talking racism

i walked into my new favorite breakfast place and the owner came over to me to say they were reversing their reversal and would now cook an egg a second way. this made me happy, because it was good to see something change for the better. while thanking him, he said thank you to me in return. his point was that i needed to tell them what i wanted, so they could change.

when my special order was brought over the women at the table next to me asked me what i was having. i told them, they laughed and told me the same thing had happened to them last week, and announced the next time they came in they would order the same thing because it looked so good. the table next to them was listening in on our conversation and called the waitress over to see what i was eating. a movement has begun, welcome to the breakfast sandwich revolution. it all started with someone asking for something to change, and those in power to listen and respond. the happiness is spreading.

as i was enjoying my coffee and surfing wikipedia, i heard the women at the table next to me mention my company by name. i leaned over and asked if i had heard correctly. i had and the simple question turned into a 20 minute conversation. one of the women had spent three years in the US, and is now struggling back in her native country. she talked about the culture shock of returning and brought up how hard it is to live within a racist country. this is a common conversation here, people talk about it openly, but it's bollocks and it would help if they stopped talking about one thing when they mean another.

american's have a reputation around the world as being simplistic and rude. we are made fun of because we do not travel outside our country and do not understand the world. the political system in the US is contentious, but it is also stable and effective. our government is passed back and forth between the parties, and even when we have election issues like the ballet crisis in florida that elected bush, the system works. the parties use division, but it is less and less about race; or only indirectly.

american politics are about religion and economics. the GOP is seen as the party of the fundamentalist religious right, they are for small government, low taxes, and would like to use christian values to direct the country. the democrats are on the left, they are the party of the working man, suspicious of big business, believe government should be used to protect those least able to protect themselves. at times this has been portrayed as the white business man against his workers of color, but those days are gladly disappearing. the courts helped to wash that away, enforcing the equality and freedom of stupidity guaranteed by our constitution.

my hippie parents were a great example of working class amercians. they came of age during the 50s and 60s, they have lived through the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll years that were part of the amercian social upheaval. my father worked and socialized with friends across color, religion and economic boundaries. i remember him waving to a person on the street, and then under his breath saying something rude; drunk-bastard, stupid-wop, nigger all passed his lips over the years. did this make him a racist? he would say he was just calling a spade a spade.

when i dated an african american in high school he pulled me aside and warned me it was going to be hard. the thing was, he was right, it was harder than normal. we had social differences, and they didn't make connecting any easier.

dad could use harsh words, but he could also open his doors to people of all colors. i remember sitting at thanksgiving dinner next to a man who scared me most of the year. his name was sherwood, he was a neighborhood alcoholic who could get mean when he drank. as kids, we knew to give him a wide birth while he was drinking. when i asked my father why he was coming to dinner, my dad looked over and reminded me that sherwood had no one else to have dinner with. he told me that no matter how little we had, we needed to help those who had less than us. race didn't matter, we would help those around us regardless of color or lifestyle. this doesn't sound racist to me, it is advice everyone should get from their father.

as i look at malaysia, i don't see racism. i see people trying to live their lives. i see self-imposed or socially-supported segregation all over, but at least in my MNC world, there is little open hatred or hostility. the social rules, enforced by the asian shame culture are the root of the evil here, and people have little capacity to honestly question it. segregation happens with the practice of endogamy, enforcement of semi-halal rules, and educating children in religious or language segregated schools to ensure they are indoctrinated into a foreign culture. these all happen at the expense of creating a single culture, and is universally accepted as proper.

the US has a program of affirmative action, meant to protect the rights of minorities and level the playing field. for the past 50 years it has been illegal to "discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of sex, race, creed, color, or national origin". affirmative action was at times implemented as quotas, but in the past decade that was rolled back because it unfairly selected minority candidates over the majority. much like affirmative action rules all over the world, the issues in malaysia are not truly about race, they are about preferences that help some at the expense of others.

