be able to help me get it to the modernized cafe vision.  there is a emerging cafe racer community, and there are custom builders beginning to pop up, supporting conversions and rallys. 

the first place i dropped into was is an american chopper boutique in bangsar.  they sell harleys as the primary business, but allegedly also do service.  their website promised full service maintenance and rebuilds.  the shop is on a street i slip down a few times a week, but i have never seen any activity.  the place normally looks closed; i have only seen people moving around outside once or twice.  but i decided to start here, they are the most convenient location and being in bangsar i assumed would be expat easy.

the shop was dead quiet when i walked in.  it was clean, spacious and well polished, with 6 or 8 new harleys parked around the show room in a dark and calming environment that was more art gallery than motorcycle shop.  there were guys hidden in back, we had a good conversation and they know their stuff about motorcycles.  but they have no history of building a custom bike.  there were no cafe bikes in the shop and none of them ride one.  they knew the theory behind the project, but were focused on explaining to me that "sometimes shit happens".  this was clearly a warning that the project could be longer and more expensive than the estimate.  malaysian pace meets expat target, i learned these lessons years ago when i built the office. i fully understood the between the lines reality.

the process they suggested was that once i purchased a bike we would make sure it runs and from there the conversion would be 3 - 4 months with a rough-estimate cost of 15 thousand RM.  when i challenged the time, i was told that once we have all the parts together it would be at least a month to put them together and maybe some work following that to shake things out.  i left the gallery with a mental picture of 4 - 6 months and 20 - 30K RM as the cost.  added to the cost of the bike, my expat easy gallery would deliver me a ride in time for merdeka with a probable cost of 40K RM (13K USD).

the next option was to try to dip into the more localized solutions.  rather than going expat easy, i would need to move toward a malaysian solution.  a similar cultural revolution that drove the british cafe racer culture in the 1960s is happening in malaysia now.  people are embracing the freedoms of speed and individuality.   middle-class locals cannot afford triumphs that cost 3 times what they do in the US.  the desire to ride something more than the average 125cc scooters is there, and old bikes rebuilt and customized for individuality is the solution.  even if i can afford the higher price, i am not going to pay it.  this is what has driven me in the this direction, so it must be time to go there.

google maps and a sense of direction led me into an area of KL i have never been.  kampung pandan is behind embassy land but not quite as far as ampang.  finding the shop was surprisingly easy, maybe i am just getting better at working with less than complete information.  the hardest part of the adventure was squeezing my car down the road in front of the shoplots.  seconds after smashing my side mirror against another cars with a loud shock of attention, i saw the shop with greasy guys lingering outside.

the rest was amazing easy.  the shop was jammed with people and bikes.  it is considerably less polished than the bangsar art gallery; clearly a work space rather than show room.  i counted at least 9 project bikes in various states of construction.  bikes of all shapes and sizes in the process of conversion to cafe trim.  custom seats and bars being fabricated in the open proved that there is a culture of conversion in the shop.  the owner is a former lawyer who clearly loves cafe, he pointed to his personal ride that had a new seat being bolted on.  he was open that he is not a mechanic, but introduced me to the american kid he has working for him to assist with the build process.  if the bangsar shop was a motorcycle version of datin louis vuitton shop, this shop was more borneo ink with metal.

i felt at home almost immediately.  sam and i chatted about what they do, and how they work.  he told me he had a stream of bikes to source from.  if i wanted i could put half down and in a week he would have a bike for me.  if i wanted that one i could sign up and we could begin the build, otherwise the shop would keep it and he would find another.  he shared that his standard customer is very price conscious, so some of the things i was asking for could be done but for a price above the 1.5K RM he would normally charge.  all in i am estimating 15K for the bike and the build, he said one month, i am fine with two if that's where we end up.  anything short of 4 will be a major victory.

both of these shops have only been around for only a few years.  the one in bangsar is old malaysia; they are focused on expats and upper class older riders.  the kampung shop is new malaysia; focused on the younger crowds who are in the process of moving upwards. they have to build because we can not buy.  the crazy import fees need to be avoided, they can get former police motorcycles and convert them to something fun and cool, rather than just purchasing something, to be shown like a branded hand bag, they are building something unique and personal.  welcome to the rocker culture.

i rode the brat over to kampung this morning to give them the downpayment on the project bike.  i should be able to go back next weekend and see the bike.  the process has begun.  i am happy to support this business and the cultural shift it represents.  i know what i will be doing on weekends for the next couple of months.  i will balik kampung to help the guys create my vintage motorcycle.  i know exactly what i want.  i can picture it, and can't wait to do a ton.

vintage hip, cafe cool; rocker culture over louis vuitton for sure.

be careful

i have someone in my life who gives me the same advice almost everyday.  the advice is not just a parting gesture, it is a genuine hope that i will take the advice and incorporate it into my daily life.  the issue is that i may not really understand what they are telling me.  it seems to me that i already reasonably careful, if not strictly cautious. i wonder why someone would feel the need to give me this advice; especially someone who knows and hopefully understands me.  it makes me worry sometimes that they feel the need to tell me this. maybe they see something i don't see.  as i speed away, i hear the echo of them saying "be careful".

i see myself as a risk taker, but not as a stupid risk taker.  i wear my seat belts when i drive.  i wear a helmet when i ride my bike.  i believe in safety, unless it gets in the way of enjoying the activity.  the example that jumps out at me is the use of a life preserver.  when someone hands me one of these as i step onto a boat i cringe at the idea of putting it on.  not that i want to risk drowning, but that i know i am going to be uncomfortable the whole time i am wearing it.   i also know that i can swim better without the bulky orange vest, than with it.  unless i am sailing far from shore, and at real risk of being swept off the deck by storm waves, i am not going to wear something that just gets in the way.

why do i wear a helmet then?  well, the risk/reward calculation is different.  i have ridden bikes long enough, hard enough and fast enough to have lost 4 of them to crashes.  when i say lost, i mean folded up into sculpture like shapes by high speed impacts with larger and higher mass vehicles.  in one of these impacts, i walked way with barely a scratch on me, but with a long white stripe of paint on my black helmet.  i have always wondered what my bare head what have looked like after the same impact sans plastic safety gear.  prior impacts, most while doing nothing close to risky but mixed with speed, boredom, stupidity and the elements have taught me that i am not in control while on a bike.  i am at risk because of others, and i need to take extra precautions.

we are all always at risk.  there is risk in walking out onto my balcony, or so i should believe if i listen to the stories of people being hit by lightening.  but when i review the studies, we find that most deaths occur in non-urban environments around the world.  if i were in the rural world, i might need to take more direct precautions.  but in my urban environment, staying out of the pool during a thunderstorm should be enough.  doing the things i heard as a kid, turning off the TV, not using a phone and staying away from windows might be a bit of overkill in todays world.  i would rather get up in the middle of the night and go out onto the balcony to enjoy a good thunderstorm than to hide from it because of some mythical belief carried from an earlier age and situation.

i do take risks.  the kids and i are talking about going skydiving.  but we are not into taking dumb risks. we all agreed that if we are going to do it, we will do it in the US rather than asia, and we will find a reputable firm to do the training with.  everything might have risk, but being smart about which ones you take are part of the game.

when i first realized how often i was being told to "be careful" i wondered if there was an underlying message i had been missing.  much like when i tell people to "be good", in most settings in asia i do not think i am giving them the same advice they would be getting from their parents if they were told the same thing.  i am suggesting they be self aware, be the best they can be and embrace the opportunities to enjoy life.  this contrasts with the asian version of, "don't do anything that will later be a mistake or bring shame".  when i try to imagine getting this asian version of the advice as a child, i remember my father saying, "fuck em if they can't take a joke".  which i translate for my kids as, "life is short, enjoy yourself".  clearly my blue-collar-hippie dad was not an asian parent; thank god for that.

i try to be careful, but living life stops me from avoiding all things risky.  i got a tattoo, and loved the process and results.  i take the kids out far to the break, i ride motorcycles and enjoy driving in storms.  the thing i miss most about winters are going snowboarding.  bungee jumping and skydiving are both on the list.  i would love to ride across asia, or sail across an ocean.  i hope retirement comes with a surfboard and a local break over 6 feet.  i am just dumb enough to paddle out and risk it, because i know i can and i love the thrill of actually doing it.

if being careful means not driving fast, not feeling the wheels slip a bit in the rain, not feeling that pull of mature fear of failure be replaced by the satisfaction of success, then i am not ready to be careful.  i don't want to be that guy now, or ever.  if i was going to be that guy, i probably would have been before.  maybe i was when the kids were young, i was not taking as many risks and i was always worried for them and their safety.  i was much less fun, and i was clearly much less happy that i am now.  i have realized they didn't need me to be that guy, what they needed was for me to go along and participate.  sharing the risks and the laughs are much better than being upset that they are on their bikes without a helmet; i am sorry we ever had that conversation.

some people can feel a thrill while safely locked into a roller coaster.  others have the ability to drive themselves into the thrills that get their heart going.  when i hear the advice to "be careful", it's not saying don't drive yourself.  what i hear is, "i know you enjoy this, i know you know there is risk, i want you to come back safely and tell me how the challenge felt and much of a charge the act of success gave".

or maybe i am just translating "be careful" to "be good".

choosing culture

much of what i write about here reflects the differences between myself and the cultures which i experience as i live my life.  i started writing when i moved to asia, during a period of other change in my life.  as i was experiencing the new environment, i began to see the similarity and many more differences between asia and version of the US i felt i had left.  the questions i was asking were mostly about why people would make the choices they make.  this was both at the micro and macro levels, as well as specifically about myself and those closest to me.  we make choices, we live publicly and privately inside our own culture; and next to other cultures.  but many of the choices people make seem oddly foreign, even when they are made for cultural reasons you understand.

i have asked the same question of three friends in the past few weeks.  they have signed up to join cultures which are not their own.  in all cases i was told the reason was their respect for the same small group focus that would have driven me away.  these are guys i know and respect.  we have a lot in common, but these choices are beyond my ability to understand.  they are making a choice to join a culture, and will be expected to live within those choices.  all three have strong individuality, the proven ability to separate themselves from those closest to them, and yet all three are signing up join groups that limit the individual for the ability to hold the group tightly bound together.

when people in asia talk about being multi-cultural, i smile and shake my head.  there are cultural differences here, but they are small differences.  the differences are mostly external, focused on what language you speak, what you eat and what you wear.  these are surface items, that allow a very high level of cross over.  not only do we have baba-nyonya culture, where chinese took on the outward elements of the malay/indonesian culture, but we have HIGH number of chinese, indian, thai and other ethnic mixing that make the malay group what it is today.  i have to smile when someone tells me they are "fully malay", but then admits that one or more of their grandparents where from a non-malay culture or ethnicity.

don't miss understand me.  i am not saying this is disingenuous in any way.  what i am arguing is that there is not as much difference between the groups as people would like others to believe.  all three groups are family focused, and patriarchal.  viewed with a more critical viewpoint, especially through the american lens of individuality and egalitarianism, this can come across more as paternalism and softly-veiled misogyny.  but to each other, the traditional asian value system is strongly held by the other groups.  it is clearly much easier to dislike the western value system than to acuse one of the other groups of being socially dangerous.

and there is the danger i see for my friends.  they are choosing a culture where what is considered normal for us could be subversive and riddled with danger.  unless of course they are looking to join, and take advantage of the male-focus of the culture.  as i think about this more deeply, they are each from different western cultures which were previously paternalistic.  am i misunderstanding the desires here, is it that they truly want to go back to the more conservative times of the past?  is that the attraction for joining?

you could point out that i also recently joined a asian group dynamic.  although i did it in slightly different ways.  i selected a group with the smallest amount of differences of all the situations.  same religion, same focus on education, same professional level, history of crossing ethnic boarders and possibly the most important of all shared native language.  fully asian, but with a strong western vibe deeply ingrained and a focus on the strength of women and matriarchy.   hopefully they will continue to be accepting of my semi-bohemian individuality.  there is evidence of this acceptance being core to the group; so i am less worried than i would be otherwise.

we all choose cultures.  we may choose to stay within the one we were brought up in, or to go along with the changes our culture is experiencing as we mature.  we choose our culture by selecting family, friends, education, occupation, workplace, hobbies and groups we join and even the places we choose to live.  we make choices about what we eat, where we go and who we spend time with.  we decide to be alone or in a wider group.  we choose to dress up, dress down or dress with the norm to send statements about who we are and how we fit into the wider group dynamics around us.

i still don't understand the choices others make.  why any person would stay with someone who uses the threat or act of violence to keep them is beyond me.  why a woman would not throw off a misogynistic culture, may always be a mystery.  but i no longer question the validity of these choices; not most of them.  many choices i would never make can valid for others.  i am not going to advocate against most of them.  i will not suggest they are wrong.  i know they are not right for me.

but, as a self-professed free-thinking libertarian, what else would you expect.

choosing freedom

i was just settling in under the umbrella today when my angel pointed out the topless woman a few chairs down.  yesterday there had been an equally free woman at the other end of the long set of chairs; too far to see who she was with or around.  just close enough to notice her choice of freedom and move back to my book on evolution.  but today we were closer, and there was more of a chance to put the entire scene in perspective.

last year i was sitting in the same chairs with my daughter and noticed an older woman a few chairs down who had chosen freedom.  i asked ash why she did not make the same choice, she said "i don't want to show them".  i noticed the age of the woman, and although she looked good for her age, she may have passed some point where things had looked better.  the reply and the observation caused me to muse, "isn't it sad if there is a inverse relationship between someone showing, and someone wanting to be shown?"

the attraction is not the freedom, but the act of choosing to be free.  i find it interesting.  why do some women who would look wonderful choose not to be free?  how do others, regardless of how they look, make the choice?  this same question can be repurposed for lessor acts of freedom.  bikini, sheer blouse, braless, short dress, tight jeans, sleeveless, tudong, burqa are all points along the same spectrum of choice.  we live in a multi-cultural environment so many of these points will be accepted in the right situation; if you choose them.  but there is cultural conditioning that takes the freedom away.

few people are surprised or offended by children on the beach that are topless or with less.  this happens across all the cultures, in the past week i have seem families from all over asia, europe or australia with kids in less than a complete swimsuit.  it is the same in the US, no one gives it a second thought.  but as we age, the conditioning kicks in, to the point that actions accepted by some are are stopped by fear or shame by others.  in my standard libertarian bent i believe each person should have the ability to choose, and should not be oppressed by others into making a certain decision; wether it's wearing a hajib or not wearing a top on the beach.  both are equally valid, and the right to choose should be protected and celebrated.

these thoughts all kicked in as i looked past the woman of freedom, and her equally free friend, and noticed that immediately next to them was a muslim family with a woman in tudong.  men, women and children in the group eating their early lunch and discreetly ignoring the two european woman.  there were others all around; men and women, local, asian, aussie and russians.  no one seemed to interact with these woman, to be offended or to try to get them to be less free.  not while in the chairs, or when they laid at the waters edge with their toes in the surf,

this is the point, these women made a choice, others either respected it or ignored it.  i find this as a very positive thing.  this is a muslim country; although it is also a hindu island known for bare breasted women 100 years ago.  it has a very large number of tourists coming and going with a certain surfer-chic hipness baked into the vibe.   other asian-muslim countries are not nearly as relaxed about these things, i really can't imagine any form of public immodesty being ignored in malaysia.  last year people were shot with water cannons for wearing yellow shirts, no telling what could happen if there were no shirts.  note the lack of anything close to a world-class vacation spot and do the math.

so, hurray to the freedom and to the freedom to be free.  this kind of simplicity and respect is exactly why i needed to get away.  i just needed to be somewhere that let's people live and stays out of their life.  the hotel has armed guards, a bomb sniffing dog and metal detectors to try to keep the guests safe from another round of bombings, but on a day to day basis there is more freedom and sanity here because of cultural acceptance; and the surfer vibe.