last week, local newspapers had coverage of 100 ethnic indians being arrested, and more threatened with water cannons, for attempting to march against a book called "interlok" being added to the school curriculum. the book includes a plot line of indians coming to malaysia 60 years ago, and bringing their cultural standards such as caste system with them. having been here 5 years, i can tell you the caste system is still echoing in the indian culture. is it racist to have a book written in a different time point out the realities of that time? someone here should read "to kill a mocking bird", a book that helped white amercia come to terms with itself.

last week the newspapers also had coverage of a debate on stopping the practice of asking for race on applications. this is not just for employment, it is done on almost all applications in the country, not really a shock for a country that lists religion on your identity card (IC). but honestly, if you had a stack of applications with names like "adbul", "ganish", "chew" and "fernandez" would it be difficult for you to select based on "racism"? more importantly than not asking, make sure it does not matter. a level playing field is the only way to do that, and for it to be level, there should not be teams competing with referees who care who wins able swing the game.

i live and work around malays, chinese, indians, japanese, iranian, egyptian, burmese, indonesians and koreans and an assortment of other expats. i see mixed marriages of all sorts, those that work well and those that do not. i watch groups of people at tables all over this country and see the high level of mixing that takes place. i also see many more tables that are a single race. but those are self-imposed choice, not a conspiracy of racism that malaysians talk about.

if malaysian's don't like their political parties that are divided by race and unified by the political segregation, they should change it. there is no lack of talk about it, but nothing happens because they are taught to stay in their correct place and do what the society expects. this is the heart of living within a shame society:

shame is a reaction to ... our failure to live up to our obligations and the expectations others have of us. in true shame oriented cultures, every person has a place and a duty in the society. one maintains self-respect, not by choosing what is good rather than what is evil, but by choosing what is expected.

if there is racism here, it is that each group refuses to give up the expectations they have for those in their own group. it is not driven by the other groups, but by each of the groups within itself. there is no cultural agreement on "one malaysia" because there is no single set of rules. imagine the stadium in bukit jalil, with four different sports being played at one time, and each team pointing to each other and complaining they are not being treated fairly because they do not have enough of the field.

my father the plain talking, and obnoxious, american would have looked at this and shook his head. he might have said, "this is an useless as a tit on a bull"... i can imagine three cultures offended by that johnism, but with typical self-imposed segregation i doubt they could agree on the word that was offensive.

malaysia is not racist, but it is also not multicultural, if so it really would be 1Malaysia.

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multiculturalism has come to mean the advocacy of extending equitable status to distinct ethnic and religious groups without promoting any specific ethnic, religious, and/or cultural community values as central.

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planning distraction

i had a trip planned a few weeks ago, but it was cancelled at the last minute. this has left a space of freedom in my near future, and the sound of "mind the gap" has been heard deep in the coming trouble areas of my subconscience. i can sense the train is coming, but i am questioning if this is the station i should be in. i feel like i should be somewhere else, the english country side, safely tucked in, rather i have this image of the train station scene of american werewolf in london. could it be that a bad moon arising?

i am sitting in my third cafe of the day, waiting for a salted beef and thinking about what i am going to do with myself when i am left to my own devices. i thought about another quick trip, to a beach to listen to the waves, but i also have an invitation to a wedding. it's strange that someone else's commitment has an impact on my freedom of movement and expression. rather than digging for my swimsuit, i am considering the need to dry clean my other new suit from vietnam.

even if i do know what i would rather be doing, there are limits to the amount of distraction one can enjoy in a short time. rather than two weekends, i have two peri-weekend nights that i may or may not have fully free. if recent history holds true, both of these nights will have other commitments which i might want to blow-off, but will elect to be a good boy and do the right thing. what was that saying in the shining? all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

dull boy i have become, i should be able to plan distractions for myself and i am not able to do it. i can imagine it, i have the playful and cheeky side to exercise, but i can not visualize the end result. i can hear the philosopher/golfer in caddy shack, ty webb, giving me the advice "be the ball"... wait how does that entire quote go?