as we talked sitting on our shaded chairs, i remembered a morning long ago.  i had just climbed up into the tower and was putting on sunblock.  a woman walked up called for me to come down.  when i got there she said, "i am not a prude, but i have kids with me and those people are doing something under their blanket that i hope you can make them stop".  i looked maybe 100 feet down the beach, no where close to anyone else there was a lone blanket.  as i watched the blanket did have a certain rhythmic movement to it.  i looked at the not-a-prude-mom and told her i would take care of it.

i strolled down slowly, hoping things would resolve themselves before i got there.  when i got to them, there was still some movement, and i cleared my throat to let them know i was there.  two heads popped out, with shy smiles.  we had a very quick conversation, where i apologized for having to do it but asked them to take the party somewhere else.

when i got back into the tower, prude-mom waved thanks to me and i went back to putting on sun block.  i remember sitting and wondering if i should have handled the situation differently.  i needed to enforce the rules, but i didn't feel right doing it.  not-a-prude-mom could have ignored the situation, and distracted the kids down at the water.  i doubt her kids ever noticed, and if they did she could have used it as a teaching exercise on freedom.  but she decided to be legalistic and to impose her "not-a-prude" views on others who were nowhere near her; safely hidden under a blanket.

it is probably 28 years since that summer morning.  i am on the other side of the planet and i have seen things.  if i had been working on the beach this morning and prude-mom had come up to me and asked me to take care of this situation, i am not sure what i would have done.  but today was not that day, and i was not in that role.

today was vacation; one built on freedom and openness   i am very happy i was with someone who appreciates my love of freedom, and who is open to pointing something out if i would have missed it.

what did she choose?  what she is comfortable with, and i love that she knows it's all her choice.

selective identity

i enjoy people watching.  i am sitting next to the pool, having morning coffee in an effort to jolt myself awake.  i could have slept in, but i would rather sit here and take in the people around me. there is a table with an aussie flight crew, two pilots and two cabin crew, there are tables with singaporean chinese and others with chinese from the mainland.  there are tables with indians, russians, indonesians and the occasional americans.  most of the time its possible to read which group someone falls into at a distance.  haircuts, clothes, shoes are all hints that can be used to categorize.  if you can hear them talk, you may be able to go deeper, hearing regional-locations and education level.  if you have a real discussion, you can read even more.

i enjoy people watching because i like to see how close i can get to the truth.  is the woman who just took the table next to me aussie as i thought when i saw her walking across the pool... confirmed when she asks for coffee.  why would this matter?  i can give examples of when it has come in useful.  like when i knew the older aussie couple the other day at starbucks would speak english, and most likely be friendly and open to conversation. but honestly, it's more about the process.  the challenge, the fun of the puzzle and the thrill when i find out i am wrong.

human's are natural categorizers.  we are programmed to identify in-group and out-group members quickly.  a good skill to have on the savannas of africa, when the risk of misreading the membership of the person coming toward you could be fatal.  but one that can cause issues when in a cosmopolitan environment with complex social structures.  this may be why some people choose to remain deeply ensconced in their tribal group of choice.  rather than being asked to choose who is safe, they are given a default zone of safety by staying within "their group".

beyond the opportunity cost this imposes, the most glaring issue with this kind of exclusion is when they find that those inside the group cannot fully be trusted either.  once the group becomes suspect, people wonder if anything can be trusted.  if the group does not have a strong enough hold, this could drive someone to look for identity outside of the group.  it could cause one to learn and accept things that could be a challenge to the wider group gestalt.  this is how schisms happen, or how someone commits apostasy.

this risk of losing members is a major reason that group dynamics work to protect the trust that membership brings.  why groups have such strong policing mechanisms on member behavior.  limiting or stopping actions that risk group cohesion.  whether this is living away from the groups warm loving embrace, embracing thoughts (education) that contradict the orthodoxy, or sin of all sins embracing people (dating) outside the group.  allowing someone to begin to empathize with foreign groups removes the simplicity of accepting the communal bonds of the original tribe.

i literally lived on an island as a child.  i was the fourth generation to be born there.  my family was if not well known, then a bit infamous.  we were standard irish catholic.  it was likely that i would stay on the island, build a life and be happy going to the irish american club on saturday afternoon to have a pint with the boys.  but there were issues, my mother was not from the island, she was not catholic, she had come to college in town and met my father.  after my parents divorced, 8 years and 4 children too late, i spent time wondering what else is out there?  i wanted to know why and how church of england was different than roman catholic.  i wanted to know what other family i had off the island.  i wanted to take my irish catholic boyhood off, and try on the WASP side of my heritage.

i spent my college years off the island, i began to travel, i studied religion, history, politics and economics in a search for some understanding of the wider world.  but one weekend i went back to the island and went out drinking with the boys.  my friends, my closest friends in the world, and i tipped back a few glasses and told stories.  towards the end of the night, one of my friends came over to me and accused me of having lost my identity.  in his view, i was not entitled to drop back into the group like this.  he had stayed, i had left -- i should not be coming back now.  i had a new life, a new group.  in the moment i knew he was drunk, i thought it was less about me and more about his connection to others in the group, i wasn't angry it was more a sense of embarrassment for his display.  but that night was the last time i went to the island and saw this group of friends.  i have been back, but i never have the time to join this group.  i never make the time, because i am no longer a member.

i had always had a sense of distance from this group.  to be completely honest, i have always had a sense of distance from almost all of the groups i have been a member of over the years.  this may come from the need to be prepared for changes that would change the group dynamic; a compensation technique that a child of divorce could find useful.  this could also come from a the early understanding that orthodoxy was at times about stopping someone from asking the questions that come when outside the box.

but i love being outside.  i don't trust the easy answer, because they almost never seen right to me.  on this trip i am reading about the evolution of god that has been driven by social evolution of humans and why the west rules which argues that the industrial revolution and cultural bias is not enough to explain the history of east v. west.  the group i want to be a member of is the one which will appreciate and discuss these theses.  both of books challenge orthodoxy, but i enjoy the challenge and care less for the orthodoxy than the wider-view cosmopolitan discussion that they can drive.

i could not have been the guy who never asked questions.  i could not have accepted the orthodox through faith, or the simple answer that should not be questioned or challenged.  i knew early on that people of the in-group were wrong, dangerous or both.  the biggest danger i faced was not being able to search for better answers.  it was not being able to see the world, meet new people and share views that would be shut off if we each simply followed the simple path of staying inside our groups and never challenging ourselves and others to think.

i like people watching because i am in situations where there is complexity.  if we were all the same, all from a single tribe with shared norms and social expectations, what would be the fun of watching?  there would be nothing to parse, it would all be decided for us.

i like people watching, because i like to decide for myself.

wishing you

i am at dinner in a local restaurant with a sign board that promises mexican food. it also has indonesian, italian, chinese and seafood listed, so i am not sure what to expect. the staff appears to speak english and russian equally well, not sure if this is a hint that mexican should not be the feast of choice, but then again, that is what this whole trip is all about, exploring.

i spent the day at the beach. hiding under the umbrella, reconsidering the need to add sunblock to my packing list for the beach. i wrapped myself in a sarong-tudong and wondered how I had gotten so far without SPF enhancement. the days of sunblock magically appearing are gone, time to take responsibility for my own skin.

as the day wound down a large crack of thunder in the distance got me headed back. already late, i took a few intentionally misguided turns and ended up in a small back-road village. the sales-kids on the beach had told me about a barong tonight. there was an old gentlemen in a crisp white outfit I have seen at temple festivals. i slowed and asked him if the barong was here. he shook his head no, and pointed around the corner.

there was a crowd of men loitering next to the temple. one was holding a rooster dripping blood from its legs. money was being passed back and forth between the men; somehow i had found the islands christmas night cockfight. i guessed this was a different form of cultural event, just not one in the guide books. given the theme of the week, i parked my motorcycle and tried to merge into the crowd.

that merge was not simple, my presence was clearly unexpected. it caused more than several looks, and a few whispered comments. this is where common sense kicks in for most. in a village that the 5-star hotel crowd never sees, my peers would neither get here nor intentionally stay. i tapped into my inner gonzo journalist and started talking to locals in a rough english-indonesian mix and did the polite thing by placing a bet.

the next contestants were both scrappy looking. liking it dark, i bet on the black cock with psychedelic green coloring on his sides. as they brought the birds together to snap at each other, i noticed the size of the white cocks claws, and knew i had made my first cock-fight mistake. there is some saying about big feet and winning cocks, but the action was ready to start and i needed to focus. i decided to let the contest play out; my bet more of like an entrance fee than a wager.

the "fight" lasted about three minutes. the white bird kicked my colored bird's ass. my guy left with a chunk of his neck missing, but alive and able to lose another day. i had visions of being deep in mexico while watching the combatants, they seemed more beach-asian, with a laid back surfer approach to fighting, than the gangsters they and the homies could be mistaken for. back on the road i knew there was a lesson to be learned, i still haven't figured it out. it will come to me.

it rained while i napped and showered. it was dry by the time i was ready for my christmas feast. i rode over to the place i had seen the day before and found it mostly empty; with a local guy playing christmas songs on his guitar. music to go along with my natal enchilada.

"feliz navidad" was interesting because he sang the english parts with a thick accent and the spanish memorized without accent. i was singing along so it was the second verse before I actually listened to him and heard:

i want to miss you a merry christmas. i want to miss you a merry christmas. i want to miss you a merry christmas, from the bottom of my hot.

i was sure he was doing it that way on purpose. it's the perfect end to this day. semi-yoga, cafe, beach, cockfight, motorcycle, sunburn, nasi goreng, madi-kutu in the afternoon and acceptable mexican food with bintang besar and a guitarist that mistranslates to improvement.

this is the best release ever; wish you were here.

ugly malaysians

while sitting in a cafe having a drink the incessant bleat of a horn began to waft in from from the street. this is a common sound here, it means, "dude you double parked your car and i a can't get by you, i need to go and you are nowhere to be seen, i am getting frustrated so wake up and move your car before i have an aneurism". this was taking away attention from my reading of an opinion piece, "less form, more substance", about malaysia needing a clear plan to move the country forward economically. the author's point was that there is more than enough infrastructure here, but that people's mindsets needed to change.

as the bleating increased in tempo, the woman sitting next to me looked out the window absently. as she continued her conversation she craned her neck to see where the horning was centered. i followed her gaze and saw three cars double parked down the street. this is when she dug out her keys and slowly got up to move outside. had the people who had been sitting there for 40 minutes having a leisurely lunch really parked a car in a way that obstructed others from getting by, and simply ignored the sound of horn for the past 5 minutes?

the woman walked toward the horning, but when she saw that it was not her illegally parked car that was the obstruction, she turned and happily walked back to the air-conditioned cafe with its happily kiwi coffee culture. she came into the cafe and re-took her seat, prepared to pick the conversation up where she had left it. unfortunately western culture comes with the concept of social peer pressure, something that does not normally happen here -- other than the anonymous reporting of suspect morality lapes to JAIS.

i turned to her and said, "hi, do you have your car double parked"?

she replied, "yes, we do".

i said, "can i ask why"?

she took a beat and looked at me, but said, "we are just stopping quickly".

i have been sitting here since they came in and watched them linger over a drink before ordering, see friends come in and have a quick catch up conversation, order lunch, wait for it to be delivered, eat lunch while talking and then order another drink to lepak over.

"really, you have been here at least 40 minutes and your car has been blocking other people the whole time? does that seem fair to you?"

she looked at me with open shock on her face, "well, there is nowhere to park".

this is friday, there are prayers going on and the area is busy, but there is plenty of parking for anyone willing to use it. there is an expanded version of her short-form sentence for those who know that it is just malaysian for: "there is no free parking available, and the parking that is available would require me to walk more than 50 feet. it's hot out, i am lazy and the police are all at prayers. no one is going to give me a ticket so i can do what i want without anyone saying anything about it".

with the local lack of social peer pressure, she is right, people will get back to their car 10 minutes or more after someone starts horning, and will just wave as though they had been in the car the whole time and was moving it immediately; the standard response is to say something in an unshared vernacular language and drive by.

i said, "there is jockey parking, BV2, jollygreen and BV. plenty of parking, off street and not blocking anyone. do you think it could be better to park there or to block the streets so that no one can get by. malaysian's talk about how bad the traffic is, but it could be that it's not too few roads or too many cars, but that people block streets so no one can get by. do you think this needs to be fixed so the country can get better?"

this is a complete stranger, and maybe i have no reason to get involved or take it on myself to question her on why she is so self-important that courtesy should not be followed. except that i use these roads, and are constantly blocked by illegally parked cars; or people driving against traffic on jammed oneway streets to avoid doing a longer loop, but that is another rant. the whole country is in perpetual grid lock because some clearly have an inability to line up in an orderly way; or to follow simple rules. if you live here, you know it's not everyone, but the ones that do this do tend to drive expensive cars and have the time and money to sit is kiwi cafes.

this is when she really got mad at me. i can tell she was mad because she took the standard malaysian approach of thanking me. this of course is either learned behavior from political groups, or a deeper cultural reaction to any questions from someone you feel is not in a position to question you.

she said, "thank you for your comments". this was delivered dismissively but with a quiver of outrage.

rather than push the point, i replied "you're welcome" and smiled with my best smart-ass exclamation point.

i am far from a saint, i am willing and able to break a rule. the last time i was in the US, i was driving above the speed limit and passed a truck. in the corner of my eye i saw the driver wave to me, which i thought was interesting. i looked over and saw that he was telling me to put my cell phone down. he wanted me stop talking, and probably slow down, to make the roads safer for others. i waved back, smiled the same smile i had just given this woman and accelerated down the pike.

asian culture reinforces a shame based society. the people who are double parking have no shame for doing it. "i am just running in" is a common excuse, even if they are clearly sitting and having a meal. it's also friday afternoon, when attendees are allowed to turn major roads into parking lots if they are close to the mosque. this is used as an other-cultural excuse to park illegally, along with the desire to take 3 hour lunches. this falls into the childish category of i get to do it because he does. i was sitting there having lunch, i am not throwing rocks at the lepak, but my being there had nothing to do with anyone else.

western culture is the guilt based system. guilt is inwardly imposed controls based on the conditioning to follow the rules. it is a self-control, rather than "what would people think", we live in a "i can't, it's wrong" culture. but to keep the system honest, you occasionally need negative reinforcement in the guise of informal social control. this is where the guy in the truck came in, telling me to hang-up and stop relying on unconscious driving skills to keep me alive.

but this is what is lacking here. or so i thought. as i turned back to the paper, the next article i saw was another opinion piece, the rise of educated 'ugly malaysians', by s. sundareson a retiree who appears to be leading the charge on fixing malaysian bad habits. his examples are illegally parking, running red lights, littering, wasting things they are not paying for and not attending meetings they have RSVPed. his piece has run in both of the major english newspapers here, but i wonder if any of the ugly malaysians are listening.

i wanted to show the couple with the car illegally parked, who where still lingering over drinks 30 minutes later, the article. but i thought that would be piling on, and clearly a breach. besides, i had lost all desire try to get through. it wasn't the dismissive thank you that did it. it was a few minutes later when:

the woman's companion said, "don't be upset. do you understand mandarin? ta [something] hundan".

dude, i already know i am an asshole.

sometimes, you need to be if you are going to be honest with people who don't want honesty. the real ugliness here is that people won't say it to your face, they switch languages and assume they are covered by language. this is why there are vernacular schools, to teach people how to talk behind others back. but let's be clear...

you don't need to listen to me, but i know what you are saying.