ty webb: I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

maybe thats the advice i need, stop thinking and just let things happen. no, how can that be a good idea. to enjoy life you need to plan right? i just need to figure out what it is that i want.

i know, i am going to go to the video store and hope they have what i really need. movies with jack, chevy chase, bill murray. in addition to the ones above that sound like a great way to hide at home, maybe i can add in stripes, and if god loves me, fletch. i am not sure why i feel such an urge for movies from the 80's about wiseass guys being annoying to those around them, but clearly i am. if i can't find these movies, i must have a copy of road trip at home already.

yeah, those are the distractions i need. it's good to have a plan.

anti-po service

i left the house today looking forward to breakfast, and some quiet time to write. there is a new cafe in bangsar that i have been to 4 times over two week-ends. the place is run by two expats, and have brought a non-malaysian coffee culture to my adopted haunt. i have been very happy with the new menu, the flexibility of the owners and the culture they are bringing to a location that is feeling more dated by the week. too bad all the good may not last.

antipodean sits next to the aging la bodega in telawi. even the name is a hint to the background of the owners, two kiwis who are attempting to bring a new cultural spin to a poorly copied food and beverage scene in KL. a cafe that roasts its own coffee daily and can correctly make a ristretto was not uncommon in the US of 20 years ago, but is long long over due here. well trained and energetic staff, with owners who seem to always be close by help make this a stand out new location for those who grudgingly accept poor service as the norm.

the menu is a nice mix of all day breakfast items that go far beyond the "english breakfast" norm and light cafe fare designed with a playful sense of balanced fusion. the food is simple, but sports freshness and quality of ingredients that stands apart. it is also presented with a sense of style that reminds one why nouvelle cuisine works at all levels, even in the cafe.

the two best things about the place have been the fact that they are non-halal, meaning i can have pork with my banana pancakes, and that they are flexible and focused on customer service. last week i asked one of the owners if they could make me a breakfast sandwich on croissant. to do this, they needed to take one of the menu items and convert the eggs from scrambled to "over easy". this would let me pick the croissant up and eat it the way my mother used to make.

the breakfast sandwich was one of longest lived craving items from the time when i first came here. mcdonalds has pseudo-mcmuffins, but the chicken sausage takes any enjoyment of breakfast away, so i have long ago stopped looking for a sandwich during breakfast. when the owner said, "sure, no problem, we can do that" and sent it over, i was in heaven. i knew i had found a new place to call home.

this morning i tried to replicate the experience. a few minutes after ordering the other owner came over and said, "i have some good news, and some bad news". which was a polite way of saying he had bad news. the kitchen, as he explained, was not able to cook an egg any way other than scrambled without falling into chaos. yesterday, people had come in and asked for eggs other ways but hard boiled had come out soft, soft boiled had come out wrong. rather than helping me enjoy home, i was back into the standard malaysian environment of "the good news is we do it one way, even if it isn't the way you want it".

i said okay, finished my tea, and packed to leave. i moved over into bodega after i decided that if i was going to be disappointed by food options i might as well have better music. some how, moving to a place that never offered to be different or to provide great customer service seemed better than having it offered and then taken away.

antipodeans are the people who live on the opposite side of the world. only 4% of the worlds land mass has an antipode. new zealand and malaysia are both those that do, but it is uncommon. this cafe opened with the promise of being equally uncommon, having quality, creativity and service. sliding into a lowered customer service because staff is not capable of cooking an egg other way than a single way, is the slippery slope to be as mediocre as the competitors.

go and have a coffee, try the orange/lime soda or the very good french toast. talk to the barrista or the owners and get to know why small coffee shops are a welcome change from the corporate caffeine giants. support these guys and hope that the trend of better quality F&B continues the recent trend in KL. but when you go, do me a favor, ask them to be flexible and teach their staff to make an egg more than one way.

the world should not always be scrambled, trust me and try it "over easy".