fundamental laws

i am sitting in a cafe and watching two boys enjoying the confines of a playroom. their mothers are sitting outside and chatting over coffee. the blond boy continues to scream at the top of his lungs each time the possibly-asian playmate moves towards his toys. his american soccer mom continues to tell her son to shhhhhhhh and to move into the room to quiet his emotional outbursts. the semi-asian mom sits quietly in her headband and sweats as she and her son both politely ignore the noisy playmate. i am taking this in while watching "finding nemo" on the playroom dvd and reading a local paper to disguise my real focus.

the dominant story in the paper is over the proposed imposition of hudud laws in two of the more conservative states in malaysia. when this story first broke i assumed it was the majority party creating issues within the opposition as the general elections come closer. but if it started that way, the opposition has not been smart enough to side step the issue. PAS and DAP are now demanding the other side clarify it's position, and threats of leaving the opposition union are flaring.

the fact that hudud was passed by the states 10 years ago, and was shutdown as unconstitutional doesn't seem to matter. the advocates for this are fundamentally demanding that thieves have their hands cut off and that adulters be stoned to death. these are the mandatory punishments for these crimes in islamic law, but you can see how most of UNMO would be against their imposition. a week after the internationally positive press that ISA is being reformed, there is now a discussion of stoning people in public. you can sense the expat community, and many of the locals, cringe at the thought of universal sharia bedroom checks.

this story was placed next to the discussion of a church suicide-bombing in indonesia. the religious violence in the most populous muslim-dominant country continues to raise. the local paper stressed that the majority of the indonesian's are moderates. the international papers stressed that the country sliding down the slippery slope and again pointed out the 202 people killed 10 years ago in bali, and the muslims stoned to death by a crowd early this year. the leaders of that crowd were convicted based on the youtube video, they received 3 - 5 months in jail for murders committed with a policeman watching.

the members of the murderous crowd may have been directed by their leaders to protect their faith from less than orthodox beliefs. this could be similar to the statements made by pope benedict this weekend, saying the church could not accept gay marriage and urged young people root out evil in society and shun a "lukewarm" faith that damages the church. this is definitely a message to the non-orthodox majority of catholics, as well as those more fundamentally believing. you can imagine similar words being used to send the crowds out to stone less than acceptable muslims in indonesia.

there were other stories, bombings all over the world, conflict in nigeria, UN votes over palestine. the world economy is a complete mess, and people seem to find any reason they can to be at odds. all of this came into focus as i listened to the little boy wail with indignent pain because the other boy took the green truck and left him with only the red one. nemo was in the fish tank plotting an escape, but the boys were focused on the differences rather than coming to a common ground. the semi-asian mom sat serenely while the american mom fussed over the boys trying to solve the disruption.

this is when i came across the article, san francisco protesters: no nudes is bad news. it is a discussion of the nudist movement in the city by the bay, where they "generally allow public nudity". the malaysian newspaper did not have photos and was heavily edited from the original AP story. but did get the point across that people would like nudists in cafes to be polite and "put a cloth under their bottoms if they take a seat in public". the online version made it clear that is already the common practice.

this is a story which might only come out of san francisco, but it gives me hope. if i choose to focus on this story, i get to believe that the entire world is not degrading into conflict. the bay area has always been an early adopter and leader in cross-cultural acceptance; and cross-dressing. if soccer mom's taking their 7 year old to see the little mermaid could see the protest and simply say "i think you should cover up a little", then at least one part of the world can see something they disagree with and not need to kill the non-breeding nudist for the insult.

san francisco is a truly multi-cultural place. when malaysian leaders ask the people to modernize and become a high income nation they may not want to become san francisco, but they might want to consider it. to be truly successful we need stop the tension and allow the focus to be on success. debating lifestyles is not productivity, accepting that others are different is the progress this world needs.

when the taliban imposed fundamentalist islamic law in afghanistan they demanded women wear burqas and be escorted by male relatives outside the house. they completely shut down the economy, health care and education systems in kabul. san francisco on the other hand is one of the most successful cities in the world, it has cable cars, a great museum out on alcatraz and wonderful wine in foodie havens on the embarcadero. it also has naked guys walking around the street and moms who do not ask for anyone to be stoned to death, appendages cut off or even beaten with a stick.

the kids have stopped playing, the caucasian mom ended the playtime by taking her son into her lap and rocking him to sleep. the possibly-asian kid waited for this mom to get him, which she did when it was time to leave. i am here thinking about the US, but glad that i didn't need to worry if the last person who had this table was naked and refused to put down a cloth when they sat.

i am fighting an emotional outburst of my own right now, it's not over the newspaper or that someone took my toy. maybe i should just let go and scream, but i can't seem to break through. in the mean time, i suggest we allow others to live on the bell curve wherever they want, burqa to bare, halal to haram, let them be and don't get emotional. if you get upset, find a mom and ask her for a hug. watching that kid fall asleep was oddly soothing...

i wonder if there's a law against that.

schweddy balls

people don't really understand why i miss the US. it's not all the time, i like malaysia, in fact that might be why i am still here. there is incredible room for growth here, it is just stagnated under a culturally imposed corruption and social constriction. other than the promised to be repealed, or was that replaced, ISA and EO most of the fear in this country is self imposed. what we need here is a sense of humor, and the ability to say/do stupid things. because, sadly, that is what drives the economy.

if you don't believe me, i have an example. i was sitting in a cafe, and reading NPR when i came across the example. national public radio is a news organization in the US which is funded by the US government and it's listeners. they are tasked with being high quality and free of government interference with content. that doesn't really have impact on this story, but if MY locals are reading imagine news that lacks censorship, is not biased by any government overseers and has the freedom to report as they see the truth.

for example, try these articles:

• Malaysia To Abolish Two Unpopular Security Laws
• In Malaysia, Webs Popularity Breaks A Grip On Power
• Finding A Student Who Wasn't Lost: Social Media To The Rescue?

you might notice differences between those and articles that run in the NST or Star, beyond the quality of the writing.

as i read i came to an article titled: Stop 'Schweddy Balls' Effort Begins

the article is about an organization that says:

"Are you tired of all the negative influences our children are forced to contend with?"

and

"Our goal is to stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media (TV, music, movies, etc.)"

to further these goals they have taken a stand against ben & jerry's ice cream for its limited edition product, 'schweddy balls'. beyond the fact that its a dumb name that no child under 15 could pronounce, it's not even targeted towards children. ben & jerry's is a premium ice cream and shelved well above kids view. the press release actually points out the companies last limited edition product that the less-than million moms had an issue with:

"a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage"

and there we are. the mom's aren't seem pissed at the balls, they are still pissed at the company for failing to support "family values" and celebrating loving families that happen to have 4 balls, rather than the assumed mom accepted standard of two.

i might have taken a while to get to the point here, but here it is. all of this is happening without the national leadership condemning the impact to "social harmony".

a conservative religious group is looking to boycott a liberal-hippie company for a product that spun out a skit on saturday night live. SNL was making fun of NPR for being news of the liberal intelligentsia, which just happens to be the target market of the B&J's products. SNL is owned by GE, one of the largest companies in the world, NPR is largely government and private donation funded and no one is making a police report that tina fey told a baldwin brother she wanted to taste his balls on television.

the only coverage is about a product, and a fringe group that is calling for a boycott no one is going to engage in. a news outlet is then publishing that as news, which gives added coverage to itself and the product. the real result will be for people who haven't watched SNL at midnight on saturday since belushi left will now go out and buy a product they would never have noticed. exposure drives the economy, and humor helps drive that exposure. having semi-stars make fun of a radio network my daughter gets a headache from listening to is not news until someone without a sense of humor makes an issue of it for them.

what is it that i miss about the US? it could be the lack of censorship, definitely the lack of ISA and RELA, but really what i miss is a sense of humor. in the US they get to laugh at the skit, at the ice cream, at the repressed moms for the press release and at the NPR for picking up the story. i asked a few malaysians around me to try to pronounce the title, they looked shyly away and said "i don't know". come on, you need to try say it, its all about the

schweddy balls.

having reservations

i have been noticing more and more tables with reserved signs on them. it seems that all restaurants here were given their reserved signs by visa, because they use the same ones all over town. i walked into a popular dinner place last night and saw half the tables in the place with these signs, this morning it was the same for our coffee place. what is going on here, do we have a new trend going on in KL? this has always been a reserved town, but now more and more of the town has been set aside.

one of the things i have also noticed is that the expat-anglo community eats earlier than the local community. but the strange thing is that tables here are reserved from the start of a shift until the party comes. this translates to early eaters not being given a table because later eaters have called ahead. reservations are not completely unknown here the higher end places have always required them, and with the puasa season coming we will all be seeing more tables that are exclusive.

tables being reserved all night are based on two cultural elements. the first is the malaysian standard of all night lepak, once a group has a table they stay. even if they are not ordering food, they are comfortable to relax, using the table as a public meeting place. the second is that malaysians have trouble getting to meetings on time. this means if they agree to meet for dinner at 7, they might show up at 8 or even later. having restaurants run on western reservations would required people to both get there on time, and leave the table so the next guest can be seated.

when i first got to malaysia, i loved the linger at the table culture. it was nice to not be rushed, but it's not something i need every night. most nights, i would give up the ability to hangout at a table for the chance to be seated in the first place. in the west, you can ask for a table and agree to give it up later. they might tell you, "we need the table in 90 mins, if you can be done by 9, we can give you the table". if this works they squeeze you in.

but with the simple structures here, you are out of luck. the restaurants only have elementary scheduling, and much of the staff would not be able to negotiate or communicate a more flexible set of rules. there are other places to go, but if you really wanted that pesto-chicken sandwich and don't want to tau pow, you are simply out of luck.

why do more people seem to be making reservations? i think it's three-fold:

1. more people are eating beyond the hawker/mamak stalls
2. fewer people are willing to be told they have to wait
3. malaysia has yet to outgrown it's legacy of lepak

the first two points indicate a growing middle class, with the related bourgeoisie expectations. the third point does not mean people just want to hang out, it means restaurant owners are not yet willing to require tables to be turned multiple times a night. this will be coming when staff costs are raised by minimum wage. other changes that are on the way are socially-required tipping, and requiring guests to show up on time for a reservation. all of this is part of the exit from the third world, and the entry into the competitive environment of the first.

this morning, i walked into our favorite coffee place to see all the tables either taken or reserved. we looked at each other and started to discuss other places to go. we had been talking about the grilled blueberry muffins since we woke up but there was always formerly-favorite pancakes if we needed to go there.

the waiter was listening to us discuss options, he had a strange look on his face as he said, "do you want a table?". i said, "sure, if you can find us one". he took us to our favorite table and removed the reserved sign. we sat down and smiled as the owner came over to say hello.

i asked him how far ahead you need to call for reservations, he said, "a day ahead, but you can just come in." i smiled at him and said thanks. it's good to know you are a valued guest. this treatment will not be available everywhere. it was not expected, we saw the signs and prepared to leave. but it is good to make friends, and if they are willing to help you, then enjoy.

how did it happen? it might be related to already working under western rules; while others are acting like the world around them is not changing. moving economically westward puts the more western in a good place. if you treat staff well, leave when you are done and always leave a tip ... it pays off.

sometimes not having reservations about the first world is the best way to go.

rubbing buddha

people really don't believe that i do not see myself as too big. i live in a size-obsessed culture where small is expected. it's like the anti-texas here, the PR line would be "everything is smaller in asia". expected is not really a fair way to say this, but husbands can emotionally abuse their beautiful wives if they add a few pounds, while they are keeping thinly strange on the side. like many things in asia, there is a dualism that makes "big" a pejorative as well as an ideal that drives many people to rub the buddha.

yesterday i was getting out of my car to go to an appointment with non-standard malaysians, i was going to spend the next 4 hours semi-publicly exposed and taking multiple forms of abuse. as i was collecting my things a tattooed guy in a hat walked up to me and asked if we were going to the same place. we had a short conversation, and as he walked away he touched my stomach. this used to seem strange, but now i know its just asians way of making a connection. a strange and unsettling one that breaks multiple social taboos.

last year i was walking in beijing, semi-lost in the hutongs of the old city. as i passed a storefront a chinese guy standing in the doorway looked at me and smiled. i hesitatingly smiled back, sensing he was saying something without using words, but not sure i was following the chinese-to-english conversion. as i passed, he must of understood i had missed his point so he used the limited english he appeared to have and said, "ooohhhhhhhhh budddddhhhhaaaaaa". i decided to take it as a complement and kept moving, i glanced back as he smiled and waved. too strange.

but not as strange as the physical contact i have grudgingly become used to. i learned early that in asian culture commenting on someone's weight is acceptable. to be honest i have been called fat in the US, like years ago when a guy selling me running shoes told me, "these are great for the heavy runner". but here in asia, not only am i now used to people passing me a business card for their weight-loss company, i am now used to having my belly rubbed by complete strangers.

this has happened in vietnam, china, malaysia and indonesia. i am not sure if there is a strong buddhist connection, because it has happened in hindu and muslim countries. i don't think its religion, it appears to be pan-asian. men come up to me and touch my stomach. i would be more confortable if they were women, but that would most likely only happen in thailand, and that might be another version of rubbing the buddha entirely.

if i were in the US i would be more concerned, here it feels more like a greeting of respect. its still unsettling every time it happens, but it feels like the other person is bowing to royalty or kissing the godfather's ring. okay both of those sound strange too. it's odd, but then it hit me when i am standing in a store and some guy walks up to me says "oh buddha" and touches my belly, they are tapping into some cultural roots.

from wiki we learn:

budai (布袋; meaning cloth-sack) is traditionally depicted as a fat bald man wearing a robe and wearing/carrying prayer beads. he carries his few possessions in a cloth sack, being poor but content. he is often depicted entertaining children. in folklore he is admired for his happiness, plenitude, and wisdom of contentment and it is believed that rubbing his belly brings wealth, good luck, and prosperity.

happy, shaved, overachieving waist-wise, carrying a bag and smiling; i can see the resemblance. and the new realization that they are not making a move on me in public is reassuring. it's now clear they are simply re-enacting a deeply meaningful cultural belief. it feels good to be identified so strongly with a positive cultural icon. but that brings the question into focus, why are so many people here committed to the less is more camp of life.

happy buddha is a sign of living a good life and is good luck to those who get close. if he is so positive is so many ways, why is the "small is beautiful" camp the only one with support here. you would think the bigger side would have supporters. there are times when less is more, but come on big is beautiful. where is the cultural support for this? why is the thin conformity of the culture so unquestioned?

embrace the plenitude and the wisdom of contentment. stop worrying that you are reaching for someone else's rice bowl, life is better with desert. be asian, keep some of your boundaries and don't think can just reach out and touch any rounded belly you see, but if you find yourself needing some good luck go ahead...

rub the buddha and see if you get lucky.

teaching frustation

what is is about a quiet day on the beach that makes me want to rant about lack of fairness? never-mind, that is rhetorical. it's just one man expressing his freedom of speech to talk about things that frustrate him. that is the sign of a good life isn't it? the ability to tell people you are frustrated. the ability to release the stress and relax.

a few weeks ago i was on a week long trip to a city that i hate. the trip was planned, cancelled, re-planned and finally re-set to a different week. the build up to the trip was one of pending frustration. but the reality was that the frustration never actually came. there were moments that teetered on the edge of a tipping point, but gravity was on my side and we came out unscathed. i spent the final night of the trip nursing a growing head cold while sitting in a hot bathtub. i thought i would make it out of the country without issue.

it wasn't a major issue, but i did learn something about china. all was good until checking-in at the airport. we were there early and i got a chance to sit next to a group of malays returning home after a family trip. sitting on the floor in the airport we talked about life in KL and why they would want to travel to china. they kept apologizing for not having better english, after 5 years in their country i was the one that should be apologizing.

as i checked in and watched my bag go through the scanner, i saw the alarm lights flash rejecting my bags and forcing me to step over the barrier to open my bag. the airline crew suggested they were looking for lighters or aerosol cans that could explode, being a no smoker with no need for hair spray i thought i was in the clear. thats when we found the baton i had in my bag.