self driven

i was driving home the other night and looked over to see someone being chauffeured in a hyundai. because i also drive a hyundai, and are still regularly asked if i drive myself, i began to think about why someone would need a driver and what it says about the country where so many people expect that i would want one.

when i first came to malaysia, i took a cab to the hotel close to my meetings, then another into KL for a weekend of site-seeing. that was the end of my being driven in this country. while wandering around KL, i bought a map at a book store. next i rented a car and began to find my way around. a drive from cyberjaya to nilai, my first long drive on the highway while sitting in what had always been the "passenger seat", reminded me of the first long drive i did solo while a teenager. both trips were a rite of passage of sorts, moments of self imposed fear that allowed me to confront the emotion and take control of my independence.

i have a friend of a friend here who is over 40 and does not have a license to drive. he gets around on public transit and through the good will of others. this is really not as uncommon as i first thought. i can quickly come up with a list of people i know here who began to drive in their thirties, or are "getting ready to start driving". even the people who do drive frequently say "sorry, i can't go there, i do not know my way". being able to find your way, without requiring someone else to lead, is what being self driven is all about.

i used to stop into an expat coffeeshop on the way to the office. occasionally a black van would pull up outside and a pretty chinese woman about 30 would get out. she did not come in alone, there were always two guys who did not smile and took up protective positions at the front and back of the cafe as she was ordering. when she left, they would quietly follow and load themselves back into the van with blacked out windows. the driver who had been standing next to the van watching the street outside was the last to get in before they pulled away.

the second or third time i witnessed this, one of the baristas leaned over and whispered to me, "do you know who that is"? when he gave me a name, i had never heard it. then he said, "her father owns mid-valley, they are afraid she is going to be kidnapped, so she as a driver and guards". this is definitely a reason i can understand. but i wonder how many of the people with drivers are in a situation like this? maybe, they just want people to think they are.

asking why malaysian's have drivers i was told it's not the driving, but the parking that is the issue. given the state of parking here, i see some of the logic behind this. but you would think that after paying 3 times more for a car than it would cost in a country not using protectionist tariff policy to give jobs to proton workers, paying the added cost for jockey parking would not be a deal breaker. doing some quick math, i guess i spend an extra RM 200 (USD 65) on jockey parking a month. a driver would cost me 10 - 20 times that. jockey parking to save time and money, it might be a challenging idea, but only for the math-illiterate.

when i think of the conspicuous consumption of having a driver in the US, i think of mr. big, the role model who is carrie's soulmate in sex and the city. having a full time driver in the NYC will easily cost USD 200K a year. having so many of the scenes with big and carrie in his car is a constant reminder of his wealth and status. seeing big roll down the window is really enough, but having him say, "change of plans jimmy, let's take the lady down town" is the classic big moment where he changes his busy schedule just to do something nice for carrie. for big, time is more important than money, and that is what he gives carrie when he offers his driver.

but the person i saw being driven up the sprint was almost the opposite. being driven in a hyundai, reading the sports page to keep up on the EPL, and trying to look important enough to warrant a driver comes off as small, not the big that one might have in mind as they cut the monthly check. new rule: if you cannot afford the limousine, don't hire the driver.

i drive myself because i enjoy it. i use the moments behind the wheel as meditation, where my mind can wander as the driving moves to a semi-autopilot mode. i enjoy the experience of wandering in new areas, getting lost and finding my own way. i like having a map of the world in my head, that i can tap into and find a new way between two points. i am not sure why you would give these moments away to someone else. why would you delegate the adventure of experience to someone else? it is too easy to let life slip by unnoticed, all the more when you are in the back seat reading a newspaper.

being self driven is the only way to live life. it allows you to find new places, to take new routes and to learn as you experience the day. being in control of your vehicle and the destinations that you reach, teach you that you can accomplish anything you set out to do. without facing those fears, you would be forced to stay in the small space you started in, or where ever your driver was able to take you.

when i am asked if i drive myself, i smile and say:

"of course i do, don't you"?