the baton is something i have based on age. as i have gotten older, and considering some of the places i allow myself to go, i thought it might be a good idea to have a way to even the odds. i have been questioned about this in the past, but honestly it is purely an insurance policy and not something i really have any need to reach for on a regular basis. to keep the story short, china disagreed with my having it in my bag, i countered that i was leaving the country and was someone else's issue but as we all know, rules are rules in china and they have no ability to see beyond them.

as i walked from ticketing, through passport and security control, into starbucks, past the information booth and finally into the lounge i asked every chinese person i saw, "what is the chinese word for frustration". not a single one of them could tell me the word. they looked at me blankly and had a odd face on. i first thought they simply had been trained to not say or experience the word frustration, one more of the regime's blacklisted terms of censorship gone amok. but it seems that its worse than that, they really did not know the word.

when i got into the lounge, i asked for the word, three women standing there did not know. they asked me to spell it, and used a local translation site to convert the english to mandarin. still they did not know the word. they talked among themselves and finally shook their heads. they asked me to explain the word, which i tried to do. i was frustrated in my attempt, they did not understand the concept.

using wikipedia as a source, we find the definition:

frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. the greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. causes of frustration may be internal or external. in people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations.

using google translate to get the chinese you get 挫折 or 挫败 both of which when brought back to english translate as "defeat". so here is the question, do they not teach these words, or do they not have the culturally emotional framework to feel anger and disappointment from resistance to individual will?

yes, i am frustrated that a badly dressed, sadly under bathed, low-level bureaucrat was able to take what i considered a personal possession. i do not see logic of taking something from a checked bag, enforcing a rule as i exit the country (i would have understood on entry), and dislike that there were no options or discussion on the matter. following a stupid rule quietly has never been natural for me, it's frustrating and i would expect others to see that.

it's okay. i know at least one other person there felt frustration. as i continued to try to debate it, the security manager took the baton and threw it in the trash. he started to turn to walk away, but i did not like the way he believed it was the end of the conversation. i also did not want to get maced and taken to a room where i would need to request a visit by the embassy or maybe human rights watch, so i was careful to keep my arms at my side and not move. i did what any parent would tell their kid to do, "use your words".

so as he turned away i said, "you know it's behavior like this that makes someone want a stick to hit someone else in the head with".

he stopped, turned and glared at me. i smiled and started to pack my bag back up. i think i may have taught him a new emotion, he was in that moment frustrated that he could not take my baton and smack me over the head.

it feels good to help others learn.

patik botak

a few days ago, i heard someone declare the ruling class was nearing the end of it's 50+ years of dominance. they believed the time had come for the rakat to over throw the scoundrels and replace them with a new generation of actual leaders. as i was driving yesterday, i ruminated on the possibility. but, how does this country find leadership when anyone coming up the ranks has been born and raised to believe the current environment is the only reality this country can ever hope for. the levels of apathy and acceptance that i see here is the single most frustrating thing about living in the country. it's enough for me to consider throwing my hat into the ring.

first of all, i am at a disadvantage to be elected. but i do have qualifications, i have degrees in political science and finance. i have been a successful entrepreneur and run multi-national corporations. i have travelled and have worked with public and private sector organizations, building and growing organizations. but best of all, i am the ultimate outsider. i was not raised in the shadow of corruption, i do not have a father or uncles who are part of the old guard. i am doing this because i want to see things get better, and i am shocked no one else is willing to stand up.

beyond needing to polish up the story of growing up grandson of immigrants, under-privileged but motivated to succeed, product of mixed religion and believing in fairness over privilege, what i really need is a platform. the list of things i will focus my administration on correcting when we come to into office. they need to be simple and attainable, but they need to make an impact. yet another economic plan that is 10 years out and destined to fail is not what this candidacy is all about. we need to make real change happen.

the plan is simple and it's all about fairness:

1. free and fair elections - no reason to march, i agree, one man/one vote
2. freeze spending on religion - no spending on mosques until we decide if we want spending on all religions or none. spending public funds on just one isn't fair
3. merit based education - scholarships will go to the best students, ties will be settled by lottery
4. education loans, not gifts - students who study abroad and don't return will have their parents prepared to pay off the loans. no more special treatment for the elite.
5. eliminate tariffs on cars, autos, sports equipment - no need for middle income country to pay 3 times more for items than other countries
6. help companies hire and train staff - lets help college graduates find jobs and get job experience
7. eliminate special contracts - why should taxpayers pay more than needed for programs. contracts that remain should be open to review.
8. report politicians income - i will open up my income statement, and expect everyone else who runs to do the same. its a crime no one else has suggested this, and tells you they are hiding the graft they have enjoyed.
9. allow freedom of speech - eliminate ISA and remove political pressure from media. let people say how frustrated they are so we can fix things
10. encourage green space - we have so much beautiful space, why are the homes on top of each other. let the kids run and play on some grass.
11. increase public spending on arts - music, dance, fine arts are important. beauty is good.
12. increase spending on education - help the next generation to learn and compete in the world economy, help the country grow and prosper, the current direction must be fixed
13. provide one set of laws to everyone - to be fair, everyone must have a single set of civil laws. religion, class, income and position are no longer ways to avoid fairness.
14. allow marriage without conversion - allow people to love each other without making it about what religion they are (this is the norm in most of the world, including arab countries)

it's a simple plan. it shocks me that a conservative asian country spends so much time talking about who is the man in a video tape that so few people have seen. it shocks me that an opposition leaders spend so much time defending themselves, but never talk about policy. ruling party spends so much time reminding people they had nothing to do with the leaking of a tape or the making of an allegation, but don't come forward and admit corruption and privilege is part of the reason the country is stuck in the middle income trap.

my position is simple, let's really fix things not just talk about it. you can vote for patik botak, or you can run yourself. step up and help fix things, you can even use my platform if you want. if you do i would be happy to vote for you. i would expect others to vote for you too. there are only two things wrong.

first, i don't get a vote here. second, no one else seems to be asking politicians to come up with a plan or to demand fairness. british divide and rule is still dominant and expected. why would politicians improve if no one tells them that they should?

vote for me, patik botak. adil untuk semua.

being good

a few weeks ago i woke up in a hotel room and wondered how i had gotten there. as i laid in bed and felt the soft sheets around me i knew i was not home, but i did not remember where i was. i was alone, i was happy and i had a simple night before, spending the night at a friends wedding then returning to the room to read a book in the bath. it might sound boring, but it was the night i wanted to have if i was being good.

being good is something that is subjective. those two little words can mean completely different things. i am sure the asians sitting around me as i type this have as many views on what it means as there are people in the room. the malay guy with the shaved head, intense stare and tattoos might disagree with the malay girl at the register whose name means abstinence. then again, maybe they completely agree but i doubt they would both admit it.

that afternoon i was waiting for my car at jockey parking after lunch. there was a little malay boy standing near me. he was with his mother who was waiting for her car. as we waited, he noticed me and looked at his mother. he pointed to my tattoo, and she shooshed him a bit embarrassed that i had seen the exchange. they were clearly upper-class, and i assumed were exposed to the more cosmopolitan sides of KL. i assumed this based on location, dress and the fact that this kid was openly cheeky, not the average shy (if not functionally mute) malay kid.

this is when the kid dropped his water bottle on the ground and kicked it towards me. mom was horrified, and apologized as i picked it up and handed it back to her. i told her it was not an issue, and said hi to the kid. she handed him the bottle and he stepped closer to allow his little arm to hurl the bottle directly at me. this was the moment i knew i liked him.

we had a few more minutes of mom trying to suppress this kids clearly natural behavior. he threw the bottle, kicked it and laughed the entire time. the fact that i was smiling and laughing at him might have added fuel to the fire, but i think he was capable of this without my encouragement. my car came first, as i got in i heard the mom say the still strange, "say good bye to uncle". as i turned i saw him watching me from behind his mothers legs. i waved and said, "be good". i saw him smile with that same twinkle in his eye my grandmother used to talk about. i wondered if he understood exactly how i meant the advice.

as i drove home i was thinking about this kid and what he will mean to the country. he and the other kids in malaysia are the future. the country is changing, becoming much less shy, at least here in KL. the children are the next generation to come into power, if they do not all leave as part of the talent diaspora, they will be the ones demanding the ability to be themselves. is the country ready for the future behavior of this less than shy generation.

when i got home i walked into the elevator and on the next floor up a chinese family came in. they had a kid of about the same age with them. he had a french school shirt on, so i said, "bonjour monsieur" to him. he smiled and laughed at me. we had a short conversation until we got to their floor, as they got out he waved to me and i said "be good". this was not the same encouragement as before because i didn't see any of the natural readiness to challenge in him, but it may have been more subtle advice. as the doors closed i heard him say to his parents, "that is a nice man". i wondered how many people agree with that.

when it comes to being good, i know i do not agree with the people around me. being good includes being yourself and using your skills. if you have the ability to think or be different then being good is exercising those abilities. in this case, less is not more. working hard to allow yourself to be as good as you can is easier and more fun than working to suppress your natural self.

as i think back on when i came to believe this i keep hearing coach toppa say, "look good, feel good, be good". being good for that group meant going out and beating another team into submission. it meant competition and success, it did not mean gentle or shy discussion. toppa taught us that "three, three, tackle to tackle" anything was allowed. this is a box around the ball where the substance of the game happens, its where most people ignore because its messy and active, but this is the box that i learned to be good within.

here is too hoping these kids find a way to get out of their box, and to be good while they are within it.

talking racism

i walked into my new favorite breakfast place and the owner came over to me to say they were reversing their reversal and would now cook an egg a second way. this made me happy, because it was good to see something change for the better. while thanking him, he said thank you to me in return. his point was that i needed to tell them what i wanted, so they could change.

when my special order was brought over the women at the table next to me asked me what i was having. i told them, they laughed and told me the same thing had happened to them last week, and announced the next time they came in they would order the same thing because it looked so good. the table next to them was listening in on our conversation and called the waitress over to see what i was eating. a movement has begun, welcome to the breakfast sandwich revolution. it all started with someone asking for something to change, and those in power to listen and respond. the happiness is spreading.

as i was enjoying my coffee and surfing wikipedia, i heard the women at the table next to me mention my company by name. i leaned over and asked if i had heard correctly. i had and the simple question turned into a 20 minute conversation. one of the women had spent three years in the US, and is now struggling back in her native country. she talked about the culture shock of returning and brought up how hard it is to live within a racist country. this is a common conversation here, people talk about it openly, but it's bollocks and it would help if they stopped talking about one thing when they mean another.

american's have a reputation around the world as being simplistic and rude. we are made fun of because we do not travel outside our country and do not understand the world. the political system in the US is contentious, but it is also stable and effective. our government is passed back and forth between the parties, and even when we have election issues like the ballet crisis in florida that elected bush, the system works. the parties use division, but it is less and less about race; or only indirectly.

american politics are about religion and economics. the GOP is seen as the party of the fundamentalist religious right, they are for small government, low taxes, and would like to use christian values to direct the country. the democrats are on the left, they are the party of the working man, suspicious of big business, believe government should be used to protect those least able to protect themselves. at times this has been portrayed as the white business man against his workers of color, but those days are gladly disappearing. the courts helped to wash that away, enforcing the equality and freedom of stupidity guaranteed by our constitution.

my hippie parents were a great example of working class amercians. they came of age during the 50s and 60s, they have lived through the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll years that were part of the amercian social upheaval. my father worked and socialized with friends across color, religion and economic boundaries. i remember him waving to a person on the street, and then under his breath saying something rude; drunk-bastard, stupid-wop, nigger all passed his lips over the years. did this make him a racist? he would say he was just calling a spade a spade.

when i dated an african american in high school he pulled me aside and warned me it was going to be hard. the thing was, he was right, it was harder than normal. we had social differences, and they didn't make connecting any easier.

dad could use harsh words, but he could also open his doors to people of all colors. i remember sitting at thanksgiving dinner next to a man who scared me most of the year. his name was sherwood, he was a neighborhood alcoholic who could get mean when he drank. as kids, we knew to give him a wide birth while he was drinking. when i asked my father why he was coming to dinner, my dad looked over and reminded me that sherwood had no one else to have dinner with. he told me that no matter how little we had, we needed to help those who had less than us. race didn't matter, we would help those around us regardless of color or lifestyle. this doesn't sound racist to me, it is advice everyone should get from their father.

as i look at malaysia, i don't see racism. i see people trying to live their lives. i see self-imposed or socially-supported segregation all over, but at least in my MNC world, there is little open hatred or hostility. the social rules, enforced by the asian shame culture are the root of the evil here, and people have little capacity to honestly question it. segregation happens with the practice of endogamy, enforcement of semi-halal rules, and educating children in religious or language segregated schools to ensure they are indoctrinated into a foreign culture. these all happen at the expense of creating a single culture, and is universally accepted as proper.

the US has a program of affirmative action, meant to protect the rights of minorities and level the playing field. for the past 50 years it has been illegal to "discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of sex, race, creed, color, or national origin". affirmative action was at times implemented as quotas, but in the past decade that was rolled back because it unfairly selected minority candidates over the majority. much like affirmative action rules all over the world, the issues in malaysia are not truly about race, they are about preferences that help some at the expense of others.

last week, local newspapers had coverage of 100 ethnic indians being arrested, and more threatened with water cannons, for attempting to march against a book called "interlok" being added to the school curriculum. the book includes a plot line of indians coming to malaysia 60 years ago, and bringing their cultural standards such as caste system with them. having been here 5 years, i can tell you the caste system is still echoing in the indian culture. is it racist to have a book written in a different time point out the realities of that time? someone here should read "to kill a mocking bird", a book that helped white amercia come to terms with itself.

last week the newspapers also had coverage of a debate on stopping the practice of asking for race on applications. this is not just for employment, it is done on almost all applications in the country, not really a shock for a country that lists religion on your identity card (IC). but honestly, if you had a stack of applications with names like "adbul", "ganish", "chew" and "fernandez" would it be difficult for you to select based on "racism"? more importantly than not asking, make sure it does not matter. a level playing field is the only way to do that, and for it to be level, there should not be teams competing with referees who care who wins able swing the game.

i live and work around malays, chinese, indians, japanese, iranian, egyptian, burmese, indonesians and koreans and an assortment of other expats. i see mixed marriages of all sorts, those that work well and those that do not. i watch groups of people at tables all over this country and see the high level of mixing that takes place. i also see many more tables that are a single race. but those are self-imposed choice, not a conspiracy of racism that malaysians talk about.

if malaysian's don't like their political parties that are divided by race and unified by the political segregation, they should change it. there is no lack of talk about it, but nothing happens because they are taught to stay in their correct place and do what the society expects. this is the heart of living within a shame society:

shame is a reaction to ... our failure to live up to our obligations and the expectations others have of us. in true shame oriented cultures, every person has a place and a duty in the society. one maintains self-respect, not by choosing what is good rather than what is evil, but by choosing what is expected.

if there is racism here, it is that each group refuses to give up the expectations they have for those in their own group. it is not driven by the other groups, but by each of the groups within itself. there is no cultural agreement on "one malaysia" because there is no single set of rules. imagine the stadium in bukit jalil, with four different sports being played at one time, and each team pointing to each other and complaining they are not being treated fairly because they do not have enough of the field.

my father the plain talking, and obnoxious, american would have looked at this and shook his head. he might have said, "this is an useless as a tit on a bull"... i can imagine three cultures offended by that johnism, but with typical self-imposed segregation i doubt they could agree on the word that was offensive.

malaysia is not racist, but it is also not multicultural, if so it really would be 1Malaysia.

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multiculturalism has come to mean the advocacy of extending equitable status to distinct ethnic and religious groups without promoting any specific ethnic, religious, and/or cultural community values as central.

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